


ace of cups

by astagfirullah_brother



Category: TREASURE (Korea Band), YG Entertainment | YG Family, YG Treasure Box (TV)
Genre: 2000s, Alternate Universe - College/University, Comedy, FML, Fanfic, Fanfiction, Fluff, Forbidden Love, Gay, Hate to Love, Hurt/Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, I Ship It, Love, M/M, Sweet, Wholesome, Witchcraft, YG Family - Freeform, YG entertainment, asahi - Freeform, bxb - Freeform, jaehyuk, jaesahi, kinda slowburn, kpop, slowburn, starseed witch, teume, treasure
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:34:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 51
Words: 65,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27061261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astagfirullah_brother/pseuds/astagfirullah_brother
Summary: Jaehyuk, an engineering student, goes to get a tarot reading his grandmother convinced him to get, though he doesn't really believe in it. Asahi, a literature student, who works at his aunt's witch store part time, reads his cards. the results and the messaging really intrigued Asahi. he found out that Jaehyuk's grandmother grew up a starseed witch and she grows the flowers that he needed for a spell he was working on. He tried to get closer to Jaehyuk so he could meet his grandmother. Asahi later on lost sight of his main goal and started falling for Jaehyuk. Jaehyuk's father already had plans for his love life, he would flip if he found out he was with someone he didn't approve of, let alone a boy. Asahi abandoned the original plan. he would do anything to make sure Jaehyuk doesn't find out his previous motives.*this is an early 2000s college au, not some fantasy or magical stuff. asahi's personality is equivalent to janis from mean girls. i update every other day.
Relationships: jaesahi - Relationship
Comments: 37
Kudos: 145





	1. chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey y'allll. i'm back with the treasure ships. enjoy!!
> 
> song of the chapter: american idiot by green day.
> 
> in wattpad too, at @walmart-gang

“When protons flip in a-“ Jaehyuk tried to sound out. He tried to get his mind to concentrate on the paper on his desk. whenever he tried, his mind would instead stray its focus on Christina Aguilera’s music blasting on full volume and the ruckus right outside of his dorm . Fists balling out of frustration, he looked up at the ceiling breathing in. Then out. Then looked back down at the paper.

“When protons flip in a magnetic f-“ his train of thought was cut out by loud knocking on his door. He threw his pen on the ground and stomped his way up to the door, almost trampling over his roommate’s old pizza boxes and dirty laundry . grabbing the keys from his bed, he opened the door with the loud clanking of the keys.

“Heyyyyy, what’s up homie-“ some dude outside of his dorm said once he opened the door. He had a red plastic cup in his hand and his balance was rocky.

“Wait a minute who the fuck are _you_?” He asked slurring his words in an unreasonably loud tone tripping in his spot.

“Fucking drunks” Jaehyuk muttered under his breath, and closed the door as fast as he could and locked it. throwing himself back on his chair to try and complete his homework.

His eyes scanned the paper and its question. It looked the same as it did the first time he got it. He got nothing done. A sigh left his mouth as he rested his head on the table. Music and cheers still embedded in his ears. He got back up sitting straight in his chair.

“When protons flip in a magnetic field, what is released ?” He read the question to himself, he grabbed his pen and clicked it open.

“Ener-“ he tried to write down, before he heard loud knocking on his door again.

“Who the fuck is it now?” He yelled to the door. No answer. Just loud obnoxious knocking. He threw his pen on the table again and walked up to the door unlocking it.

His roommate Hyunsuk walked in, barely even walking. His balance was unstable and his face clearly told jaehyuk that he was intoxicated . Without saying a word, Hyunsuk wobbled his way to his bed and passed him self out to sleep immediately. Still in his clothes that reeked of beer. Jaehyuk went back to his seat and jammed his earphones in his ears blasting some weird meditation music . It didn’t matter. If he had to listen to Christina Aguilera one more time, he might burn down this whole dorm building with everyone in it.

“Okay next question” he muttered to himself after he finished three questions out of the three paper, front and back homework . His eyelids were struggling to stay up, and he would fall asleep from time to time. he would pull himself out of sleep whenever it happened.

That was until he fell asleep on his desk.

“Wake up, we’re like ten minutes late!” Hyunsuk yelled in disbelief. Jaehyuk sat up straight in his chair in shock of the yell. Hyunsuk was rushing out the door, pants barely up, his sports head band falling to his neck, and missing his right shoe .

“Get up!” He whisper yelled to him motioning for him to get up to the door, looking hopeless and frustrated himself. Once it hit Jaehyuk he scurried off his chair and grabbed the first t-shirt he found right in front of him and put it on. He rushed to the bathroom and combed out his hair with his fingers, brushing his teeth as quick as he could. While he was at it he put up his wrist to his face, checking the time from his black watch.

8:15, his eyes flew up once he saw the time. He was now fifteen minutes late.

Once he left the bathroom Hyunsuk was already out, leaving the door wide open after him. Jaehyuk snatched his bag of his bed, and ran out the door after locking it after him.

Students stared as they saw Jaehyuk run through the halls with unmatched clothes. He was running like his life depended on it. Swifting through the halls bumping into a few people as they yelled after him. He continued running and paid no mind to them.

“Hey!”

“The fuck?!"

He would normally apologise. But now everyone can kiss his ass.

He stopped in front of the classroom and took a moment to rest. with Hands holding on to his knees, he panted. His body was starting to give up. It was too much. He carefully opened the classroom door. Everyone in the class looked at him including the professor.

“You’re 20 minutes _late_.” The professor said putting extra emphasis on the words. Some students whispered to each other and some stifled quiet laughs. Jeongwoo, his friend, buried his face in his hands.

“Uh..sorry sir.” He bowed as he went up the stairs and stopped at the row where Jeongwoo was sitting. One girl was sitting between them. They gave her blank stares, standing still doing nothing. She looked at him then at Jeongwoo looking at them blankly . She rolled her eyes and sighed, grabbing her bag and leaving the chair. Jaehyuk sat in her spot and put his bag on the floor beside him.

“Is this bio?” Jaehyuk asked Jeongwoo. He scoffed and looked at Jaehyuk’s clueless face.

“Bro this is _chemistry._ ” He whispered to him.

“Do you two want to complete your conversation outside?” They turned their heads to the professor, who was leaning his back on the desk with his hands clamped together .

"first you come late, then you disrupt my class. that's a warning for you mr. Yoon. you too mr. Park” He threatened glaring at him then at Jeongwoo.

“Sorry sir.” He called out.

the professor huffed a breath then turned his back to the class, continuing his explaining on the board

Jeongwoo and Jaehyuk were sitting against a tree trunk on the grass for the shade. Jaehyuk fanned himself with a paper fan he made out of his chemistry homework. Jeongwoo had the luxury of a mini electric fan. Jaehyuk was panting, sweat was making hair stick on his forehead.

Jeongwoo put his fan in front jaehyuk’s face. He sighed in relief and enjoyed the air coming from the fan

Students had stands put up in front of them as other student stopped by at them. They were supposed to be picking clubs. Jeongwoo and jaehyuk got up and took a stroll through the stands.

“Hey look at this one.” Jeongwoo pointed at a stand with weird things hanging from it.

They walked up to the stand and smiled at the two girls there.

“Hello!” They greeted.

“Hey. So um what’s this?” Jaehyuk asked looking around the booth. there was too much to look at

“It’s the science club.” One of them said.

_“I hate science.”_ He muttered under his breath.

“What was that?” One of the girls asked with that same smile. Jaehyuk looked up her, he was caught off guard.

“Umm nothing. Thanks but we’re not interested.” He said smiling at them bowing as he grabbed jeongwoo’s arm and dragged him away from the stand.

“Hey! It looked cool.” Jeongwoo said, pulling his arm away.

Jaehyuk ignored him and continued walking. They stopped at a Stand where a guy with a crystal pendent wrapped around his neck, a bead bracelet, and a brown bandana holding back his hair . And another girl sitting fanning herself. They both looked like they had zero interest in this whole club thing. They leaned back in their chairs and looked at jeongwoo and Jaehyuk with the most blank stares.

“Welcome to the writing club.” They guy said in a monotone voice.

“Is it like an academic writing club?” Jeongwoo asked. The guy gave him a quizzical look.

“This is a creative writing club.” He scoffed.

“So what activities do you do in it?” Jaehyuk. The guy chuckled and raised a brow at him. the girl and him looked each other in the eye, with their brows joined in total confusion at Jaehyuk's question.

“This is a _writing_ club. What do you think we do?” he said, scoffing out a laugh.

"oh."

“Look if you guys aren’t interested, just leave.” The girl said, still fanning herself.

“Oh. Ok.” Jaehyuk muttered and left with jeongwoo through the side walk that divided the stands .

“Who was _that_ guy?” Jaehyuk asked with his brows joined together.

“Literature major. My friend knows him. His name’s Asahi.” Jeongwoo said with his hands in his pockets.

“What a dick.” Jaehyuk shook his head.

“ Apparently he’s a bit…weird too.” Jeongwoo said.

“Weirdo.” Jaehyuk scoffed.


	2. chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love the early 2000s sm
> 
> song of the chapter: love by keyshia cole

Jaehyuk and jeongwoo sat on the bleachers in front of the baseball field. Students  were scattered  across the bleachers in small amounts. Still the bleachers were very much empty.

Some sports majors were in the field exercising and practising. sweat sinking through their clothes in exhaustion. Hyunsuk was a part of these students, jogging in his place and panting hard due to his previous exercises.

“Thank _god_ I’m not a sports major.” Jaehyuk muttered, taking a bite out of the bagel he bought from the school canteen.  He was wearing an oversized, short sleeved, collared blue polo shirt tucked into some denim shorts .

"my whole damn dorm building  is _filled_ with sports majors." jaehyuk said with his lip curled up in annoyance.

“You wouldn’t last a _day_ in sports.” Jeongwoo snorted. He had a white t-shirt with a black unbuttoned button up on top of it and some jeans.

“Why are we even on the bleachers?” Jaehyuk asked turning his head to jeongwoo holding the bagel in his hand. His eyes squinted trying to avoid the rays of the sun, his hair flowing with the light breeze.

“I don’t know.  Just  enjoy the view and be grateful.” Jeongwoo said, looking down at his ice cream while he picked at it with his spoon.

“What view? Sweaty guys exercising?” Jaehyuk said in a sarcastic tone.

“I don’t know. I guess the sky looks nice today” Jeongwoo said as he scooped some ice cream with his spoon and ate it. Jaehyuk looked up at the sky squinting with a hand covering the sun to protect his eyes.

“Nothing special about the sky today.” He said. Jeongwoo scoffed and ate his ice cream.

“What about the club thing?” Jaehyuk asked.

“What about it?” Jeongwoo asked.

“Don’t we have to get into a club or something?”

“Go to the writing club, let’s see how _they’ll_ treat you.” Jeongwoo chuckled as he took another bite of his ice cream.

“I hate writing.”

“Is there something you don’t hate?”

“Man I’m outta here.” Jaehyuk said while he grabbed his bag from in front of him and his bagel that he set down beside him. the bleachers were the most sorry places to be. He slung the bag over his shoulder and walked off.

“Wait!” Jeongwoo said as he rushed to pick up his ice cream and his bag to go after jaehyuk before he left him alone. He caught up with him and they walked at the same pace.

Yells and cheers from the sports guys filled the field. It was another reason for Jaehyuk to leave.

“How much time do we have ’til physics?” Jaehyuk asked. Jeongwoo brought his watch in front of his face and looked down at it.

“About 10 minutes. We should be fine.” He answered.

They walked through one of the school halls.  Some student sat against the wall, eating their lunch and some on their laptops finishing off some extra work  . And some walking to their classes. They finally got to the classroom they  were supposed  to be in for physics.  Once they walked in, the cold air conditioning hit their faces, refreshing them from the heat they were in earlier . There were a few students there sitting in their seats. The professor wasn’t here yet. That explains why some students were playing volley in the class.

Jaehyuk and Jeongwoo climbed the stairs until they stopped in a middle row and took two spots in the middle. Jaehyuk dropped his bag beside his chair on the floor and slouched in his chair. There was a boy beside him doing homework for some other subject wearing a rolled up button up shirt. His hair covered his face so Jaehyuk didn’t know who he was.

“Ayyyy. Mashiho! how are you doing?” Jaehyuk said when he realised who it was. Mashiho looked up at him from his homework and smiled when he saw it was Jaehyuk.

“Jaehyuk! I’m good. What’s up?” He said with a smile. They gave each other a hug and got back in their seats.

“Mashiho is that you? Haven’t seen you in physics before.” Jeongwoo said with a mused look on his face.

“I was on the waitlist I  just  got in now.” He said.

“Dude I thought you dropped out.” Jaehyuk chuckled.

“It’s only been three weeks and I’m this close to dropping out.”

“If you’re gonna drop out we’re gonna drop out after you.” Jeongwoo said, craning his neck to see him as they laughed together.

“Quiet guys!”  The professor called out to the class, grasping everyone’s attention as she walked up to her desk in front of the class with a pile of books in her hand . She put the books down and eyed the class in the most disinterested look.

“Today we’re going to partner up for an experiment you guys should hand in by the end of this week. I will be announcing partners at the end of the class.” She announced to the class and turned her back to the board. The students sighed  dramatically  when they heard that she’ll pick the partners. Jaehyuk dropped his head at his table and huffed out a breath.

“Right now.” She said while she wrote on the board. “We’ll discuss thermodynamics.” She continued

Once again, the class sighed when she said that.

“You’re in college now. This isn’t high school. Mature up.” She said as she continued writing on the board.

After an hour into the class, ms. Kang started calling out partners. Jaehyuk was on the edge of his seat  just  waiting for his name to  be called .

That didn’t come when he expected it. He didn’t hear his name.

the professor called up a student with low rise flowy jeans and a pink fitted babyphat crop top up to the board to answer a question . She had a headband covering her hairline and frosted blue eyeshadow on her eyelids.

The girl rolled her eyes and climbed down the stairs, now facing the board. She tucked her hands in her back pocket and looked back at the teacher shrugging as she chewed her gum.

“I  just  explained this, you should know.” ms. Kang said to her. The girl still didn’t seem to be so moved by her words, she stayed there staring at her.

“I didn’t  really  _grasp_ the concept miss.” she said between chews, trying to sound convincing enough for ms. Kang

“Ugh.” Ms kangs said as her shoulders dropped, she turned back to her desk.

“While you’re here miss Kim, I’m going to announce your partner.” Ms. kang grabbed a sheet of paper from her desk and read the words,

“Kim Bora and Yoon Jaehyuk.”

Bora looked up at Jaehyuk with her top lip curled in disgust and looked back down at her friend who was looking at her the same way when she heard the news . then looked back up at Jaehyuk and rolled her eyes.

“Ew... _no._ ” she said.

Jaehyuk gaped at her with wide eyes as she climbed back the stairs to her spot. He turned his head to Jeongwoo gaping with his brows joined together. Jeongwoo held a hand onto his mouth to stop himself from laughing.

Before he can stand up and speak with the teacher, the shrieking sound of the bell went off. Students stood up and grabbed their bags exiting the classroom. Ms Kang was one of the first people out.  Jaehyuk grabbed his bag  quickly  and ran down the stairs after Bora who was already out the door, leaving his friends behind . The stairs had students all over it going up and down who he had to punch and push through.

When he got to the door bora was nowhere to  be seen . He looked at both halls and saw her in one and already in the yard, he ran after her. When she saw him beside her she, rolled her eyes and quickened her pace. He quickened his pace to catch up to her.

“Please be my partner.”

“ _Oh my god_.” She scoffed, walking faster

“I _can’t_ fail physics.”

“And you think I care?” She said.

“Do _you_ want to fail?”

“I don’t care.”

Jaehyuk looked like her puppy following after her wherever she went.

“Are you trying to hit on me right now?” She asked with her brows raised.

“What- _no!”_

“Looking desperate is _not_ a good look.” She scoffed.

“ Just  please. only 'til the end of the week.” He begged.

“Talking with you for _5 minutes_ _only_ is already giving me a headache imagine for a whole week.”

“Please, I can’t be wasting my tuition money.”

“Do you want me to take pity on you cuz you’re broke?” She asked looking at him in confusion.

“yes. I’m broke and desperate, I can’t fail physics.”

“I said no already!”

_“Please.”_ He begged, at this point he was ready to go down on his knees and beg.

“I’ll do your nails, run your errands, and do your laundry.” He couldn’t go any lower than this now. This Time, she stoped in her tracks and turned around to him with her highlighted hair flipping with her. She raised her brows and smirked.

“ Really ?”

“ Really  what?” He said starting to pant from how much they walked.

“You’ll do my nails, run my errands, and do my laundry?” She said  slightly  tilting her head with the most smug look on her face. He rolled his eyes and looked to the side, sighing, then looked back at her in defeat.

“yes.”

Her face lit up from her previous smug look, and she turned around  dramatically  and strutted forward .

“Alright then! follow me.” She said with a mused tone. He followed her through the school yard. He would have to walk faster to try and catch up with her, he’s never seen someone walk so fast.

Jaehyuk stopped when they got to her dorm building, but she continued walking. She turned around to him with a questioning expression. He pointed at the building and looked at her, hesitant to enter.

_“The sorority house.”_ He  just  said, he wasn’t expecting to wound up here at the end of the day.

She rolled her eyes and motioned for him to enter. He took hesitant steps towards the stairs and walked after her through the door. Girls in the hallways gave him weird looks, and some whispered to each other.

“What are you doing here?” One girl asked him, taking offence from him in there.

“He’s with me.” Bora said as she grabbed his arm and pulled him.

“What the _fuck?”_ Some girl said as she entered the hall caught off guard. All the looks he got from the girls in here were nerve wracking. He was  truly  under the microscope in the sorority house.

When they entered her room he put a hand to his chest and panted in relief now that he wasn’t in the halls anymore. Bora put down her bag on the floor and said,

“Stop being so dramatic.” When he looked up at her, he instead noticed something else.

A dude laying down on her bed reading one of her pink vanity fair magazines. Jaehyuk’s eyes widened as he looked at him, the guy looked back at him with his brow raised looking him up and down.

“What are you doing in the sorority house?” Jaehyuk asked in surprise, pointing at him.

“What are _you_ doing in the sorority house.” The guy said.

He recognised that person.

_It was Hamada Asahi._


	3. chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jaesahists aren't just shippers, we're a cult
> 
> song of the chapter: big poppa by the notorious b.i.g

“What are _you_ doing In the sorority house?” He returned the question, still reading the magazine like nothing happened. Jaehyuk turned his head to Bora to see if she was as surprised as him. She looked back at him  blankly with her hands In her back pocket.

“We need to get started on this stupid experiment. The sooner it’s done the better.” She said as she climbed her bed, snatching the magazine from Asahi’s hand.

“Hey!” He yelled with his hands in the air in offence.

She laid on her stomach with her legs entangled in the air, reading through her magazine.

“You’re doing an experiment with _him_?” Asahi said in ridicule as he pointed at the clueless Jaehyuk.

“ _Ugh_ I know right.” she said rolling her eyes.

“Like I chose to  be partnered with you anyways.” Jaehyuk scoffed.

“You chose to beg me.” She replied  as-a-matter-of-factly

“I chose to _pass physics_.” He cleared up

A chuckle from Asahi broke the tension between them.

“What’s your sign?” asahi asked, tilting his head looking at him with curiosity. Jaehyuk looked to the side than back at him with his brows joined together in confusion.

“Huh?” 

Asahi breathed in and closed his eyes.

“When were you born?” He asked, opening his eyes and raised his brows with dead eyes.

“Umm…July 23. Why?”

“Ugh leos.” Bora scoffed.

_“Leos?”_

“Your sign’s a Leo. So is mine. She’s an Aries.” Asahi pointed out.

“Oh. Cool.” Jaehyuk said, not  really understanding what they were saying.

“Asahi, get me my camera.” She said flipping through the pages of her vibrant magazine.

Asahi stood up from the bed and grabbed a small hand camera with rhinestones all over it off one of her shelves and handed it to her . She sat up in her bed criss-crossed and looked through the camera.

“Jaehyuk go sit in that chair.” She said as she looked down at her camera.

“O-okay.” He said, taking hesitant steps towards the seat with pink fuzzy pillows.

“I’m going to film you talk about our concept today, and you better _not_ fuck it up.” She muttered putting emphasis on the last part.

“What’s the topic?” He asked.

“Thermodynamics, she ran her mouth about it through the whole lesson.” She said with her face twisting into a grimace when she said the word “thermodynamics”

“I fucking hate thermodynamics.” He muttered.

“The camera’s rolling dumbass.” She whisper yelled from behind the camera, Asahi snorted and Bora rolled her eyes. Jaehyuk’s eyes widened as he looked back at the camera  abruptly and flashed a sheepish smile.

“So we’re going to be talking about thermodynamics.” He said as if nothing happened.

“Nope. Nu uh.” She said shaking her hands telling him to stop. Once she closed the camera, he sighed and looked down at the floor in embarrassment. Asahi blew up in laughter now that Bora turned the camera off.

_“Oh shut up_ will you?” Bora sighed, making Asahi laugh more.

“Ha ha, so funny.” She mocked.

“Okay, we’ll film again in five minutes. I hate physics.” She said as she laid down on her bed.

“I should go, I have some club work.” Asahi said as he grabbed his messenger bag from the floor and stood up walking towards the door.

“Alright, see ya.” Bora muttered. The door clicked open and Asahi was about to leave.

“Wait!” She said, getting up from her bed holding Asahi’s shoulder trying to stop him. He looked back at her with a curious look. She pulled out some folded money from her pocket and gave it to him. He smiled when he saw the money as he took it giving her a meerkat smile.

“As you should.” He said as he counted the money in his hands with a smirk.

Hitting him  playfully , he chuckled and left.

Jaehyuk looked at the two of them in surprise, already making assumptions in his head.

“What was that?” He asked her when she walked towards the room after she closed and the locked the door after Asahi.

“None of your business.” She told him.

“Now.” She said with a grunt as she jumped on her bed.

“We have to focus on thermodynamics.” She continued putting emphasis on the last word in vain.

“Yup. _thermodynamics.”_ He said.

Jaehyuk got up from the chair and paced around the room with his hands on his hips.

“Let’s start up the camera.” She said grabbing the camera with her as she stood up from her bed.

“Sit back down on the chair.” She instructed. He sat back down in the chair and prepared himself for the video.

She set up the camera in front of him.

_“1 2 ..3.”_ She said and turned the camera on.

“Today we’ll be talking about thermodynamics.” 

It’s been over an hour since they started studying for the experiment. Papers  were scattered on Bora’s bed where she took notes. And papers all over the floor where Jaehyuk studied.

“Hey what time is it?” He asked,  fully submerged in his work.

“About 9:30pm” she muttered, the scratch of the pen on paper prominent in the room.

_“Shit.”_ He seethed as he stood up and grabbed his bag stuffing some papers in in a rush. She looked up at him with her brows raised.

“My dorm building is about to close.” He said. Once he finished packing his things, he faced the door and took a deep breath in. Then left through the treacherous hallways of the sorority house. Bora got up from her bed and locked the door after looking down at the mess in the room and huffing a breath.

_“What’s he doing here?”_

_“Hey you!”_

_“The fuck?”_

_"Oh my god”_

_“Oh he’s bora’s guy”_

_"which one?"_

_"kim Bora"_

_“Bora’s guy?”_ He thought in confusion.

The sorority house halls were scary to say the least. If anyone wants to feel out of place,  just be a boy in a sorority house.

He got out of the building and started walking through the dark school yard with no one there. He had his hands in his pockets looking down at the floor, kicking whatever litter he found in front of him.

“I hate it here.”


	4. chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ion got no idea what to say here......
> 
> song of the chapter: eternal youth by rude.

Lights hanged from the campus buildings’ walls lit up some of the place, yet it was still dark.  The matted doors of some of the buildings had light peaking through them indicating that people were there . The campus was very much awake yet asleep. Students were  probably studying for exams and crippling in debt. he had his hands in the pockets of his denim shorts. the temperature was  comfortably warm, unlike the merciless scorching sun. It was summer after all. 

He looked up and turned his head to look at the buildings surrounding him.  Light peaked through most of the rectangular windows, appearing small due to the distance . He turned his head back to look at his path. Trees  were planted decorating the side walk.  The big posters decorating some of the building doors and poles reminded every student passing them by of their oh so great sports varsity teams . he looked up at the clear starry night sky and smiled. he had 15 minutes until his dorm building closed. It didn’t matter since his dorm building was right in front of him.

The clear doors of the building showed some students on the hallways talking and some entering the dorm building before Jaehyuk with exercise equipment in their hands . This whole building  was filled with sports majors.  He pushed the door open with his right hand, with the door closing behind him making a soft gust of wind hit his back and hair .  Turning his head to the middle aged woman on the reception, he saw that she leaned all the way back in her black chair, dead asleep . Her glasses were halfway down her face almost falling down.

He pressed the button for the elevator and waited, looking up at the little screen above the elevator as the numbers decreased .

4

3

2

1

A ding went off and the elevator stopped and opened. two people were in the elevator as he walked in and they left. It was a girl and a guy he recognised from the students in the building. her  on the other hand ,  clearly wasn’t from the building. They were chuckling with each other at some corny pick up line he made. The elevator doors closed before he can see more of what they were up to, but It didn’t take a genius to know. He was going to drop her off to her dorm building and come back here.

He got to his dorm and pulled the keys out of his pocket and opened the door. Three more guys were sitting in the room. They all turned his head to him and he rolled his eyes. Hyunsuk stood up and flashed him a bribing smile. 

“This is Jihoon, Junghwan, and Haruto.” He said pointing at his friends as they gave him awkward smiles.

“Hey..” He muttered.

“Jaehyuk can I ask you for a favour?” Hyunsuk asked, grinning at him.

“Ugh what is it?”

“Can you leave the room for a little we have some practise and the gym’s closed.” He said in a bribing tone.

_“Fuck no._ if I get out I can’t come back in.” He replied as he put his bag on the ground next to his desk.

“I’ll bribe them to get you back in.”

“No Hyunsuk.” He sighed.

_“Please_ we have evaluations tomorrow.” He begged with his brows joined  sympathetically .

“Are you serious right now?” He looked up at him in disbelief.

“Please.” He tried one more time.

_“Fine.”_ Jaehyuk sighed and Hyunsuk pumped his fist in the air in victory.

“But If I don’t end up coming back, I’ll _kill_ you.” He threatened pointing his finger at him with his brows raised.

“I know I know.” Hyunsuk said with a smile. Jaehyuk grabbed his bag off the ground again and stomped out the door.

He was the only one in the elevator as he leaned on one of the mirrored walls. The woman at the front desk was still very much asleep, he should be fine either way. He got out the building door and back into the school yard, fixing his intentions to go to the nearest building.

Stopping in front of the building he made his way to, the building had victorian design and a rusty looking build . It looked _ancient._ He entered through the door and inspected it’s hallways as he walked through them, entering a random door he found . An incredible amount of red seats filled the place and a huge stage with red curtains tied to the sides. Echos of students speaking told him that people were there.

He walked to the stage to talk with some of the students.  Everyone there turned their heads to him most of them holding papers in front of them and reading its contents .

_“Who are you?”_ One of them asked with a quizzical expression. She had black hair and a Barrette cap on her head.

“Umm…my roommate just kicked me out and I had nowhere else to go.” He muttered. They still looked at him with their brows joined in confusion.

“Can you guys  just let me stay here, it won’t be for long.”

“We’re _studying_ here.” One of them said, holding up a paper.

“I’ll  just sit in the chairs, I won’t bother you guys.” He said, pointing his thumb to the red seats behind him.

“Alright fine.” A guy said. Jaehyuk made his way to the chairs and said in the front row right in front of the stage. One girl cleared her throat and started going over her script and preforming.

“Hm, theatre majors.” He thought as he watched them preform, looking down at their papers from time to time.

“Neither a borrower nor a lender be-“ a guy with a beanie covering half of his head said but got  quickly interrupted.

“No Yoshi, that line’s supposed to have more feeling, _come on_.” a girl said pointing at the line in his paper.

“Oh. Ok ok.” He replied to her as he cleared his throat.

“Neither a borrower nor a lender be, For loan oft loses both itself and friend, And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry .” He tried again.

Jaehyuk’s phone ringed and he took it out of his pocket looking at the name.

“Dad” it read.

He flipped his phone open and answered the call.

“Hey dad.” He muttered.

“We have a family dinner tomorrow at 12pm don’t miss it” his dad said from the other line. Jaehyuk rolled his eyes and ended the call.

No hello

No how are

Just that there’s a dinner tomorrow

With his whole family there

fuck.


	5. chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TREASURE R COMING BACK ADWEFHWEHWEJFWEKFJ 😭😭😭
> 
> song of the chapter: everybody wants to rule the world by tears for fears

Right after Jaehyuk hanged up the phone, another call came through, making his phone ring and vibrate in his pocket . The students on the stage, once again, turned their heads to him in annoyance, he smiled at them, pressing his lips together in a thin line . And answered the phone not even bothering to check who it was. He answered the phone expecting it to be his dad again.

_“What?”_ He said through gritted teeth.

“Umm…how long have you been outside the dorm?” Hyunsuk asked, jaehyuk raised his brows in surprise, fully expecting his father’s voice to come from the other line and instead getting his roommate Hyunsuk's .

“Oh, um….about _two_ fucking hours, what type of evaluations do you have tomorrow?” He said then changed his tone at the end of the sentence. The theatre was dimly lit with a rich lighting, most of the stage lights pointed at the stage.

“Yeah, we’re finished actually, you can come back to the dorms now. Meet me at the lobby.” Hyunsuk said before hanging up on jaehyuk. He looked at the phone with his nostrils flaring in anger, he shut his eyes closed and took a deep breath to try and gather himself up and leave . He stood up and walked through the row of red seats and down the stairs to the door right beside the stage.

“Hey! You forgot your bag!” Somebody called out from the stage mid performance, he turned his head to him raising his brows, then nodded at him with his lips pressed together . He walked back up the stairs and grabbed his bag, and left.

“Thanks!” He called out before leaving through the door.

Now the place was actually asleep, the lights that were once open the first time he came around were now closed. All the campus was dead asleep. The buildings now had minimal lit up windows. The only thing bringing light, was the streetlights on the sidewalk of his campus and the moon. He huffed a breath and put his hands in his pockets. He looked around to see if there was anyone there but to no avail, he was the only person walking on campus in this time of night. Bringing his black watch up to his face, he looked down to see the numbers,

12:30am written on the digital screen.

He rolled his eyes and continued walking. Finally, the light coming from his dorm building lit his path as he walked towards the clear door. Hyunsuk was standing inside barefoot in his baggy white t-shirt and pyjama shorts arguing with the woman at the reception . At least that’s what it looked like from Jaehyuk’s point of view. His brow raised in speculation as he pushed open the door with his right hand.

Both Hyunsuk and the receptionist turned their heads to him. The receptionist rolled her eyes and shook her head at him.

“Nope. You’re here after hours I can’t let you in.” She said and looked down at the paper work she had in her desk, adjusting her glasses.

He gave Hyunsuk a look and he looked back at jaehyuk, mouthing to him,

_“I got this.”_ And looked back at the receptionist with a grin on his face.

“That’s the _only_ time he came after hours, just let it pass this one time.” Hyunsuk said, holding up his index finger. She rolled her eyes and huffed a breath.

“That’s the policy, he can’t come in here after curfew.” She looked up at Hyunsuk and told him sternly , looking back down at her papers.

“Where is he supposed to sleep?” Hyunsuk said.

“He could book a hotel near campus.” She said.

“But he’s _poor_ , he can’t afford no hotel.” He whined. She sighed and glared up at him.

“He should’ve thought about that before breaching curfew.”

“Ma’am _please._ He’s never gonna do it again.”

“Mr. Choi, leave to your dorm before I kick you out with him.” She sighed and shook her head.

“ Please, just this once, I swear I’ll scold him once we get to our dorm.” He whined with a sympathetic look on his face. Jaehyuk rested his hands on his hims and scoffed, looking to the side.

_“Fine.”_ She said through gritted teeth. Hyunsuk’s face lit up and Jaehyuk looked back at them with his brows raised.

“And if I ever see you breaching curfew again, I won’t let you in for the _life_ of me.” She said to Jaehyuk, pointing her finger at him as he walked by. He smiled and bowed at her hesitantly , leaving to the elevator as Hyunsuk pulled his arm towards it.

“What did I tell you” hyunsuk muttered after the elevator doors closed

“You’re damn good at bribing.” Jaehyuk chuckled.

“You’re still asleep?” Jaehyuk squinted his eyes open when he heard a voice call out to him. He covered his eyes with his hand and sucked in a breath when the sun hit his eyes. He sat up in his bed and rubbed his eyes.

“I’m supposed to go to a family dinner.” He muttered to Hyunsuk who was leaning on the wall with his arms crossed.

“Oh, and by the way.” He started, Jaehyuk looked up at him squinting

“I passed my evaluations.” He continued, chuckling.

_“great.”_ Jaehyuk muttered and got up, he opened his closet pushing through his clothes and bringing some out to check it out on him .

“ Just wear anything, it doesn’t matter.” Hyunsuk said. Jaehyuk looked at him with clothes in his hands widening his eyes at him.

“No you _don’t_ understand.” He shook his head.

“My dad’s a judge and my mom’s a governor. They're probably expecting me to wear a suit and i don't have a suit.” He said and went back to his clothes. Hyunsuk’s eyes widened as he looked to the side.

“Don’t even get me started on my siblings.” He muttered and rolled his eyes. He got out a long sleeved horizontally red striped shirt and baggy denim pants.

“Why do you like oversized shirts so much?” Hyunsuk asked.

_“Shut up.”_ Jaehyuk replied. He went to the bathroom and changed into his clothes, checking himself in the mirror and ruffled his hair. He brushed his teeth and watched his face and rushed out of the bathroom.

“Alright I gotta go.” He said as he grabbed his phone and his shoes and left out the door.

He walked out to the school yard. There were still some stands put up for the clubs, his hair blew with the light summer breeze, he squinted his eyes due to the sun . looking around the street, he was looking for a black car that should’ve been parked right in front of him. He looked around to find nothing.

His phone vibrated in his pocket and he took it out and flipped it open.

Black car, in the further end of the road.

The text read, he looked around with his eyes squinted open. He walked along the road and found a black car there with a man in a suit and black sunglasses in there. He opened the door and smiled at the driver.

“Hey junghoon, long time no see.” He said .

“Nice to see you too mr. Yoon.”

“Call me Jaehyuk.”

The car started driving and he just sat there staring at the tinted windows as they drove by downtown. The beach was right in front of them. Palm trees decorated the sidewalks there. It was noon now. People were on the beach having fun and some were shopping in the stores near by.

“Are you still a DA in my mom’s office?” He asked.

“Yep” Junghoon said shortly.

_“Cool.”_

They stopped in front of a white House in the hills, with the view of the beach from down bellow. He climbed out of the car and took a moment to look at That house again. It was bigger than he remembered. He saw some of the inside of the house since the place was decorated with big glass windows.

He opened the door and entered the house.

“Jaehyuk, honey, how are you!” His mother came up to him and hugged him.

“Hi mom.” He replied with a smile as he hugged her back. She pulled away and held him from both his shoulders with a how-am-i-supposed-to-feel look.

“W hat happened to the suit that I bought you?” She said, looking at him in both concern and disappointment

_“Beats me.”_

_He knew what happened_

_He ripped it by accident and couldn’t afford to get it fixed_.

“Grandma!” He mused when he saw his grandmother in the hallways and hugged her.

“I missed you!” She said as she embraced him in a warm hug.

He pulled back from their embrace and she kissed both his cheeks.

Then he saw

His brother Junkyu and his dad

_In suits_


	6. chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this was a lil late 😗
> 
> song of the chapter: sk8er boi by avril lavigne

“Hey.” His dad said as he embraced him in a light hug. Jaehyuk smiled back and hugged him like his dad did. Junkyu was standing there, waiting for his dad to go away. He stared at Jaehyuk with a grin on his face. When his dad finally was gone, he hugged Jaehyuk  tightly .  He  was caught off guard from the sudden abrupt action, he  just stood there and later on wrapped his arms around his brother . The rest of his family made their way into the living room. 

“I missed you!” He said when they finally detached.

“Why the fuck didn’t you call me?” He continued but not failing to keep that bright smile on his face. A look of realisation painted Jaehyuk’s face.

_He forgot all about junkyu_

_But of course he couldn’t tell him that._

“Oh…um…I w-was  just _so_ busy with work and all. I _am_ an engineering student.” He said trying to look convincing enough for his brother with a sheepish chuckle. Junkyu stayed looking at him with a blank face which rilled up the worry in Jaehyuk’s head.

“Oh, okay!” Junkyu said with a smile and headed to the living room, Jaehyuk smiled in relief and followed after him. The rest were sitting down on one of his mother’s most priced possesions. the couch.

“Do you guys like it?” She asked him and his brother holding her cup of tea in her hand with the most proud smile.  Jaehyuk and Junkyu looked at each other in confusion then turned their heads to their mom who was still smiling  proudly .

“Like what?” Jaeyhuk asked  blankly with his brows joined.

“The couch.” She pointed at it not failing to keep her smile.

“Oh…uh. It’s good!  Really um…. _fine!”_ He said trying to change his tone for the sake of his mother.

“Thanks, it’s from Paris!” She started her rampage about how and where she got her things that Jaehyuk couldn’t even wish to afford from.

“You got a _couch_ from _Paris_?” Junkyu muttered with his face twisted in a questioning look.

“Yeah. It was unavoidable, I couldn’t  just _not_ get it.” She said as she took a sip of her chamomile tea which was set on her china plate.

“How are things going in the college for you, Jaehyuk.” His dad asked as he tensed up in his spot  clearly starting to get concerned.

“Uh… _better than ever_.” He said while taking a sip of his tea to avoid any further conversation on that topic.

He was _not_ doing well in college.

“You know you can always rely on us with money and things right?” He continued.

“No thanks. I prefer living off my own money.” Jaehyuk answered, playing with the hem of his shirt not wanting to look up at his dad.

“ Really Jaehyuk. I don’t like how you  just decided to do that  all of a sudden. We can pay for _all_ your expense.” His mom stared, getting tense in her chair too.

“We can send you to a university in America.” She said trying to make the idea look more appealing to him.

“ Just like Junkyu.” She continued, pointing at him.

“No thanks mom, I’m more than happy with being independent.” He said with an awkward smile.

“You should respect his decisions, Jiyoo.” His grandmother said as she sipped her tea, pointing her words at her daughter.

“You too Dongyhun. It’s better if he takes care of himself.” She said to his father.

“Now tell me boy, are you  _ really _ struggling with anything?” She asked with her brow raised and her eyes squinted at him. she set down her cup on her small plate and looked up at him.

“No grandma really-“ he started with a smile trying to dismiss her worries but got  quickly interrupted . 

“No I mean, with anything. Like future, love, work.” 

“I guess I _am_ struggling with a few of those things.” He muttered  honestly .

“Get a tarot reading.” she went back to drinking her tea.

“Looks like you  really need one.” She said as she eyed him up and down .

_“Mom-“_ his mom whined, rejecting any mentions of her mother’s beliefs.

“No I mean it. He should get one.” She said to her daughter with her eyes widened as if she was challenging what she was about to say.

“Minseo,  really . He doesn’t need one-“ his dad said trying to dismiss that conversation.

“Don’t _you_ start. It’s only best for him.” His grandmother pointed at his father.

Jaehyuk and Junkyu watched it all go down with the rest of their family, 

They looked at each other with their brows furrowed then looked back at them.

“He’s got nothing to lose!” His grandmother said.

“Yeah he does! He would have to _pay_ for it, he won’t let us pay for anything!" His mom said back to her.

_“I’ll_ pay for his reading!” His grandmother said, slamming her hand on the round glass coffee table.

“Mom it’s not even real!”

_“How dare you!_ I grew up a starseed witch and I learned  all of this, don’t you _start_ disrespecting _me_ now!” His Grandma stood up and pointed at his mother who was still sitting down with a hesitant look on her face.

“Please, calm down.” His dad said trying to get them to sit down.

“I’ve got nothing more to say, Donghyun.” his grandmother muttered as she sat back down, holding up a hand at his dad telling him it was okay.

“Sir you have a call.” Someone in a suit said from the door to his dad. He looked up a him and said,

“Tell them I’m unavailable.”

“they say It’s urgent.”

He rolled his eyes and stood up, leaving to the door.

“I’ll be back in a bit.” He said before leaving.

The place went silent.  Now that all the pent up anger and energy  was wasted on his mother and grandmother’s fight, no one else has anything more to say .

“So….aren’t we gonna play tennis or something?” Junkyu asked  blankly .

“No we’re playing golf.” His mother clarified.

Donghyun came back in the living room and sat back down.

“That _son of a bitch._ ” He muttered with his hand holding up his head from his chin as he rested on the couch.

“Who?” His mom asked.

“Bae Jeonghoon that…. _that dog”_

“Don’t worry your head too much, we’re gonna play _golf._ ” Junkyu said as he stood up and adjusted his suit.

“Can’t wait to get out of this stupid suit.” He muttered and walked towards the rooms upstairs.

“Where are you going?” Jaehyuk asked.

“Getting changed.” Junkyu called out.

_Great._

_Now he has to play rich people sports._

_Golf._

_Who even plays it?_


	7. chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the way treasure's gonna win roty i- 😭😭😭😭
> 
> song of the chapter: die young by kesha

He looked around as his family separated from the living room except for his grandmother. he didn’t know if he  was supposed to stay in the living room or leave after them.

“W-where are you guys going?” He asked them, hoping anyone would answer.

“We’re getting changed.” His mother said as she continued walking up the marble stairs, holding onto the wood railing.

“Wait what about me I didn’t bring anything.” He told her looking for some guidance.

“Follow me, I have your golf clothes ready.” She stopped in the stairs and turned her back to him.

“Can’t I  just go like this?” He whined. His mother looked at him holding a hand to her chest, looking the least bit offended.

“Of course not.” She sighed and motioned for him to to come up the stairs.

Dropping his shoulders in defeat, he groaned and took hesitant steps towards the stairs . Once he got into the second floor, someone handed him some white clothes. A fitted white polo shirt and white shorts. He looked up at the woman in surprise and she looked back at him  blankly .

“What are those?” He asked.

“Golf clothes sir.” She answered.

He took the clothes and sighed, there’s no way he had to wear _these_ clothes. In a _golf_ club. in front of _everyone._

Even though he liked polo shirts, he  absolutely _despised_ that shirt. after staring at the clothes he  was handed for a few seconds, he decided he was going to question his mother about it. Although he did have trouble finding the room, he found her. She  was dressed in her golfing clothes and she turned her head to him.

“Mom, I am _not_ wearing these clothes.” He said, holding up the clothes to her with a strong grip.

“You have to, some of your dad’s colleagues are coming, you have to wear proper golf clothes.” She said while she practised her forehand with the golf stick.

Or whatever you call it.

“Mom please, I can’t wear these clothes.” He sighed.

“Jaehyuk, get dressed.”

He groaned and stomped out the room and into one of the bathrooms and got changed. These clothes left an embarrassed expression on his face as he looked at himself in the big mirror. Everything he hated in one outfit. He came here as Jaehyuk and he’s gonna try to leave as Jaehyuk, not chad. 

“My dad’s colleagues have to watch me in this too.” He thought and buried his face in his hands.

Checking himself out in the mirror for the last time, he gave himself a nod of acceptance and determination and left the bathroom, adjusting his hair and clothes from time to time . The living room had his family there waiting for him. His dad was practising his swing rather  aggressively .

“Guys get in the car!” His mother said from the front door.

He jogged down the stairs to catch up to them as they left through the front door. Even his grandmother was with them. Though she didn’t wear the embarrassing clothes they were wearing.

His mom was driving the car. Cold air conditioning hit his bare knees, the air conditioning was right in front of his knees in the back seat. His eyes winced once he looked through the window making the sun hit his eyes.  Even though he should  be refreshed that it was summer and the air conditioning was cold, the ac was actually pretty annoying .

They drove through the rough road until a golfing club came into view. He peeked out the window as his hair blew with the wind, he winced his eyes to see the sign  clearly . yep. They’re at the club now.

He sat back down in his spot and rolled his eyes. They were getting closer and closer. Until his mom parked.

His parents got out of the car and stretched their backs. Jaehyuk got out of the car with Junkyu getting out after him. When they were out, Jaehyuk crossed his arm and tried to keep himself hidden behind Junkyu. There were people there already. 

That caught his eyes, he tilted his head to get a better view of the car across theirs and squinted his eyes.

_wait._

His eyes widened when he realised.

“Isn’t that Park Sooyoung?” He thought to himself when he saw a girl with long brown hair with golfing clothes beside the car across them.

Sooyoung looked around the place with a hand on top of her eyes to try to Block the sun. That’s when Jaehyuk got a better view of her face.

_“Oh my god it’s Park Sooyoung.”_ He muttered and gaped.

Park Sooyoung was the girl his dad was trying to get him together with ever since junior high.

He looked to the side, where Sooyoung couldn’t see his face and sighed.

“ Maybe I shouldn’t of came here.” He thought to himself in regret.

“Hey! Minji!” His dad called out, waving his hand to the woman beside the other car. She looked at him in surprise but smiled when she saw it was him. Now her whole family was looking at them. Including Sooyoung.

“This is so _embarrassing.”_ He sighed and burried his head in his hand to try and cover it. But Sooyoung saw him before he covered his face. She looked at him with wide eyes and covered her moth with her hand in surprise. Now her family approached them and he tried his best to keep himself hidden behind Junkyu.

“How are you Dongyun I haven’t seen you in _ages!”_ Mini said with a wide smile.

“Guys this is Park Minji, one of my fellow judges.” He introduced her and she smiled at them as they bowed. Sooyoung was  purposely trying to avoid eye contact with Jaehyuk. So did he.

“This is my wife, jiyoo. And my two sons Junkyu and Jaehyuk. My mother in law’s in the car.” He said.

They bowed at her and said hello while she smiled at them.

“This is my husband and my daughter sooyoung.” Minji said.

“Say hi sooyoung.”

“hi” she said  quietly . She was never the type to speak much anyways.

“You guys would make such a good couple.” His mom said with a wide grin on her face. Jaehyuk sighed and Sooyoung scoffed.

“Come on let’s go golfing.” Minji’s husband said with a chuckle.

They followed him in the club and entered the lobby. They got the key and drove the cart through the green golf feild with  nicely shaped hills.

_Never_

_Ever_

_Would Sooyoung and Jaehyuk ever make a good couple._

_It’s impossible._


	8. chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this was late 🧍
> 
> somg of the chapter: be without you by mary j. blige

Jaehyuk laid down on his stomach on the floor of Bora’s dorm. The fuzzy pink carpet kept him comfortable. It got in his eyes sometimes but that didn’t matter. The light from the window lit the room up in a way that made it almost shine. It complimented her pink and blue _everything._

“So what are we supposed to do here?” Bora asked as she held  multiple papers in both her hands, looking down at her computer in confusion.

“Worry about that later we have something else to do.” He answered while he wrote with one of her blue pens with a fuzzy pompom at the tip of it.

“Ugh you’re so lame.” She muttered while she dropped the papers she was holding and rolled on her stomach.

“Miss Kang gave us a _death sentence_ not a project.” She groaned and rolled her eyes.

“Why’d you even go into engineering?” He asked as he wrote.

She looked at him and raised her brows.

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“I don’t know…you  just don’t look like someone who’d  be interested In something like engineering” he clarified.

“And who said I liked engineering?” She said and rolled on her back and stared at the ceiling.

“My parents used to always convince me to be an engineer.” She muttered

“It was like pressure you know.”

He looked up at her blank face for a moment then looked back down at his papers. He had his hand propped on his chin as he continued scribbling on a random sheet of paper he found in her room.

“Ugh why am I telling you all this?” She groaned and snapped out of it. She sat back up and opened her laptop again.

“My parents actually wanted me to go into law.” He said. She turned her head to him and looked at him with a curious look.

“And why’d you chose _engineering_ of all majors?” She scoffed and shook her head. 

“I don’t know. I guess I always wanted to be an engineer.” He shrugged. The sound of typing became so repeated, Jaehyuk was numb to it. She scoffed and continued her obnoxious typing.

“By the way.” He started. Bora turned her head to him and looked at him with a bored look. It was clear there was nothing more she wanted than to finish the project.

“Is that guy Asahi selling drugs to you?” He asked. Jaehyuk was still curious about that one time, he  just wanted to get It out of the way.

“What- no! I don’t do drugs.” She said.

“Oh.” He  slowly turned his head back to his work and continued writing.

“Then why’d you give him money?” He turned his head back and asked again. The question has been bugging him ever since.

“Jaehyuk shut up. We have to finish this dumb project.” She snapped back as soon as these words left his mouth. He didn’t seem too surprised from the outburst and continued doing his work and writing like he always did. It _was_ Kim Bora after all. Bora was an _‘it’_ girl. She was one of the girls that  probably bullied you in the 8th grade. And Jaehyuk was  _ probably _ the one getting bullied by her. What a perfect combination. They make such a great team.

In the sorority house, he was _“Bora’s guy”_ and he will remain Bora’s guy anytime if that meant not getting teared into shreds by the girls in there . She let out a yawn and closed her laptop again as she laid down on her bed.  Closing her eyes, she was already getting tired of the thirty minutes she spent doing that physics project .

“Bora.” He said.  


“Hm.” She answered, still closing her eyes.

“Wake up we have to do this. Aren’y you the one  desperately wanting to finish it?” He asked, she ignored him and snuggled closer to her blanket.

“No I’m sleepy.” She whined and covered herself with her blanket.

“wait. Can I ask you something?” He asked when he remembered the thought.

“Ugh what _now?”_ She groaned and joined her brows.

“My grandma gave me money for a tarot reading because she’s…uh... really into that stuff.” He said.

_“And?”_

“Should I give that money to some wackjob or spend it on something worthwhile?” He said, getting straight to the point.

“Think about your poor grandma, she gave you money out of her own pocket for you to waste it on something she didn’t want you to spend it on ?” She said in a fake sympathetic tone, like she cared what Jaehyuk wasted his money on.

“ My grandma’s rich she doesn’t  really care where her money goes.” 

“Tarot readings are worth while, trust me they’ll benefit you.” She said.

“Okay fine. where can I get one?” He asked.

She groaned and rolled her eyes open as she sat up and opened her laptop. Jaehyuk go closer to her bed and crouched to see what she was typing  properly .

She searched up “witch stores near me.”

A whole list popped up of witch stores in Incheon and she scrolled down that list.

“Here” she put her finger on one store’s name on the screen.

“This one.” She said. He squinted his eyes to see the sore name better and mouthed the name.

“Why that one?” He asked when he stood straight up.

“Because I go there all the time. They know what they’re doing.” She said.

“Plus I also have a friend there.”

“I can’t trust your friends.” Jaehyuk groaned and walked around her small dorm with his hands resting on his hips.

“By the way why don’t you have a roommate?” He asked and turned his head to her.

“I live here alone, my roommate changed rooms.”

“Why, there was too much _fuzzy pillows?”_ He said  sarcastically .

“Oh _shut up.”_ She chuckled and covered her face.

“Anyways, go to that place, they’re good.” She said as she raised her brows in confirmation that the place was as stellar as she described it. 

Jaehyuk felt unconvinced.

About the witch store Bora chose.

Imagine have a Bora #2 reading you cards.

_Can’t imagine._


	9. chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YALL BIDEN'S WINNING AHDHDFUSDHFSDFJ 🥳
> 
> song of the chapter: clint eastwood by gorillaz

Jaehyuk woke up due to the scorching heat radiating from outside his open window. He winced his eyes open and sat up in his bed with his hair hovering over his face. Hyunsuk was no where in the room. But he did leave a print behind him. A whole lot of prints.

There were clothes all over the ground, and stuff he forgot to take with him. Sometimes Jaehyuk thinks that Hyunsuk chooses to be late everyday. He’s never recalled one day where Hyunsuk went to class before him. Jaehyuk stood up and rubbed his eyes and yawned. Though the sun was at its best today since it was noon, he was still tired.

He walked up to his closet and picked out a washed out nirvana t-shirt and some plain shorts. His clothes were at the least of his worries now, so he didn’t bother to plan beforehand.  He  just had to finish that reading because the guilt he’ll get when his grandma finds out he didn’t will be immeasurable .  Hypothetically of course, he’ll go get that stupid reading.  He went in to his bathroom, brushed his teeth, washed his face and combed out his hair with his fingers and left with the outfit he picked out from his closet .

The place was so busy outside his dorm. People abuse public holidays more than they should. His dorm building would be the first people to abuse opportunities. He walked up to his bed and grabbed his messenger bag and his phone and left out the door. As he expected. The dorm building was a mess.  People were sitting against the walls sipping lean and a group was running through the halls with gin and booze in their hands . As if it wasn’t noisy enough the last night. There were some people he didn’t recognise. And he knew exactly why, he  just didn’t want to hear it out loud. Of course he didn’t know his whole dorm building though. 

Jaehyuk went out the dorm building and grabbed his bike from the bicycle parking rack right outside . He spun the numbers on the padlock until it clicked open. He rode his bike through the streets downtown. The view of the beach right ahead was the only thing keeping him smiling through out all this. riding his bike between cars was never something he enjoyed.

Finally

He stopped his bike in front of a  neatly polished, ancient looking store. Sounds of cars beeping and people talking filled his ears as he looked up at the store sign before entering. The door ringed a bell when he walked through it and the clerk looked up at him and smiled  warmly .

“Hello sir! do you need anything?” A woman  probably in her thirties said with an endearing smile.

“Uh yeah actually…um…I came for a tarot reading.” He said as he looked around at the shelves filled with crystals, herbs and bottles in confusion.

“Then come right this way! I’ll have my nephew read your cards right now.” She said as she walked to a room in the back. He followed her with hesitant steps, still looking around at the store. 

“Asahi!” She called out. His eyes widened when he heard that name.

_Asahi?_

“You have a client.” She said.

“Okay you can get in.” She told Jaehyuk with a smile and left. He held the doorknob and looked at his hand. Contemplating whether he should open the door or not.

He sucked in a breath and opened the door.

As he thought.

Asahi sitting on a chair in front of a table shuffling his cards.

“Hello welcome to-“ he said, still looking down at the cards. His sentence  was cut short when he looked up and found Jaehyuk standing at the door.

“Uh..welcome, take a seat.” He muttered and  awkwardly looked down at the cards.

Jaehyuk walked to the seat in front of Asahi and sat down looking at the room and tapping his knee.

“So uh…what did you come here for.” He asked, as he brought some other decks of cards.

“My grandma told me too.” Jaehyuk said shortly giving Asahi a blunt look.

Asahi gave him a light chuckle and opened th e card box.

“No I mean what's your reading about?”

Heat traveled to Jaehyuk’s face in embarrassment as he looked at him, not knowing what to say.

“It’s um..career and education related.” He said, finally finding the words.

“Cool cool.” Asahi said in monotone voice. There were three decks set up in front of Jaehyuk.

“Choose one of them. the one you’re the most drawn to.” He said.

Jaehyuk chose the one in the middle. Asahi shuffled the cards and stopped when one of them fell out. He looked at it then looked at Jaehyuk.

“Okay, so you have the magician.” He said and showed the card to Jaehyuk.

“You  really thought about your career and college life  thoroughly . You did what you thought was best. spirit says go with your intuition and follow your gut.” He said.

“How did you know?” Jaehyuk asked.

“This is a tarot reading _of course I know._ ” Asahi scoffed and shook his head.

After a while of explaining that card, he moved on to the next one.

“You have the ten of pentacles. You have a solid foundation for your career. The process will be rocky but you’ll get there. So no matter how hard it gets,  just hang in there. it’ll be worth it.” Asahi said.

Jaehyuk smiled at that to himself as he looked down. It was about time he heard that.

didn't expect to hear it from _him_ though.

“If you don’t mind me asking, do you have any spiritualism in your family?” Asahi asked out of character.

“Why do you ask?” Jaehyuk said  slowly .

“ Just got a feeling.” He shrugged.

“Yeah, um.. my grandma and her family grew up witches. Not my mom though.” Jaehyuk said. Asahi looked up at him from his cards in surprise.

“ Really ? What type of witches.”

“Starseed witches. My grandma says that all the time.” Jaehyuk said.

“Wait how did you-” Jaehyuk asked, but got cut short.

“Wait starseed witches? _Oh my god”_ he put a hand to his mouth and his eyes widened. Jaehyuk looked at him all confused from that reaction.

This was what he needed.

this was _Exactly_ what he needed

_A starseed witch._


	10. chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> late as usual 😗🧍
> 
> song of the chapter: stay with me by miki matsubara.

“Are you for real?” Asahi asked in astonishment.

“Uh yeah.” Jaehyuk said, he didn’t know why Asahi was so surprised.

“Can we get back to the reading please?” He asked.

“Yeah! um. Of course!” Asahi said and shuffled his cards again. Like always. Another card fell and Asahi picked it up.

“You have the magician in reverse.”

“What does that mean.”

“I was gonna explain that.” He glared up at jaehyuk and shook his head as he looked back down at the card. Jaehyuk was more or less clueless, Asahi definitely didn’t like him.

“Did Bora send me here to torment me?” He thought and tapped his knee with his finger as he looked around at the place.

“So  basically , you lack motivation, you give up at the wrong times.” He said.

“I guess I do that sometimes.”

“You also need a reality check. You know like  really sit yourself down and study- what’s your major again?” He started explaining but cut his sentence to ask Jaehyuk.

“Engineering.” he muttered.

“Yeah, why don’t you  _ really _ sit yourself down and open a text book? That motivation and drive will come right to you, you  just have to look for it. You don’t even to look that hard.” Asahi suggested with a convinced face.

“Yeah you’re right. When is this reading gonna finish?” He said, it was the last part he wanted to say so much.

“Why? you want it to finish?” Asahi snorted as he shuffled his cards.

“No I-i  just have some place to be-“ Jaehyuk said, trying to be polite.

“No it’s fine. you’ve only been here for 20 minutes, are you sure you want to waste your money?” Asahi asked.

“It’s my grandma’s money.” He muttered while he leaned back in his chair.

“Then that should make you more guilty if you leave.” He said with a wide synthetic smile. Jaehyuk rolled his eyes and dropped his shoulders.

“You’re not that bad, we should be friends.” Asahi said. He didn’t know the guy, but Jaehyuk knows a fake smile when he sees one.

“Aren’t you friends with Bora?” Jaehyuk asked.

“Yep.”

“Then we _definitely_ shouldn’t be friends.” He shook his head.

“Why? you don’t like Bora?” He asked with a smirk.

“Then she should know. I’d be more than happy to tell her.” Asahi said, mocking kindness. It would be the end for him if he got on Bora’s bad side. She already hates him enough.

“No!” Jaehyuk said with wide eyes.

“Looks like you’re scared of her more than she hates you.” He laughed. Jaehyuk rolled his eyes and turned his head to the side. Even though he actually  was scared of Bora, he didn’t want someone to tease him about it

“No. it’s Bora that hates my guts.” Jaehyuk scoffed.

“Anyways, you have the six of wands. You’ll be  publicly recognised for your work, what type of engineering do you plan to go into?” He asked.

“Structural engineering.”

“Then you will  be recognised for the buildings you’ll be designing, that’s a  really good sign.”

The reading finally finished.

Right as Jaehyuk was about to leave the room, Asahi said,

“We should be friends.”

“I mean it.” He completed.

“Uh..yeah.” Jaehyuk said and walked out the door.’

Asahi smirked and put his cards back in the box.

“Have good day!” The clerk looked up from the plants told Jaehyuk. He smiled at her and opened the door. Right as he was about to walk out, he bumped into something.

“Ugh oh my god what is _wrong_ with you?” A girl said in a high pitch tone.

“I’m so sorry-“ He tried to apologise.

“Bora?”

She was wearing a fitted blue crop top and a snapback hat, holding an  abundance of bags in her hands.

“Jaehyuk?” She asked.

“Didn't  know you were gonna be here.” She said in astonishment.

“You _were_ the one that recommended this place.” He muttered, he didn’t know why she was so surprised to see him there.

“So. How was your reading?” She asked.

“Awesome. Had one of your _besties_ do it for me. Did I mention he  _ really _ didn’t like me?” He said  sarcastically .

“Oh shut up. Asahi gives the best readings.” She said and  lightly punched his shoulder.

“Anyways, you’re blocking my way. And what’s up with that outfit?” She asked as she looked up him up an down in disgust.

She got in through the door and he rolled his eyes and walked back to his bike. 

“People don’t appreciate nirvana as much as they should, they were a great band.” He thought to himself as he rode his bike through the city. The wind made his hair flow behind him, the sun shone on him, making the cold and warm balanced. He enjoyed it as much as he could before he could go into some traffic.

The dorm building was still a mess. People were still clogging up the dorms. And there was still noise everywhere. He expected that they would calm down by the time he was back. Turns out they didn’t. Some door even had toilet paper hanging from the top of it.

“Hey! Aren’t you Hyunsuk’s roomie?” Someone across the hall asked him with a smile as he pointed his finger at him.

“Ugh Hyunsuk’s sport buddies.” He thought, fighting the urge to roll his eyes. He couldn’t stand a chance against the sports majors.

“Yup!” He called out.

“Do you know where he is?” He asked, it was the guy Jihoon and some of his friends

“No.” 

They rolled their eyes and left, passing him by across the hall.

He huffed out a breath and entered his dorm, making sure to lock the door after him.

He made his way to his desk and opened up a textbook.

“ Maybe that dude was right. I should open up a textbook." He muttered to himself. 

“Hey. did you waste your money on a nut job or something good?” Hyunsuk said as he entered the door. 

“Nah. Went with the nut job.”

Asahi grabbed his camera off his shelf and set it up on his desk. he sat in front of it and turned the camera on.

_"hey. i got some news. you'll like this one."_


	11. chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 😗✌️
> 
> song of the chapter: heaven and back by chase atlantic

Jeongwoo, Mashiho and Jaehyuk sat on the bleachers again. Though they expressed their hatred for the bleachers  thoroughly , they always sat there. They  just sat down eating lousy vanilla ice cream from an ice cream truck that parked in front their campus. It was  weirdly crowded. like it didn’t taste like dirt or something. Their brows joined together as they ate the ice cream.

“This is gross.” Jeongwoo gagged and walked up to the trash three rows above theirs.  The sun was starting to set into dusk and there were still people practising on the field, the weather got more tolerable but it was still hot .

“I can’t believe I wasted my money on this.” Mashiho said and looked down at the ice cream with regret and grief over his lost money. They followed Jeongwoo to the trash can and threw it there.

“Guess what.” Jaehyuk said once they sat back down.

“What?” Jeongwoo asked.

“Do you remember that dude from the writing club?” Jaehyuk said.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Who?” Mashiho asked.

“You weren’t there.” 

“I got the reading at a store he worked at.” He said.

“Readin g?” Mashiho asked.

“Yeah, tarot cards.”

“Bora said I should go there.” He rolled his yes. He still believed that she sent him there as this big joke that only her and Asahi were in on.

“Which Bora?” Jeongwoo asked and pulled out a lollipop from his bag. The weather was still as hot as ever and there were people still practising on the feild.

“Ugh Kim Bora.” He said, people always asked that like they didn’t know which one he was talking about. He didn’t even know anyone called Bora other than Kim bora. 

“Oh! That girl that said she didn’t want to be partners with you?” Mashiho pointed out.  All the embarrassment from that day went right back into him when Mashiho mentioned Bora completely rejecting him .

“yep.” H e said shortly, pressing his lips together into a thin line

“Then why would she be talking with you?” Jeongwoo asked.

“Because she’s my partner. I convinced her.”

Mas h iho snorted and covered his mouth to stop himself from laughing.

“Look I  just didn’t want to fail physics.”he cleared up and rolled his eyes. 

“I remember that dude, he  really didn’t like us.” Jeongwoo said. 

“I  saw her give him money and leave. Why do you think she did that?” He asked.

“Drugs.” Jeongwoo replied shortly like he was one hundred percent sure that drugs was the answer.

“No. I don’t think so.” Mashiho said.

“He does work at a place that has a lot of _herbs.”_ Jaehyuk suggested.

“Damn Jaehyuk! You’re _nosy.”_ Jeongwoo laughed.

“No but  literally . I’m curious.” Jaehyuk didn’t deny that he was nosy, he  just worded it  differently .

“ I think he did her homework.” Mashiho said.

“ maybe . But let’s think bigger.” Jeongwoo said,  dramatically putting his hands in the air in front of him. Jaehyuk’s brows raised and he snapped his fingers.

“Wait. I know I know!”

They turned their heads to him in curiosity and waited for him to say something.

“What are these male prostitutes called?” He said.

“Oh my god.” Jeongwoo sighed and dropped his shoulders. Mashiho buried his face in his hands and shook his head.

“Speak of the devil.” Jeongwoo muttered and tensed up.

Asahi and some of his friends walked along the bleachers to where they were sitting.  He was wearing a stripped yellow sweater and shorts, slinging his black messenger bag over his shoulder . They tensed up and watched them as they got closer. 

“Oh. It’s you.” Asahi said with a small smile.  Thankfully , Bora wasn’t with him.  Just some people from theatre and literature. They haven’t told him their majors yet, but he can tell.

“Hey.” Jaehyuk muttered and looked forward.

“So…what are you guys doing?” He said, trying to start up a conversation out of no where.

“We’re just…sitting.” Jeongwoo said.

“Cool.” Asahi muttered.

“Hey, jaehoon.” He said, calling out to Jaehyuk

“My name’s jaehyuk.” He turned his head to him.

“Jaehyuk I mean. we should hang out sometimes or something.”

Jaehyuk raised a brow at him in confusion to find Asahi staring back at him  blankly .

“What?” He asked.

“I said-“ he said but not cut off by Jaehyuk.

“I know what you said. You can’t be serious.”  He was starting to think this was a huge joke orchestrated by Asahi and Bora to play him and make him look like an absolute idiot .

“Why wouldn’t I be?” He asked  bluntly with his brow raised. His friends were speaking to eachother and Jaehyuk’s friends didn’t pay attention to him.

“You know what- fine, we can hang out sometimes.” Jaehyuk said and gave him a dead smile. He  just stared back at him with that same blank expression. Sometimes Jaehyuk thought it was the only expression he could make.

_“cool.”_ Asahi sighed and leaned back in the bleachers, looking up at the orange blue sky.

Jaehyuk had zero idea why Asahi wanted to be friends with him  all of a sudden. But then again, Asahi and Bora are friends.  These two are on the opposite social and personality spectrum but they were still friends .  The only two things they had in common was hating Jaehyuk and people not freaking out when they see them in the sorority house . None of which Jaehyuk had.

“When are you free?” Asahi asked.

“I don’t know,  maybe Friday.” He said.

“Alright we’ll meet up on Friday.” Asahi said and grabbed his bag, walking out of the bleachers and leaving his friends behind. Jaehyuk  just stared at the sky, watching it as it got darker in confusion. He still couldn’t figure out why Asahi wanted to befriend him  all of a sudden. His eyes trailed him as he left until he was no longer visible.

“That was weird.” He muttered to Mashiho and Jeongwoo. 

“I know right.” Mashiho said.

He checked his watch and figured it would be time to head to his dorm. He walked along the half empty campus to reach his dorm building. He couldn’t be late again. He couldn’t afford a hotel room. And the lady at the front didn’t  really like him.

He  just sold his Friday to a total stranger

_awesome._

“Can’t wait ’til Friday.” He thought  sarcastically .


	12. chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wrote this at midnight 😸
> 
> song of the chapter: feel good inc. by gorillaz

Jaehyuk waited for asahi in the lobby of his dorm building where he said he would pick him up. People him passed by in the lobby, none of them were Asahi.  He checked his watch from time to time and tapped his index finger on his knee as he  constantly looked around for any sign of him . Not like he was late, Jaehyuk  just expected to  be picked up earlier.

More people passed by, some rushing out. Some running out the door in their sports gear and getting yelled at by the lady in the reception. Some were walking in, throwing their balls up in the air and catching them. Still. None of them were Asahi.  The receptionist would look up at him in astonishment sometimes, on why he was still sitting there .

“You waiting for someone?” She asked when her curiosity beat her. He looked up at her in surprise and  hesitantly smiled.

“Uh…yeah.” He said.

“Is it a date?” She asked and looked back down at her desk.

“No no. Um..it’s a friend.” He said with a hesitant chuckle. He didn’t even know if it was appropriate to call Asahi a friend. They didn’t even know each other that well to  be considered friend. But what would he tell her. That it was someone that hates him who also  awkwardly asked him to hang out the other day? Even he got confused replaying that sentence in his head.

“They keeping you waiting huh?” She said and shook her head as she put on her glasses and started to write on some papers.

“Not  really .” He said.

“I’m  just here early.”

“People will think you got stood up.” She told him  as-a-matter-of-factly with her brows raised. After contemplating what he should say next in his head, he decided to not say anything. What would  someone even say when they get told that?

The dorm building door opened, letting in a gush of warm breeze into the building. He turned his head to see Asahi looking around and walking up to him when he found him. Jaehyuk stood up and looked at him.

“What? Was I late or something?” He asked when he found Jaehyuk sitting there looking like he  was frustrated .

“No, you weren’t.” Jaehyuk answered him  quickly .

“He was waiting here for a long time.” The lady at the reception said. Jaehyuk always knew that lady had too much to say. He took a deep breath in and shut his eyes in embarrassment.

“Did you  really ?” Asahi asked.

“That doesn’t matter, let’s go.” He said and walked ahead with Asahi following after him. They left the door building and walked towards the car park.

“You have a car?” Jaehyuk asked as they walked along the parking lot with some cars passing them by.

“Yeah, but it’s getting fixed. I borrowed one from a friend.” He said and stopped in front of a white open roof car.

“Who was the friend?” Jaehyuk asked and pointed at the car with someone already in mind.

“Not bora.” He said as if he read his mind and got in the drivers seat. Jaehyuk took the front seat and Asahi started up the car with the engine heaving. They drove off the parking lot and passed campus grounds.

“So where are we going?” Jaehyuk asked after a long silence.

“The city,  maybe a cafe.” He said, focusing on the street with a monotone, bored expression.

“Why do you look so serious?” Jaehyuk asked.

“What do you mean, I’m not serious.” He said.

“Can I turn on the radio?” he asked and extended his hand to the radio.

“No.” Asahi said as soon as he asked.

Another long silence fell between them. Jaehyuk  just let the wind flow through his hair and clothes.  It wasn’t the most comfortable thing but it was better than talking with Asahi and being  painfully awkward . It got darker when they pulled up in a closed car park. 

The car eng ine stopped when Asahi stopped the car.

“I still don’t understand where we’re going.” Jaehyuk said and got out of the car after Asahi.

“ Just follow me.” Asahi sighed and took the lead.  Jaehyuk followed after him into the side walk beside the little shops and restaraunts .

“So….tell me about yourself.” Asahi said and put his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

“Um, I  really like….I don’t know.” Jaehuk had a good start, but then he figured out that he still hated everything, so that wouldn’t turn out right. The busy traffic and the beeping of cars were still prominent. A lot of people walked through the city, most in their swim wear so they could go to the beach.

“Ok ay tell me about your family.” Asahi suggested.

“My  family?” 

“Yup.”

“Well they’re  really nice, my dad’s kinda manipulative but he’s still nice.” Jaehyuk said  randomly .

“um..wow.” Asahi said, surprised by his sudden response.

“What about _your_ family.” Jaehyuk asked.

“My family’s fine. I work in my aunt’s store. You know…the one you went to.” He said and looked down at the floor.

“That was your aunt?” Jaehyuk asked and looked at him.

“Yep” 

“What do you study?”

“literature. And i'm guessing you study engineering.” He said  sarcastically .

“Which highschool did you go to?” Asahi asked.,

“Um…it was a high school in Seoul.” Jaehyuk answered.

“Cool cool.” Asahi aid with a monotone voice, still looking down on the floor trying his footsteps.

“Should we go to a cafe first?” Jaehyuk suggested.

“Yeah we sh ould.” Asahi muttered.

They entered a small cafe not too far away from where they were and sat down and a table for two. They stayed silent and said nothing to each other. Jaehyuk had his hands folded in front of him on the table looking around at the cafe. Asahi pulled a notebook from his messenger bag and started writing. That caught Jaehyuk’s attention, he peaked at the writing. Not  really understanding what he wrote.

“What are you writing?” He asked.

“None of your business.” Asahi muttered and kept on writing.

The one thing about Asahi

Was th at he was  really awkward

So was Jaehyuk.

Awkward and awkward  just doesn’t work.


	13. chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> treasure's winning roty. periodt.
> 
> song of the chapter: in your eyes by the weekend

Asahi grabbed his small metallic grey camera off his shelf and set it up on his table. He sat down in the chair and leaned forward to click the “on” button. 

“Hey, so I went out with him today.” He told the camera, for some reason expecting it to answer back.

“It was awfully awkward.” His roommate wasn’t here, he would film whenever he wasn’t there. It would be awkward to film in front of his roommate. Even though it was a weekend, he stayed in campus. The sun shone through his window, lighting up his tidy room  comfortably .

“I’m trying to be friends with him, but this guy  clearly doesn’t want to be friends. I don’t want to be friends either, but I have to meet his grandmother.” He ranted to the silent camera in front of him.

“This is important, that spell Is important!” He said in a loud tone, then figured he should bite his tongue. Walls in the college dormitories were as thin as paper. But he seemed to respect that. Definitely not the people who live in the dorms near him. And besides, people would think he’s weirder than they already do. if that’s even possible, in people’s eyes, he was kind of crazy. The only thing saving his ass from the bigger fish in this college is his friendship with royalty, Bora. Not that she was an actual royal or anything.

“It’ll take me a while to be friends with him. If I even make it through the process, that dude _pisses_ me the fuck off.” He rolled his eyes. It was true. Jaehyuk was the type of person Asahi would hate to the bone. 

“He’s  just so annoying. And _impossible.”_ He said in a frustrated tone.

“I try to be nice, but he wouldn’t buy it. This guy is  really something, isn’t he.” He scoffed and looked to the side. He couldn’t believe he was getting angry over someone like Jaehyuk.

“I mean _come on._ That guy’s an absolute mess. He isn’t very fond of me either. Not to mention his extreme fear of Bora. Come on! That’s ridiculous!” He said  loudly .

“Shut up!” He heard someone yell from the hallway right outside of his dorm room.

“Fuck off!” He yelled back and turned his head to the camera with a grimace. 

“Anyways.” He said with a sigh.

“I should stop yelling. It’s  just that the dude is so weird to me. What type of batshit madness did I get myself into?”  He sat criss-crossed in his chair, beginning to get more comfortable, different from his tense position earlier . He always gets more comfortable a few minutes into filming. His brows  were joined in pure frustration. He still wore his pyjama shorts and t-shirt, wearing his glasses and a headband to pull his hair back from his face. 

“This is gonna take longer than I thought.” A sigh escaped his lips as he put a hand to his forehead.

“Out of all people it  just _had_ to be him. How come it wasn’t Yoshi from theatre? He’s a nice kid.” 

“I’m talking about Yoshi like I don’t know him already.” He chuckled. Him and Yoshi were friends for as long as he can remember. He got up from his seat and closed the curtains, turning his room dark.

“That’s better.”

“I  just woke up, the sun’s a bitch.” He chuckled. Sometimes he had to remind himself that his camera was  just a camera and not a person that can actually speak to him.

“So, back to Yoon Jaehyuk. This dude is  honestly so dumb.” 

“I don’t have any classes today. I’ll  just work on some spells. I still have to renew my protection jar. It’s a month old now.” 

“What should I do with that guy though? Should I  just ask Bora what he likes? How the fuck would she know anyway. He’s terrified of her.”

“It’s so pathetic.  Honestly . I can’t believe I’m wasting my time on him.” he shook his head.

“But he’s my only chance.”

“Hello?” His roommate said from the door.

“Oh. Um.” He  quickly got up from his chair and closed his camera  abruptly .

“Didn’t know you’d be back so soon.” Asahi muttered as he  quickly picked up his stuff.

“Um….okay?” He said and took off his shoes before flopping on his bed.

Asahi stopped in his tracks and started thinking.

“Should I go meet him?” He thought.

He  quickly walked up to his wardrobe and picked out the first outfit he saw.

“Where are you going?” His roommate asked.

“out.” He answered and went to the bathroom to get changed. He got baggy pants and a washed out beetles shirt. Not the best, but enough for him to show his face in public without being embarrassing or losing face.

He got out of the dorm when he got changed and walked through campus. The best thing about it is that there wasn’t much people on campus. Everyone was out to see their families. 

He looked around, almost sure he remembered where Jaehyuk’s dorm building was. He didn’t understand why he was walking so  quickly . But that didn’t matter. All he knew is that he’s gonna get it right This time. He’s gonna be Yoon Jaehyuk’s friend. He’s gonna meet his grandmother. He’s gonna ace his spell. And everything will be all fine.

“I can do this.” he tried to reassure himself with a determined nod.  He got stares from the few people scattered across campus, but he  just ignored them and charged through the scorching noon .

Finally.  He  was met with the glass doors of Jaehyuk’s dorm building, he smiled and  hesitantly walked through the doors . The place was definitely colder than how it was outside. all air conditioners in the lobby were open. The lady at the reception was sitting on her chair reading a magazine. He walked up to her desk and set his elbows on it.

“Hey, do you know Yoon Jaehyuk?” He asked.

“Yup. What do you need?” She said, not bothering to look up from her magazine.

“Can I have his room number please?” He asked, panting from how fast he was walking earlier. He  just hoped it would be all worth it in the end.

“314.” She said. His brows raised, he was  fully expecting her to not give him the dorm number.

“Wait, aren’t you supposed to protect that kind of information?” He asked.

“whatever. Just knock yourself out kid.”

And he did. He went in the elevator and pressed four. His dorm should be there.

There was no one in the elevator so it gave him an opportunity to sit down and rest until he got there.

The elevator dinged and its mechanic doors tarted to open. He was still sitting down, he didn’t expect anyone to be going out. 

A couple was staring him down in disgust when they saw him there. He scurried off in embarrassment and walked along the depressing hallways. 

311

312

313

And finally

314.

He knocked the door, not realising how  aggressively he knocked it. He stopped and shut his eyes and knocked it lighter. The door opened.

Jaehyuk stared at him in confusion when he saw him there.

“What are you doing here?” He muttered with his brows joined as if he  was offended .

_“Hey.”_ Asahi panted with a synthetic smile.


	14. chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jaesahi is so fucking pure i can't- 😭🏃♀️
> 
> song of the chapter: fire drill by melanie martinez

“Hey.” Asahi said. Jaehyuk still looked at him in confusion  as to why he was in his front step at a time like that. He looked back at his room, trying to see if it wasn’t that horrible. That  maybe he could let him in. Asahi waited for him not so  patiently , with the smile plastered on his face wearing off. He rolled his eyes when Jaehyuk wasn’t looking, he didn’t know why he wasn’t in his room already. Jaehyuk had an unsure look on his face but then he thought “whatever.”

He extended a hand into his room and opened the door wider, making way for Asahi.

“Finally.” He thought and entered a room. His top lip curled up in disgust when he looked around at the room.

“This is filthy.” He thought.

“Um sorry about the mess. Its uh…it was my roommate.” Jaehyuk excused and scratched the back of his head. Asahi looked down at the empty pizza box right beside where he was standing and shuffled away from it.

“That’s not a problem.” He turned his head to Jaehyuk and smiled with the fakest smile he could conjure in that moment. Jaehyuk pressed his lips into a thin line and nodded at him. Asahi sat in a chair and still looked at the room in bewilderment.

“So, why are you here?” Jaehyuk asked. Asahi looked at him with a blunt look, he didn’t come up with something on his way here. He didn’t know what to tell him. It took him a few seconds to process and Jaehyuk was starting to get weirded out.

“Um.. I was  just close to your dorm building, and I thought it would be nice to visit you.” He said  hesitantly .

“at noon?” Jaehyuk squinted his eyes at him in speculation and asked.

“Yeah, um I walk around at times like these.” He chuckled. Jaehyuk still looked suspicious and Asahi  just tried to keep up his smile. Even Asahi knew that the lie he  just told Jaehyuk was horrible. Who the fuck walks around a college campus at noon?

“That was so fucking stupid.” He thought to himself in regret. Jaehyuk dropped that look and walked to his fridge and looked through it.  When Jaehyuk turned around and stopped staring him down, Asahi dropped the smile and sighed in relief, rolling his eyes . he  was relieved that he didn't have to keep smiling.

“Do you want anything? A drink? Or water?” Jaehyuk asked.

“I’d like a drink.” Asahi said. Jaehyuk’s fridge was almost empty, Asahi tilted his head to see the fridge better. Old pizza slices and a sandwich was all he saw from his point of view. 

Jaehyuk stood back up and held up a neon blue drink in his hand. Asahi looked at the drink in confusion.

_“Gatorade?”_ He asked in disbelief. By drink he meant something like apple juice, not gatorade. Jaehyuk look at him with a bored look still holding the gatorade in his hand.

“You don’t like it?” Jaehyuk asked  bluntly . Gatorade was all Hyunsuk brought from the convenience store, it was quite a shame Asahi didn’t want it. Because Jaehyuk had nothing else in the fridge but Gatorade and a sandwich. Not that he cared or anything.

“No, I don’t like energy drinks.” Asahi said, forgetting that he should’ve been polite.

“Should we get outta here?” Jaehyuk asked. That was exactly what Asahi wanted to hear since he stepped into that dorm. He was the first one to get up and walk to the door. Jaehyuk followed after him and left the dorm.

“So where are we going?” Jaehyuk asked as they walked along the hallways.

“I don’t know, some bench  maybe ?” He said.

They entered the elevator and didn’t say a word to each other. The only thing audible was the whirring of the elevator wires. Jaehyuk stared at himself in the mirrored walls and Asahi took a quick glance at him. He chuckled when he saw him  just stare at himself and Jaehyuk didn’t even notice. The elevator dinged open and they walked into the still empty lobby. 

The lady at the reception looked up from her magazine and looked at them. She shook her head and looked back down, sighing.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Jaehyuk asked, squinting his eyes to block the rays of the sun.

“We’ll sit under some shade.” Asahi answered him and looked around for some sort of place they can sit. They walked along the campus. It got emptier, there were less people now. Not that it was a bad thing, large crowds sucked. Jaehyuk looked around the place looking for shade, not looking too convinced. There were some clouds decorating the blue sky and a nice breeze. the breeze made the heat a little more tolerable.

“We can sit under that tree.” Jaehyuk pointed at a tree in the middle of some grass felid. The first thing Asahi thought was “fuck no” but he didn’t  really have a choice. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He looked at Jaehyuk with dead eyes forcing a smile.

“Sure.” He said through gritted teeth. Jaehyuk smiled  cheerfully and took the lead.

When they got to the tree, Jaehyuk sat against the tree trunk and Asahi took out a notebook from his messenger bag leaning forward and resting his hand on his chin . Jaehyuk glanced at him and asked,

“Are you actually gonna study?” 

“Im not studying?” He muttered. Jaehyuk leaned forward to check out what he was doing. He was writing in a notebook, glancing at an open book from time to time and copying off. Asahi pushed the book away from Jaehyuk so he would stop reading but he  just followed and still looked at the book.

“Are you writing sigils?” Jaehyuk asked. Asahi dropped his pen and turned his head to him, looking at him in curiosity.

“How did you know?” He asked.

“I used to write them when I was younger.” he said. Asahi still looked at him with the same blunt look.

“My grandma.” Jaehyuk elaborated. Asahi raised his brows and picked his pen back up.

“Wow.” He muttered. Asahi noticed something about Jaehyuk. His scent. It smelled like lavender. Asahi loved lavender. But he couldn’t help but notice that his scent changes from time to time.

“I like your perfume.” He muttered with a small smile.

“Um..thank you.” Jaehyuk said with a hesitant chuckle.

His scent always changed

Lavender

Sometimes peaches

Vanilla

_But lavender definitely was Asahi’s favourite._


	15. chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> buh, the shit that i get myself into- 😐
> 
> song of the chapter: glued by melanie martinez

“What happened to that footage?” Jaehyuk asked in panic. Bora sighed and looked at the ground with her hands in her back pockets. It looked like she was trying to muster up the courage to say something, which freaked Jaehyuk out more.

“It got damaged.” She muttered. He rolled his eyes and paced around her room in frustration.

“But it’s okay, it was only one video.” She said, trying to make this all look better.

“Are you shitting me right now?” He asked in disbelief.

“Come one, it was only one video. We’ll  just film another one.” she said. He took a deep breath in and paced around the room to try and gather himself.

“Are you serious right now? The due date’s _tomorrow!_ How did you damage it anyways?” He asked. 

“Hey. Watch your mouth! It wasn’t my fault okay.” She pointed a finger and glared at him. He had his hands resting on his hips, waiting for her to answer.

“I invited my girls over….and something  just …happened _okay.”_ She said.

“Oh my god. W-we can go to IT! They’ll fix it I’m sur-“ he said, already taking the initiative and packing his stuff to go to IT.

“Hey hey hey!”  She followed after him and stopped him in his place, he looked at her in surprise, he  genuinely thought that it was a good idea .

“Look. The footage is gone. The faster you accept that, the faster we get this done.” 

“We still have a chance to fix it!”

“Jaehyuk sit down!”

He dropped himself on the chair and looked away from Bora, he couldn’t Stand looking at her right now. She took a paper out of the many papers scattered on her bed and held it up to him with a bored face.

“ Just take this paper. And read the notes we wrote. We can  just take another video.” She said and hopped on her bed, not minding the papers. He trying to keep his anger intact, his leg was popping up and down. He decided he had enough and picked up his bag again. Bora looked up at him and stood up.

“The fuck are you doing now?” She groaned.

“I’m going to miss Kang’s office.” He told her  briefly and headed to the door. Right as he was about to turn the doorknob she stopped him.

“I don’t think she’s in her office.” Bora sighed.

“She is.” 

“Fine I’ll go with you.” She muttered and grabbed her bag and headband off the ground as she slipped her flip flops on. On her way to the door, she found Jaehyuk looking at her in amusement and she rolled her eyes at him and opened the door. 

“Why do you even wanna go?” She asked as they walked through the school corridors. People passed them by holding books in their hands. Some were running. Jaehyuk guessed they were fucking up an assignment.  Just like him and Bora.

“I need to ask her if she can give us more time.” He muttered. She glared at him and stopped in her tracks.

“She gave us two extra weeks to finish it. There’s no fucking way she’ll give us more time.” She said  slowly , holding up two fingers. Because Jaehyuk didn’t agree with anything she said and she tried to see if she could get it through his thick skull. He  just looked at her with a bored look and continued walking as she followed.

“It wouldn’t hurt if we  just asked her. Might as well go and ask.” He mumbled. No matter how much she wanted to disagree with him, she though he had a good point. If she agreed they wouldn’t have to cram for the rest of the day, and if he agreed to giving them more time, they can  just cram.

“I hung out with him a few days ago.” Asahi said to his camera. as always, his roommate was gone and the curtains  were drawn closed. He had his blanket covering him on the chair.

“I think I might have a chance to be friends.” He saw his reflection in his camera and stared back at it, talking to it like it was a real person. That person mimicked his every move and spoke all the words he said, of course, it was only his reflection. It was just him. 

“He’s onto me. I know it. I’m sure he thinks i’m sketchy.” Paranoia is something hard to tell people they have. But Asahi was sure it wasn’t paranoia. In his opinion, he was saying the full truth.

“Can’t we  just be friends without him analysing my every move?” He said in frustration.

“I like his perfume though.”

“Lavender.” He recalled.

“Lavender’s my favourite.” A small smile decorated his face as he glanced at his jar full of lavender on his desk.

“Don’t get me wrong though. I still can’t stand him.” He clarified. 

“He knows more than I thought about witchcraft.” 

“Didn’t  really expect him to know about sigils.”

“And I know. I should open my curtains and let the sun in. I’m  just not in the mood.” He said and looked down.

“You’re never in the mood.” A voice said to him.

He looked down and bit his lip. He figured it was right, he was never in the mood. 

“So, about Jaehyuk.” He said, clearing his throat trying to get rid of the tension that was choking him.

“I’m sure we’re gonna be friends in no time.” he forced a smile as he said that. It’s the rule, if you want something act like you have it. And  really have actual desire for that thing for fuck’s sake.

“Im pretty sure.”

“I know I should get this done faster. But I’m  just busy, with college and stuff.”

“I’ve  just been out of it lately. I haven’t been myself.” A weight  was put onto his shoulder as he said that. He looked down and picked at his blanket.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” His voice cracked. he looked back up at his camera and felt the tears burning in his eyes.

“This is all so hard on me. Things back home  are fucked up. Things at college  are fucked up. Everything  is fucked up!” He said, getting louder and louder the more he went. But this time, there was no one in the hallways telling him to shut up.

“Everything feels like it’s crumbling between my very own hands. This is my _life!”_ he let the tears roll down in his cheeks, the lump in his throat started to disappear. He took chopped breaths in, trying to calm himself down.

“I’m not even there to help anyone.”

“I can’t even help myself.”

“This is fucking with my mind.”

“I can’t handle this pressure.”

His mind felt like it  was forced to drift somewhere else.

This was more complicated than the petty shit he had with Jaehyuk,

In fact, this was in no way related to Jaehyuk at all.


	16. chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TREASURE WON ROTY ADEFHKHRUEUIF  
> i just made up a brother for Asahi and what about it? 🔫🥰
> 
> song of the chapter: not around by nova

Asahi walked to class with his signature blank expression, paying no mind to anyone walking past him . He just needed to get to class. The rays of the sun shone through the clouds. Asahi swifted through the busy hallways, trying to make it to the class. It pissed him off even more to see that the teacher scheduled the lesson to be in a lecture hall so far away from his dorm. This campus was too big for Asahi's poor legs.

He entered the class and sat in a middle row on his own, pulling out a heavy book from his bag. He read through it as he waited for the teacher to get here. The class got more filled with people throughout a couple of minutes. But still no sign of the teacher. If she didn't come by 10 to 15 minutes, Asahi would be out of there. He had better things to do then wait for a late teacher.

"Where is she? I have no time for this." He thought in a grimace.

As soon as that thought crossed his mind, he heard the sound of heals clank against the floor, he looked up and saw the teacher . She wore a homely sweater and knitted cardigan.

"Settle down." She said to the class and set her things on the table. He closed his book and stuffed it in his bag.

"Welcome to your mass communication and journalism class. In shorter words, journalism." She said that in a very bored face. Like she's said that a million times already. But that didn't really matter. Asahi just had to sit through her class.

"Take out your textbook and open up to page 251." He took out his book on journalism from his bag when she asked the class to, flicking through the large amount of pages to page 251 .

Right In the middle of the lecture, his phone vibrated and run in his pocket. He took it out in confusion to find an unknown number, he flipped his phone open and answered the call.

"Hello?" He said quietly .

"Hello is this Hamada Asahi?" The person on the other line said, a professional sounding woman.

"Yes." He said, getting kind of weirded out.

"I'm calling from Hiroshi's school, he got into some trouble and he needs to be picked up. We called his parents, but unfortunately they were unavailable, so we're hoping you would be able to pick him up." She said. Asahi closed his eyes and let out a sigh. His expression turned into a serious one and he started to pack his things.

"Yup, I'll be there." He said and ended the call. Asahi picked up his bag and climbed down the stairs of the lecture hall, trying to get to the door.

As he was about to open the door the teacher turned her head to him.

"Excuse me, where are you going?"

He turned his head to her in surprise that she was even asking.

"I need to go."

"I didn't give you permission." She said briefly .

"It's an emergency." He said, he tried to avoid saying that but he had to. Everyone's eyes were onto him.

"And what would that emergency be?" She asked bluntly , she knew exactly what she was doing. Asahi glared at her with his heart starting to heat up from anger. asking that question was inappropriate and highly offensive.

"I'm not obligated to tell you." He muttered and shut the door closed.

He drove, focusing on the road with a whole lot of things running through his mind. His brother was starting to get himself in all sorts of trouble. And his parents were either unavailable or too stressed to care.

He was lucky the streets weren't busy, or his anger would've been through the roof. Hell, he would've been in trouble too. Not getting sent home, but prison. An actual correctional facility. His car just got fixed, and he should be excited to use it again. He didn't really expect to be upset .

He pulled up beside an empty middle school. It was empty outside, no one was walking outside. Just his brother. Dragging his footsteps to the car, looking down making his hair cover his face. He slung his backpack on one shoulder and his uniform was untidy. Asahi sighed and looked forward.

Hiroshi opened the door and got in the front seat. They didn't say a word to each other and Asahi drove off.

"so.....what did you do?" He asked, breaking the silence.

"Got into a fight with a kid at school." He muttered with his hand set up on the car armrest on the door to hold up his head.

"Why?" Asahi muttered with his eyebrows furrowed in frustration.

" Just some.... _.stupid shit."_

"Are you getting bullied?" Asahi asked

"No....we just got into an argument."

"You gotta stop doing this Hiroshi, you're 15 now. I expect maturity."

"It wasn't my fault, He started it!" Hiroshi turned his head to Asahi and argued.

"I don't care who did it first. Stop getting into fights, mom and dad will get worried." Asahi said.

"Whatever." He muttered and rested his head on the window.

"I'm serious."

"You don't even come home anymore, why would you care?" Hiroshi mumbled and closed his eyes, trying to fall asleep. Asahi tensed in his spot and gulped down.

"I-i'm just busy with college, okay." He excused. Although Asahi himself didn't think that was a good excuse. He beat himself up everyday for that.

"Yeah... _right."_ Hiroshi said sarcastically .

The car ride remained silent until Asahi pulled up in front of his parents' house. A heavy weight dropped to his stomach the longer he stared at it. It made him sick to his stomach, all the nostalgia came flooding back. The guilt. The happiness. The sadness. All of it. He looked away from it and instead focused on the road. He couldn't help that feeling of happiness that surged through his veins. But he also couldn't help the feeling of guilt.

Hiroshi got out of the car and looked at Asahi.

"Visit us sometimes. Mom and dad miss you." He said before shutting the door and walking up to the front door. Asahi's eyes trailed him as he left. A pang of surprise hit his heart when he saw his mom opening the front door for Hiroshi. She looked at Hiroshi in an angry expression. Then realised Asahi was there and gave him an endearing smile and a wave. He returned the gesture with a small wave and a sheepish grin.

He drove off and glanced at the side mirror that showed his mom. He looked at that mirror until she was no longer there. He gulped down the lump he had in his throat and tried to focus on the road.

All his lectures finished for the day, he should be in his dorm. Instead he wasn't, he was sitting on the bleachers with a white t-shirt and some shorts at night. There was a fine amount of light, making it more calming than creepy. there were some students walking along campus too. The view of his mother on that doorstep imprinted his mind. He stared into the distance with a blank face.

He took out his phone from his pocket and stared at it, contemplating in his mind. He turned it in his hand, not taking his eyes away from it. After a while he flipped it open and went through his phone records. Staring at the number that had the words "mom" etched on top of it, he quickly pressed the number and put the phone up to his ear . The ringing sound of the phone kept on going. He kind of hoped she wouldn't answer, in case he regretted calling her later on.

"Hello?" His mother answered.

"H-hey mom. It's me. Asahi."

"Asahi!" She mused.

"How are you honey? I missed you!" Hearing her voice so happy like that made this call torture, he sucked in a breath and put a smile on his face.

"Im great mom, how are you?"

"I'm great! don't worry, I gave Hiroshi a lesson." She said.

"That's good, he needs one." He chuckled.

"Why didn't you come in today, you were right there." She asked. His expression fell and he tried to swallow down the lump once more.

"I was uh...I was busy. I had class." He excused, trying to sound normal.

"What a great student. I'm so proud of you." She said. He wanted her to hate him, he couldn't bare to listen to her compliment him and love him.

"Thanks mom." He muttered.

"Visit us sometimes, okay? I miss you." She said. Asahi could tell she got sad when she said that, it was like salt in his wounds.

"I'll be sure to visit. promise." He said.

"Alright I have to go, sweety. I love you!"

"Love you too." He said with a small smile. The line disconnected and he closed his phone.

A tear rolled down his cheeks as the words "I love you" from his mom replayed in his head. He looked down and let all the tears and guilt pent up in him pour out. His breath was choppy and his cheeks and nose began to get red. He looked back up, not even trying to stop himself. No one was paying attention to him anyways.

All the guilt he had tormented him. It was agonising.

"Hey." He heard someone say. He turned his head to find Jaehyuk holding a milkshake and looking at him with a sheepish smile.

"Oh my god." Asahi muttered and looked the other way. Away from Jaehyuk. He wiped his tears trying to hide all the evidence of him crying.

Jaehyuk was the last person he wanted to be with right now.

"What are you doing here." He asked in a tired voice.

"I was just walking around."

_"Are you okay?"_ Jaehyuk asked.

_"yes."_

_"You don't need to hide it, I saw you crying on the way here."_


	17. chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ur favourite bitch posted this chapter even though she's sick asf 🙄💅
> 
> song recommendation - daddy issues by the neighbourhood

Asahi bit his lip and looked forward, not even bothering to try and keep up his argument with him. Jaehyuk sat beside him and ate his food. They remained silent. Asahi couldn’t even find the words. What would he even say anyways.

“Jaehyuk what do you want?” He asked in a tired voice, looking at the empty baseball field in front of him. The huge head lights were still open giving the mowed grass a glow.

“Nothing.” He said  briefly and took a bite out of his food. Asahi wasn’t familiar with the idea, everyone wanted something. It’s not like a person  just wants nothing.

“Why are you here?” He asked again and turned his head to him.

“Why _can’t_ I be here?” He flipped the question and looked at Asahi  blankly .

Asahi scoffed and looked back at the field.  Normally , he would  just leave and not have to deal with shit like that, but he didn’t have the energy to get up and get away from him . So he stayed.

“What’s wrong?” Jaehyuk asked again, now that Asahi wasn’t trying to deny anything.

“None of your business.” He muttered and shook his head.

“You don’t have to tell me.” Jaehyuk said and took another bite. 

“I don’t care anyways.” He said so  nonchalantly .

“Then why do you keep asking?” Asahi asked him in frustration. His nonchalant behaviour  really pissed him off. Jaehyuk was as tone deaf as they come. 

“Why are you out here anyway?” He asked in a more calm tone since Jaehyuk ignored his last question.

“The lady at the reception called in sick so she’s not here. Why are _you_ here?”

“Because they let me.”

“Who were you calling by the way?” He asked.

“Stop being so fucking nosy.” Asahi turned his head to him and glared at him in disbelief. If he were to ask that question, he would  be ashamed . But Jaehyuk was completely different from him. He didn’t care if people thought he was rude or not. He  just said and did whatever he had in mind, not expecting any consequences to come from his actions.

“You don’t have to tell me.” He said  carelessly . 

“Are you here to piss me off or comfort me or what the fuck do you want?” He asked, he didn’t know what the point was. Why Jaehyuk was sitting beside him in the first place.

“Do you _want_ me to comfort you?” He turned his head to him and asked. Asahi rolled his eyes and looked back forward.

“Because I suck at that.” He completed his sentence and tended back to his food.

“whatever.” Asahi groaned.

“Well…..what happened? Did your grandma die or something?” Jaehyuk asked. Asahi looked at him with his lip curled up and his brow raised.

“No.”

“Did your card get declined? So you were on the phone with the bank?”

“Ugh no.”

“Then what?”

“Why do you want to know so much?” Asahi asked.

“I don’t know.  Maybe I can help you or something.” Jaehyuk shrugged.

“You would never be able to help me with that.” Asahi sighed.

“I don’t know it’s up to you I don’t  really care. I thought  maybe you’d wanna talk about it.” 

“I was on the phone with my mom.” Asahi admitted, there was no use trying to hide it.

“Does she hate you or something?”

“No. She doesn’t.”

“Does she have cancer?”

“Jaehyuk shut up!”

“Woah no need to get aggressive.” He said  sarcastically and raised his arms in mock surrender. Asahi sat back down and rolled his eyes.

“Did your dad leave?”

“No.” Asahi said, trying not to give in to the urge of beating him up.

“Then what? You tell me.” 

“Never mind.” Asahi stood up and tried to walk away. Jaehyuk picked up his food and followed after him.

“Stop following me.” Asahi said and walked faster, but it went through one ear and out the other.

“Im not.” Jaehyuk said and caught up with his pace.

Asahi gave in and  just walked along with him. Not like he wanted to. He was too drained and tired to put up a fight with anyone. All the energy in him  was sucked out by worrying about other people’s problems and ignoring himself.

It felt lonely, though it wasn’t lonely at all. He had Jaehyuk right beside him and other people walking on campus. But it felt like he was walking on a tight rope with swords of consequences at the bottom. So if he dropped, he would die.

“Why are you so quiet?” Jaehyuk asked.

“Do you _want_ me to speak with you?” Asahi rolled his eyes and asked  sarcastically .

Jaehyuk ignored him and continued eating his food, they walked along campus in the weird warmth of the night . It didn’t seem like they were walking for that long. After a few minutes of walking, Jaehyuk stopped in his place and pointed  eagerly at something. Asahi raised his brows and tried to look at what he was pointing at.

It was  just an empty field on campus. Nothing special. He followed him to the field, not bothering to ask him anything.

They sat under a tree and Asahi leaned his head against the tree trunk, staring at the star dusted, endless sky above him . since he didn’t have anything to do. He didn’t bring his bag or his notebook. Jaehyuk sat beside him with his back against the tree, eating his food. 

The cool breeze the swifted through the warm night making the leaves above them rustle, giving him calmness and peace of mind . And Jaehyuk was quiet. Which made it 10 times better.

“Aren’t you…..scared?” Asahi muttered, breaking the long silence.

“Of what?”

“It’s dark now, the campus is shutting down. We’re  basically in the middle of nowhere.” Asahi said and  slightly turned his head to him.

“But we’re still on campus.” Jaehyuk said cluelessly. 

“Of course I know that, dumbass.” Asahi mumbled. 

“What do you mean then?”

“We’re in a field in a place people aren’t around. And it’s pretty dark.”

“Oh okay, I get it. But no. I’m not scared.”

“We can get kidnapped. Would your parents pay the ransom?” Asahi turned his head to him and said.

“Pfft. No.” He scoffed.

“Why? My parents would.” Asahi asked in curiosity.

“They’ll file a lawsuit and tell the cops instead. Which is pretty dumb. They’ll give the kidnappers more time to kill me.” He chuckled. Asahi looked back at the sky in disbelief at how calm Jaehyuk sounded. Even when he admitted that he didn’t think his parents would pay the ransom if he got kidnapped.

“Then the feds are gonna launch an entire man hunt searching  _all_ of Korea for me. But I’m like dead and chopped up in some landfill.” He snorted.

“That’s fucked up.” Asahi said with his brows raised, looking forward.

One of the reasons Jaehyuk was so weird to him was that he was so calm about shit like that.

he was  just confusing.


	18. chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u don't ship jaesahi, u ain't living right.
> 
> song of the chapter: dancer in the dark by chase atlantic

Asahi sat tensed on the wooden chair. The garden like home didn’t seem so calming as it used to be. He sat there playing with the hem of his shirt as the middle aged woman stared down at him. The silence felt deafening, he felt it ringing in his ears. He prayed and begged for it to end in his head. She stared at the book he put up on the table, he bit his lip in the nervousness of her reaction.

“What’s this?” She asked and  slightly pushed the book.

“I-it’s the notebook you told me to fill in.” He said  quietly not being able to look her in the face.

“Speak up, child.” She said in a stern voice making him flinch at the sudden volume.

“Um it’s the notebook you told me to fill in.” He said  clearly . She scoffed and picked up the book, flicking through its pages. Asahi knew she didn’t read any of it by how fast she was going through.  She flicked through the pages faster and faster, Asahi looked up at her  hesitantly to find her face twisted in a frustrated expression .

“I’m asking you again. _What_ is this?” She held up the book to him and asked.

“It’s the note-“ before he had the chance to complete his sentence, she threw the notebook at the wall behind him. The thud made him flinch and  briefly shake in his chair in a few seconds of shock. 

“This is not a proper notebook. Never show that in my face again!” She said and set her arms on the table, only inches away from his face.

“Show me your cards.” She demanded. He took out his cards from his bag with a shaky hand and put it on the table. She sat on the chair in front of him and watched him shuffle his cards. He felt her overwhelming demeanour dawn over him. 

“C-chose a card.” He muttered in a shaky voice.

“Wrong!” She shouted making him flinch.

“Say it louder. You didn’t even ask what I want a reading on. Is this what I taught you?” She yelled at him. He felt the tears stinging his eyes as he bit his lip, using every strength he had in his body to hold back his tears. 

“Sorry.” He whimpered, feeling the tears roll down his face.

“Sorry’s not good enough.” She muttered. 

The place went dark and these words echoed around him. He felt his lungs collapse on him and his brain turn to liquid. He tried to say something but he couldn’t utter a word. 

The little bit of vision he  was left with started to fail him. Everything disappeared into the void as he  desperately gasped for air. A deafening sound filled his ears, getting louder and louder. like the sound of a broken radio  being forced into his ears. 

He opened his eyes to see someone staring at him, his eyes widened and he tried to follow that person. Before he could get there, he got  aggressively pushed back to the chair. At this point, he  really couldn’t breath.

Asahi bolted up in his bed gasping. A cold sweat showered him from head to toe making a few hairs stick to his forehead. He looked down at his hands and turned them panting, still in shock. 

When he realised it was  just a dream, he let out a sigh and dropped his shoulders. a weight left his heart when he  was freed from the anxiety of that dream. But another weight immediately replaced the weight that left. He never liked recalling the memories of his childhood.

He got up from his bed and left it, with the rustling of his bed sheets being the only sound in the dorm. He still wore his white t-shirt and shorts he was wearing earlier with Jaehyuk. 

The dorm was dark, the only light came from outside the window, but he didn’t mind. Actually. he felt grateful for the darkness, he didn’t need to feel under a microscope more than he was already feeling. 

He went into the small balcony in his dorm, staring into the void. Night engulfed the campus and the silence made him calm. Traffic from the distance and the wind were the only sounds echoing in the campus. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, turning it in his hands. Brushing his thumb over the front of it. 

After a while, he pulled out a cigarette from the small box and put it back in his pocket, taking out a lighter.  He put it between his lips and cupped his hand around it, flicking the lighter a few times until it let out a small, dancing flame . He lit the cigarette and put it between his index and middle finger. 

Pulling in the smoke gave him a wave of relaxation. A type of relaxation he can only get from smoking cigarettes. He held it between his fingers and he stared into the distance blowing the smoke out in front of him. The breeze went through his hair and clothes. 

His senses started to numb out. His eyes were  barely open. He put the cigarette back between his lips and took another pull. holding it in his lungs, then blowing it back out again. Again, it made him relaxed. It was about 3 in the morning. Way too late to be staying up and smoking. But his subconscious had to torment him. That dream  was fucked up. He was only 9 years old in that dream.

Memories like that still came back to haunt him. It was horrible, but there was nothing he could do. His heart rate calmed down and his mood wasn’t happy but not sad either. What type of mood would it  be called ?

“Jaehyuk’s  probably asleep now.” He muttered to himself after he blew out the smoke. 

“Why am I even thinking about him?” He shook his head and took another pull out of the cigarette.

“Thinking about who?” His roommate asked from behind him. He turned his head to him and blew the smoke out, then turned his head back when he saw it was  just his roommate.

“Can I have one?” He asked when he stood beside him.

“Sure.” Asahi pulled out another cigarette from the packet and handed it to him with the lighter.

“Why are you awake right now?” He asked. Asahi took another pull, he didn’t want to get reminded of that dream.

“It was  just a nightmare.” He muttered looking forward at the campus, blowing out smoke again.

He’s been trying to calm himself with that same statement ever since he woke up.

_It was just a nightmare….._


	19. chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i forgot to wish doyoung a happy birthday, i'm so dumb 😔🤚
> 
> song of the chapter: faith by the weekend slowed

“I don’t want to go back to the sorority house anymore.” Jaehyuk said and shook his head as he took a sip out of his apple juice. Jeongwoo leaned back and looked up.

“I thought you said you didn’t want to fail physics.” Jeongwoo snorted.  Jaehyuk rolled his eyes and looked forward at the fundraiser festival the swimming team  were supposed to do .

“I’d rather fail physics.” He sighed and glared at the random students passing them by in the courtyard for no clear reason.

“Besides, a lot of guys would love to be in your place.” Jeongwo said.

“Why?”

“Of course they’d like going into a house full of girls. It’s a pervert’s dream.” Jeongwoo said. He did have a point.

“But I’m not a pervert.” Jaehyuk said.

“That’s the thing. You’re not a pervert.” Jeongwoo sighed.

“I gotta hand in an assignment for calculus real quick. I’ll be back but don’t wait.” He said and got up, leaving immediately. Jaehyuk’s eyes trailed him as he left until he disappeared into the crowd. He didn’t even give him time to process what he actually said. Jaehyuk sat back down and took another sip out of his apple juice. Even though he was alone now, he would never  participate in the lame festival the swim club made.

“Hey.” Somebody muttered in a monotone voice from behind him. He turned his back to see Asahi standing up beside him, staring him down.

“Um..hey.” Jaehyuk said.

“So…your friend  just ditched you.” Asahi muttered and sat down next to him.

“He didn’t ditch me. He had to give our shitty calculus teacher his homework.” Jaehyuk said and looked down at his shoes.

“Um…cool.” Asahi said, not  really knowing what to say to that. He looked up at Asahi’s face squinting to block the sun.

“You have puffy eye bags.” He said.

“You think I don’t know that, smartass.” Asahi said and turned his head to him.

“You didn’t sleep well, right?” Jaehyuk muttered, still looking down at his shoes. Asahi sighed and leaned back on the tree trunk. Everyone was  constantly reminding him of that dream. 

“Nope. I couldn’t sleep.” He sighed and looked up at the blue sky.

“Why?”

“Nightmare.” He muttered.

“Damn….how scary was it to keep you awake all night?” Jaehyuk asked and turned his head to him with his brows furrowed. Asahi looked back at him in disbelief and the clearest expression of offence on his face.

“Are you dumb?” He asked him with his lip curled up in disgust.

“What?” Jaehyuk asked  dramatically .

“You’re shameless.” Asahi scoffed and shook his head, looking back forward.

“Look, I’m sorry.” Jaehyuk said, not  really meaning anything of the mock sincerity. 

“It’s alright let’s go.” Asahi said and stood up, dragging Jaehyuk with him by his wrist.

“Where are you going?” He asked, almost tripping on his steps but catching his balance again. Asahi looked down at his hand holding his wrist and his eyes widened. He let go of his hand  abruptly and sighed.

“we’re going to the swim club’s festival.” He said  briefly .

“No, I don’t wanna go.” Jaehyuk whined and dropped his shoulders. Asahi looked back at him with a glare.

“Let’s go. It’ll be fun.” He tried to say  politely , but his glare took his politeness away. Jaehyuk rolled his eyes and followed after him.

“That cotton candy machine looks good. Do you want any.” Asahi pointed at a stand, filled with people waiting in a line. He was kind of surprised by how fast Asahi decided. Jaehyuk looked forward at the stand with an unsure look as he bit on his lip.

“I don’t know man, I don’t have much money on me right now.” He said and tiled his head to the side, still contemplating in his head.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get it for you.” Asahi muttered and rolled his eyes, walking to the stand. He stopped when he noticed that Jaehyuk wasn’t walking with him. He turned his head, glaring at him with a dead expression.

“What now?” He asked and flapped his arms once in mock defeat.

“You shouldn’t buy it for me.” He said, still staring at the stand like it was going to attack him at any given moment.

“I don’t care _what_ you say. I'm buying it for you.” Asahi said In a threatening tone as he pointed him, even though he meant to be polite. Jaehyuk gave up and walked after him. They approached the stand and stood in the line.

“The line is pretty long.” Jaehyuk said.

“Jaehyuk, quit complaining.” Asahi rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. They got to the front of a line after a couple of minutes and Asahi  quickly picked up their cotton candy and left.

“thanks.” Jaehyuk said and took a bite out of his cotton candy.

“You’re welcome.” He said and sat at a bench. 

“So…are you okay?” Jaehyuk asked once he sat down.

“What do you mean?”

“You know…..you cried yesterday.”

“I don’t need your pity.” Asahi shook his head and took a bit out of the cotton candy.

“I don’t pity you.”

“right.” Asahi said  sarcastically .

“Hell knows I cry a bunch too.” Jaehyuk chuckled.

“Why?” He turned his head to him, looking at him in curiosity.

“Dumb shit…and….and calculus.” He said, shaking his head.

“I’d love to see that…..Yoon Jaehyuk crying over his calculus homework.” Asahi chuckled, looking up at the sky like he was hoping to see that or something.

“Hey!” Jaehyuk laughed.

“What, it would be  really funny.”

“No, calculus sucks!”

“I wouldn’t know.” Asahi scoffed.

“You’re In literature, you don’t take calculus right?” Jaehyuk asked.

“Of course we don’t dumbass.” Asahi turned his head to him and smiled at him in disbelief. 

“I should go to literature then.” Jaehyuk scoffed.

“Then you’ll have to take journalism.”

“I’d do journalism anytime if that meant not having to deal with calculus.”

“I took AP calculus in high school. It  really sucks.” Asahi said.

“Damn, you were smart then?” Jaehyuk turned his head to him.

“Not  really , I  just learned to take a lot of notes.” He said, regretting his decision of bringing that up.

“I can tell, you bring your notebook everywhere.”

“That’s the problem. I take that shit everywhere.” Asahi said as his smile fell.

“Why?”

_“I can’t control it.”_


	20. chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i missed treasure's live afdhjdsjfhjsdhfdsf 😭
> 
> song of the chapter - dead to me by kali uchis slowed

“So you’re hanging out with Jaehyuk now?” Bora asked as she laid down on her bed and opened up another pack of gummy bears. It was a Thursday in the afternoon, the very obvious sun shining through Bora’s open windows. Asahi didn’t know how to answer that question.  He didn’t know whether they  were considered to be friends or  just people that hated each other but hung out sometimes .

“I guess…” Asahi muttered and wrote something down on his textbook. Everything confused him and everyone demanded an explanation for some reason.

“Why?” She said, turning around in her bed popping a gummy bear into her mouth.

“It’s complicated.” Asahi shook his head after contemplating whether to tell her or not.

“Ooh. I love complicated.” She cooed and looked at him with a mischievous smirk. Asahi looked up at her with a blank face and shook his head, looking back down at his homework. she gave up and dropped herself back on her bed with a sigh.

“I thought you couldn’t stand him?”

“I still can’t stand him.” He muttered.

“Then why do you hang out with him?” She asked.  Asahi sighed and dropped his shoulders, putting the pen on the textbook before looking up at her with a bored look .

“We’re not friends. we  just hang out.” He said and looked back down at his open textbook, taking the pen. 

“How are you not friends but still hang out?” She asked and stared at the ceiling in a questioning look, eating another gummy bear.

“look.” He said when he dropped his pen on her bed and looked up at her in an irritated face.

“He irritates me and I  probably irritate him. It’s even.”

“well. You better get along because he’s coming in a few minutes to finish our project.” She said and got up from her bed to grab her textbooks off of her shelf.

“Are you gonna leave?” She asked and turned her head to him with her books in her hands. The thing is, he didn’t know. Whether he should leave or stay.

“I’ll stay.” He said after a long silence.

“Alright, don’t fight or anything. I’m starting to get serious about this presentation.” She snorted.  He chuckled,  just thinking that Bora was starting to get serious about something she wanted to get over in the beginning . After a while, a knock at the door caught their attention.

Bora walked to the door and opened it. Jaehyuk smiled at her  awkwardly and walked in with a bag slung over his shoulder. Asahi stared him down in a blank stare and looked away when Jaehyuk noticed.

“Hey.” He muttered and walked in the room, getting his bag on the floor.

Bora and Jaehyuk studied while Asahi sat there doing his own things, stealing glances at them from time to time . A couple of hours passed by since Jaehyuk came. The sun was starting to set. 

“ I think I’m gonna get going now.” Jaehyuk said and grabbed his books, stuffing them into his bag.

Asahi saw an opportunity and put his books in his bag too.

“Yeah me too.” He said. Bora and Jaehyuk stopped to look at him  quickly pack his things. When Asahi zipped up his bag, he looked up to find them staring at him.

“What?” He asked. They went back to whatever they were doing and he walked up to Jaehyuk.

“Come on, let’s go.” He said and grabbed his wrist, walking through the door. 

Asahi let go of his wrist as soon as he realised. 

They walked through the empty halls of the sorority house, not saying a word to each other. Asahi glanced at him. He was wearing a grey hoodie and sweatpants.

“You look good in grey.” Asahi muttered.

“thanks.” He said with a hesitant chuckle.

When they left the building, they  were met with a cool night breeze. Asahi took a deep breath and looked up at the sky as he was walking with his hands in his pockets. 

The campus was starting to get empty, which made it much more relaxing to walk through. 

“I don’t have your phone number.” Asahi said as they were getting closer to Jaehyuk’s dorm building. He was hesitant about giving him his phone number.

"should i give it to him?" He thought to himself.

Jaehyuk stopped and pulled out a note from his bag and a pencil. Asahi stopped with him and looked at him as he took out the note.

“Turn around.” He said, Asahi did what he asked in confusion. He put the note on his back and clicked the pen open.

He felt the numbers Jaehyuk was writing on his back and he was able to guess a few of them. It felt more awkward the longer Asahi was stuck in that position.

“What’s taking him so long?” He thought and rolled his eyes.

When he took the note off of his back Asahi turned around and Jaehyuk handed it to him.

“I gotta go now.” He said and jogged towards the glass doors of his dorm building. He turned around to Asahi and waved goodbye. Asahi gave him a small wave and turned around to the direction of where his dorm building was.  He looked down at the small note in his hands and saw a series of numbers written on the top and the words “Jaehyuk” with a smiley face beside it . He chuckled  lightly and stuffed it in his pocket.

The welcoming darkness of his room was the first thing he  was met with when he open the door to his dorm. He dropped his bag on the wrong and took off his shoes. 

He rolled around in his bed, trying to get a bit of sleep but it did no good.  he felt the ceiling collapse on his and all the heat  was compressed onto him even though he wore a short sleeved shirt and shorts .  Eventually he sat up in his bed with his head hanging low, making his hair hover over his face. The signature darkness of his room wasn’t as comfortable as it used to be. The open window gave the room a slight blue glow weighing down his mood. 

An alarm clock was set up on the nightstand beside him. The numbers glowed green as they changed, he was looking at the clock for a long time. It was 3:14am. A time he should be asleep. everything was challenging him these days. He hasn’t been getting any sleep lately. 

His eyes turned to his phone and Jaehyuk’s note on his nightstand. He grabbed both the note and his phone and copied off the number. When he saw the numbers written on his phone, he got hesitant. He bit his lips and looked to the side.

“Should I call him?” He muttered to himself. 

He sucked in a breath and  quickly pressed the call button, bringing his phone up to his ears. The ringing didn’t go for long, Jaehyuk picked up pretty  quickly which surprised him.

“Hello?” Jaehyuk answered in a sleepy voice.

“Um..hey. it’s me.” Asahi muttered. Jaehyuk recognised his voice.

“Hey.” He replied with a small smile.

“Did I wake you up?” Asahi asked.

“No. I was awake.”

_“I just wanted to know it was you.”_


	21. chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song recommendation - until i bleed out by the weekend slowed

“Oh?” Jaehyuk asked, cuddled in his bed with his eyes  barely  open.

“Yeah,  just  wanted to know it was actually you.” Asahi said, sitting up in his bed surrounded by the blue lit darkness.

“You thought I gave you the wrong number?” Jaehyuk asked with a small smile and his brow raised.

“I don’t know.” He answered  simply .

“I wouldn’t give you the wrong number.”

“How would I be so sure of that?” Asahi said with a chuckle, a sense of humour in his voice.

“Who’s number would I give you anyway? My mom's?” Jaehyuk chuckled.

“Is your mom nice?” Asahi asked  lightly  after a long silence. He looked down, waiting for Jaehyuk to answer the question, he sounded speechless. Asahi didn’t want to ask him that, it  just  came out. He wanted to hear how other people described their mothers.  Maybe  to make him feel better. But he asked anyways, he couldn’t take that back now.

“um..yeah. she’s nice.” He answered.

“Alright.” He said, coming out more of a whisper.

“Why? Is your mom not nice?”

“no. She’s the nicest mom in the world. Sometimes…… it becomes….. kind of a burden..” Asahi said looking out to the window that emitted the blueish glow into his dark dorm. The last sentence he said made his volume drop, until he  just  whispered out the last word. _burden._ He felt horrible using that word to describe someone.

“Why?” Jaehyuk asked through the phone in a tired voice, though it sounded like he was  truly  curious. Asahi had a lot on his chest, since it was midnight and  all of  these thoughts kept him awake.

“I don’t know. I guess I don’t think I’m that worthy of her love and kindness.” He said looking up at the ceiling, the lump growing in his throat threatened to grow bigger.

“Why?” Jaehyuk asked again. It was the only thing he asked. Three time in a row. But that was the only thing Asahi made him ask. Anyone would be curious. Asahi took a deep breath and let it all go.

“You know when you do something terrible. And you’re so ready for that person to be mad at you. And you prepare yourself for their reaction….’cause you expect them to be angry. But then…..they’re  just  not. They’re not angry. They treat you with the most love and respect. And they still like you, they don’t have one bit of hatred for you in their heart. At all. But then you get  really  mad, and _frustrated._ Because at this point, you think you deserved to  be hated . You know?” Asahi said, saying that like it was no problem. It bothered him to say that but at the same time, he was starting to get rid of the weight on his chest. The weight that kept him up all night.

“wow. I’ve never  really  thought of that. I guess sometimes it happens to me too.” Jaehyuk shrugged with his brows raised. That sounded so poetic. Like philosophy. It was something to keep someone up at night.

“Is that what happened with your mom?” He asked.

Asahi had to hold his tongue. He didn’t know why he was telling this to Jaehyuk of all people. He didn’t think he could  just  put his guard down and not expect consequences. Of course he wanted that all out of his chest, but he  just  couldn’t.

“No um…it’s about something else.” Asahi dismissed shaking his head, trying to tell himself to snap out of it.

“Why did you say you didn’t think you deserved your mom’s love?” He asked again. Asahi shut his eyes closed and sucked in a breath.

“That was  just  ….It was nothing. I was  just  messing with you.” He said when he let go of his breath.

“Alright. No problem.” Jaehyuk chuckled.

“Um..I have to go. I-i won’t keep you long.” Asahi said.

“No it’s fine.”

“Go to sleep.” He whispered before closing his phone shut. He took in a deep breath and took the blanket off his bare legs. He walked to his desk, grabbing the small metallic camera off of his top shelf.

The thought of saying  all of  that to Jaehyuk scared him, he couldn’t believe that he was about to tell him. Not even the friends closest to him know about this. What would Jaehyuk do with that information? Asahi couldn’t find it in him to trust him. Or anyone.

“So. I’m  really  stupid.” He told his camera  quietly  when he set it up on his desk.  
  


“I almost told him everything.”

“It’s  really  dumb.”

“I  just  felt like saying this to someone. Especially now when it’s bothering me the most.”

“But I can’t trust him. I don’t know why  I feel  like trusting him. I know I shouldn’t.” he said and shook his head.

“I’m supposed to be careful around him. Don’t get me wrong. He’s harmless. It’s  just  that I can’t trust him. And he  probably  doesn’t trust me, it’s even.”

“ I feel  like I should go to a doctor. I haven’t been sleeping much these days.”

“I don’t know  honestly .”

“ Maybe  I can get some sleeping pills and knock myself out whenever my shitty thoughts try to keep me up.”

“But I can get addicted. I can  just  put a crystal under my pillow and sleep  just  fine.”

“I’ve been trying that for days. But it won’t work anymore. I should get new ones.”

“ I feel  like Jaehyuk  just  adds onto the stress.”

“But at the same time he doesn’t.”

“He makes me forget about everything.”

“And that makes me stressed.”

“It’s so….. _weird.”_

“I still can’t stand him though. But why does he make me forget.”

“He  just  has this youthful aura to him.  maybe  that’s why.

“But why?”

“Why does talking to him make me feel better?”

“Why did  I feel  better when I talked to him on the phone earlier?”

“This is  just  ridiculous..”

“It’s like he brings sunshine and happiness with him everywhere he goes. He’s irritating and frustrating but….I don’t know.”

“Yoon Jaehyuk pisses me off.” He said  honestly .

“And I don’t think I’ll be friends with him…ever.”

“But why does he make wanna talk to him whenever  I feel  like shit?”

“Why?”


	22. chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya girl updating early as always 😸💅
> 
> song of the chapter: hopeless by always never

“Do you still have that guitar?” Asahi asked Yoshi who was sitting on his bed typing on his laptop. A focused look painted his face as he clicked on the keyboard  constantly . Asahi was starting to miss his bed, he huffed out a breath and walked to his chair to sit there instead.

“No I sold it.” Yoshi said, still paying his full attention to his laptop. 

“Why?” Asahi asked in shock. Yoshi side eyed him and sighed, closing the laptop and flopping it on the bed.

“Why not?” He chuckled.

“I liked that guitar.” Asahi argued and furrowed his brows at him in disbelief.  Barely sleeping and  being met with shitty news the next day wasn’t something he  really looked forward to. Yoshi clasped his hands together and looked at him  blankly but Asahi kept his expression. Yoshi ended up looking down and breaking into a chuckle since Asahi wasn’t getting any happier.

“Well tough shit.” He said and laid back on the bed, looking at the ceiling. “Things happen.”

“Yeah well no shit. Why did you sell it?” Asahi asked and leaned back in his chair.

“I’m a college student. money can be a little funny sometimes.” Yoshi said. Asahi dropped his shoulder and rolled his eyes. “Besides. You look tired as shit, what did you stay up doing?”

“nothing. I stayed up doing nothing.” Asahi sighed and looked at the ceiling. He sucked in a short breath when he remembered the phone call he had with Jaehyuk the previous night. He didn’t know why he didn’t tell Yoshi. It felt weird telling him about it.

That call felt intimate.

When that thought entered his mind, his face twisted and he shook his head.

“What’s wrong?” Yoshi asked.

“Nothing.” Asahi said and stood up, walking around the room.

“You know. I was thinking about seeing a doctor.” He said and  mindlessly flicked through his textbook.

“Why?” Yoshi asked.

“I haven’t been sleeping at all these days. Especially last night. I could  barely walk to class.” 

“Do you know why you can’t fall asleep?”

Asahi looked up from his textbook and took a deep breath.

“I don’t know.” He said after a moment of silence.

“Then you should see a doctor. Make an appointment.” He suggested and opened his laptop. Asahi bit his lip and looked back at Yoshi.

“I was thinking you would go with me?” He asked.

“Sure why not.” Yoshi said. He let out a relieved breath and sat back down at his chair.

“Why do you look so relieved.”

“I didn’t know if you’d agree. I don’t  really know who else would go with me.”

“Why do want someone to go with you anyways?”

“It’s like the first appointment I made myself, so I’m nervous.”

“ Seriously ?”

Asahi scoffed and walked to his bed, sitting on the edge of it. He  slowly laid down and stared at the ceiling. He was hoping going to the doctor would actually do him good. The idea of sleeping pills didn’t appeal to him for some reason he didn’t know.

A thought entered his head. Jaehyuk. The last thing he wanted to think about was him right now.

“Should I visit him?” He thought to himself. Though he wasn’t too keen on seeing him, but he thought it would be a good opportunity to go forward with his plan. His brows raised and he stood up, grabbing his bag and his phone.

“Look I need to go. You can come with me if you want, or you can  just stay here. You don’t have to explain where I am to my roommate when he comes back.” He told Yoshi when he was at the door, holding the doorknob.

“Alright.” Yoshi muttered still typing on his laptop. Asahi turned the doorknob and walked out the door. He walked through the empty sun lit hallways of his mediocre dorm building. The carpet was a dull colour, he always though it needed changing.

He walked through campus to Jaehyuk’s dorm building, he’s memorised the way to it already. It was like he was marching rather than walking, he didn’t know why he was walking so fast.

Finally, he made it to to his door. He knocked on the rough wood waiting for someone to reply and open the door.

Hyunsuk turned his head to the door as Jaehyuk walked to it.

“Who is it now?” He thought  sarcastically and opened the door.

Asahi was standing there  awkwardly and Jaehyuk stared at him  blankly , he didn’t  really expect him to be there  at this time . 

“Hey.” Jaehyuk said in a monotone voice.

“Um..hey.” Asahi replied  just as  awkwardly .

Jaehyuk opened the door wider for him and Asahi walked in the room. He froze when he found Hyunsuk in the room looking at him. Jaehyuk noticed the tension and said,

“You know what, we’ll  just go out.”

He held Asahi’s hand and dragged him out of the room with him. Hyunsuk’s eyes trailed them as they left in confusion.  Jaehyuk still held his hand, Asahi looked at their hands and swallowed, swatting his hand away  lightly .

Jaehyuk noticed but he didn’t say anything.

The tension ate at them. Even though Jaehyuk let go of his hand, Asahi still felt his warm hand wrapped around his. their hands brushed together from time to time and Asahi sucked in a breath.

He was always sensitive to touch. Whenever someone touched him he would back away immediately.

He flexed his strained hand and put it in his pocket.

“So what’s up?” Jaehyuk asked since they weren’t speaking at all.

“Not much.” Asahi muttered.

“Okay…”

“Did you end up sleeping last night?” Asahi turned his head to him and asked. It would be pretty comforting to know he wasn’t the only one.

“Nah. I stayed up, couldn’t sleep.” He said. “Why? You noticed?” He scoffed.

“No it’s because….I didn’t sleep either.” Asahi muttered.

“It  really sucks doesn’t it?”

“I’m actually planning on going to a doctor for it.”

“Is it that bad?” Jaehyuk chuckled.

“I haven’t been sleeping at all.”

“damn. Why?”

“I don’t know.” He said, giving him the same answer he gave Yoshi.

There were a lot of reasons Asahi couldn’t sleep.

_But he would never let Jaehyuk know that he was the reason he couldn’t sleep last night._


	23. chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the angst this story will have- 💀
> 
> song of the chapter: looking out for you by joy again

Jaehyuk and Asahi sat in the empty sports field, watching the sun go down. The temperature started to drop the lower the sun went. Both of them had to  practically drag themselves to meet each other.

“The clouds look nice.” Jaehyuk muttered trying to start up some conversation. Asahi turned his head to him, giving him a blank stare. He felt his eyes burning holes through him.

“Yeah…I guess.” Asahi said and turned his head back to the view. It wasn't any better that Asahi finally said something. The silence wasn’t only deafening it was awkward now. Jaehyuk huffed out a breath and  slowly laid down on the grass staring at the sky above.

“So….what did you eat for breakfast?” Jaehyuk asked.  It was pretty obvious to Asahi that Jaehyuk was getting uncomfortable with the silence . He rolled his eyes and sighed.

“I didn’t eat anything for breakfast, I woke up late.” He muttered. Jaehyuk started to lose hope, whenever he tried to start a conversation with him it was always struck by a dead end. Asahi always ended the conversation whether it was on purpose or not.

“Did you get any sleep today?” Jaehyuk asked with his hands resting under his head. Asahi took a deep breath and let it go.

“No.” He answered  simply .

“ Really ? Why?” He asked. it was kind of surprising to him that Asahi always responds with no whenever he asked that question.

“I don’t know. I’m going to a doctor to get that checked out.” Asahi shook his head.

“You should. From what you tell me, you  barely get any sleep.” Jaehyuk scoffed. Asahi turned his head to him with his brows  slightly furrowed as he looked down.

“Do I  really tell you that much?” He asked. It always bothered him how much he told him. He  just couldn’t stop talking. 

“About what?” 

“…..about myself.” He sighed as he bit on his lip.

“nope. I  barely know you.” Jaehyuk chuckled. Asahi let go of a strained breath in relief and looked back forward. Cool breeze swifted through his hair as he looked at the sky with his eyes in a squint.

“good.” He said. Jaehyuk’s brows furrowed in confusion.

“How’s that good?” He asked. It confused him how much Asahi kept to himself and refused to open up to anyone.

“It means I haven’t told you too much about myself. I’m not the type of person to  really open up.” Asahi answered.

“Yeah I’ve noticed.” He snorted  sarcastically .

“That’s not funny.” Asahi chuckled and shook his head. 

“Then why are you laughing?” Jaehyuk laughed.

“fuck off.” He muttered and looked to the side. Jaehyuk  softly chuckled and stared at his back. He noticed he had  really nice hair. It was as dark as black ink, it looked soft. It flowed with the soft breeze. Jaehyuk wanted to touch it but he knew Asahi would cut his hand off if he ever did. So he didn’t.

“You have  really nice hair.” He said instead.

“thanks.” He responded.

“My parents invited me to their friend’s son’s engagement party, and I’m kind of nervous. I don’t  really want to go.” Jaehyuk said.

“When is it?”

“In three days.”

“Then don’t go.” Asahi  simply said.

“Like I have a choice.” Jaehyuk scoffed.

“Did they force you or something?” Asahi turned his head to him and asked.

“No….they didn’t say “jaehyuk be there or you’ll die.” They said it in a less aggressive way. I don’t know. I  just know I have to be there.” He said. Asahi chuckled and shook his head as he looked back at the view in front of him.

“That’s harsh.” He said.

“I don’t even have a suit.” Jaehyuk whined.

“Do you have to wear a suit?” He asked with a chuckle.

“ Obviously , they’ll kill me if I come in anything else.” Jaehyuk said with wide eyes.

“Damn.”

“You’re so lucky your parents don’t force you into shit.” He sighed.

“And who told you _that?”_ Asahi turned his head to him and scoffed  sarcastically with his brows raised.

“You had strict parents?”

“Yeah. They’re not that strict now. But they were  really strict when I was a kid.” He said.

“There’s this girl my parents tried to hook me up with ever since I was a kid, I’m pretty sure she’ll be there.” Jaehyuk groaned.

“Your parents tried to _hook_ you up?” Asahi asked with his brows furrowed in speculation.

“Not like that. They  just tried to make us a couple.” He chuckled.

“That never happened to me.” Asahi said with his brows raised as he looked back forward.

“Consider yourself lucky.” Jaehyuk scoffed.

“Do you like her?” Asahi turned his head to him and asked.

“Pfft no. we hated each other our whole lives. She used to pull my hair everyday in the 2nd grade.” Jaehyuk said with a grimace on his face. A small smile surfaced on Asahi’s face. He never told him about himself but Jaehyuk always told Asahi about him. It was  probably impulsive but Asahi appreciated it anyways. Jaehyuk was annoying and least compatible person with Asahi. But sometimes, his company was delightful.

“Why are you smiling. It’s not funny.” Jaehyuk whined.

“I don’t think it’s funny.” Asahi laughed.

“Ugh If I have to see her there I’m going to get out of that _stupid_ party.” Jaehyuk said.

“Damn. All because of that _one_ girl?” Asahi asked in disbelief.

“A lot of shit is wrong not  just her, and I don’t want go.”

“What time is it?” Asahi asked when he noticed that it was getting dark.

“About 7 o’clock.” He answered.

“Shit my appointment.” He seethed.

Asahi’s eyes widened as he stood up and gathered his things  quickly . Jaehyuk watched him with confusion while he still laid down on the grass. While he was gathering his things, his phone rung and vibrated in his pocket. He stopped and took it out to see the words Yoshi written on the screen. He flipped it open and put the phone to his ear.

“Hello?” He said.

“Yeah um…I can’t go with you to the doctor. Something came up.” 

“Are you shitting me right now?” Asahi said.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know I would be busy.”

“Ugh fine whatever.” Asahi muttered and closed his phone. 

He looked at Jaehyuk and rolled his eyes.

“He _can’t_ be my only option right now.” He thought to himself.

_“Can you go with me to my doctor’s appointment?” He asked anyways._


	24. chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jaesahi warms my rock hard cyborg heart 😔💅
> 
> song recommendation - eung eung by apink.

“Can you go with me to my doctor’s appointment?”

“Me?” Jaehyuk asked pointing at himself in confusion.

“Yes you.” Asahi rolled his eyes and sighed. Even though Jaehyuk was his only option, he had to complain. That doctor’s appointment was stressing him out enough. Having Jaehyuk tag along was a headache.

“Are you going or not?” Asahi asked when he saw that Jaehyuk wasn’t saying anything. He reminded himself to make Yoshi’s life miserable after he came back.

“Why do you want me to go?” Jaehyuk asked, in hopes he got to stay and not go with Asahi anywhere.

“The person that  was supposed to go with me is busy, and I hate going to hospitals alone.” He said, trying not to get too deep into telling him that it was his first doctor’s appointment alone. Jaehyuk held an unsure look on his face as he bit his bottom lip.

“Hurry!” Asahi said  impatiently , if Jaehyuk wasn’t going to decide quick, Asahi would be late.

_“Fine._ I’ll go.” Jaehyuk groaned and got up. Asahi let go of a strained breath in relief that he wouldn’t have to go alone. He didn’t actually know what was worse. Going alone or going with Jaehyuk. He couldn’t decide. Like he had time to decide. 

They walked through the campus to go to one of the college parking lots. Jaehyuk walked like he was moping around. Asahi wanted to complain but he couldn’t. Beggars can’t be choosers. 

“Are we going in your car?” Jaehyuk asked as they walked.

“No we’re walking. Of course we’re going in my car.” Asahi scoffed.

“Is it far away?” Jaehyuk asked again. Asahi was getting fed up but he didn’t say anything. He couldn’t let Jaehyuk go when he needed him.

“No. it’s not too far away.” He sighed.

“So it’s far away?”

“No.” Asahi groaned.

“So are we late?” He asked.

“For fuck’s sake!” Asahi turned his head to him and looked at him in disbelief.

They got to the car and Asahi drove in silence, keeping his eyes focused on the road. He drove through the city, with the city lights lightening up the night. Jaehyuk glanced at him from time to time but Asahi never returned the gesture. 

Asahi always seemed so cold. Or at least that's what Jaehyuk thought. He never spoke unless he  was spoken to and he wasn’t always in a good mood. In fact, Jaehyuk couldn't remember the last time Asahi was in a good mood.

It confused him. Sometimes he was alright then sometimes he was angry. It was so weird. 

Jaehyuk glanced at him once more. Nothing changed. Asahi still held that same blank expression that he always had. He looked tense but careless at the same time.  Maybe that was why he wanted him to got to that doctor’s appointment with him.

“Are we close?” Jaehyuk asked.

“Yup.” Asahi said

Asahi looked out of it, he didn't look alright. Jaehyuk noticed that he was getting more tense in his spot when he told him they were getting close. They took a turn and he winced.

“Hey, calm down.” Jaehyuk said  soothingly as he put his hand over Asahi’s. He looked at him with a reassuring look. Asahi  quickly side-eyed him then looked back at the road, licking his lip. He looked almost nervous.

He felt his warm hand over his and his hand tensed up immediately and he sucked in a breath. Jaehyuk noticed and  slowly removed his hand. Asahi finally let go of his breath. he still felt his hand over his. The warmth. The softness. His hand was bigger.

“What was that all about?” Jaehyuk thought to himself as he rested his head on the car window. Asahi always did that. He wasn’t mad or anything.  Just …..curious.

“We’re here.” Asahi muttered and unbuckled his seatbelt, opening the car door. They parked in front of a small looking hospital clinic. Jaehyuk followed after him and walked through the electric doors.

They sat in the waiting room of the  brightly lit clinic, waiting for Asahi’s name to  be called . A couple of patients  were called before them. Asahi was bumping his leg up and down, Jaehyuk could tell he was getting nervous. He slouched in his chair and he folded his arms.

At least the place wasn’t crowded. It would’ve been way worse for him. Jaehyuk glanced at him and he looked like he was glaring at one spot in front of him. 

“Hey don’t you think it’s taking too long?” Asahi turned to Jaehyuk and asked.

“We’ve only been here for 7 minutes.” Jaehyuk answered him, trying to be less nerve wracking.

“Hamada Asahi?” A nurse with a clipboard walked into the waiting room and called. Asahi’s eyes immediately flew up to the sound of his name. He stood up, straightening his shirt. He looked back at Jaehyuk and said,

“I’ll be back soon, wait for me here.”

Jaehyuk nodded and Asahi walked away.

He sat in a small room in front of a doctor sitting down asking him questions, he was about 5 minutes into his check up.

“So you’re saying you can’t sleep?” She asked.

“yes.” He answered.

“Do you know why?”

He took a deep breath and looked down. He hoped she wouldn’t ask him that question.

“You don’t have to be specific, I  just need a general idea of why. Although I would appreciate it if you were specific.” She cleared up when she noticed that he was getting nervous.

“No, it’s fine.” He muttered.

“I didn’t  really have the best….childhood.” he began. She crossed her legs and got more comfortable in her chair, ready to listen.

“So whenever I try to sleep….the memories always come back and….I guess haunt me in a way.”

“Even when I go to sleep, I usually dream about….traumatic moments.”

“It’s horrifying. I thought I was over it. Turns out….I’m not.”

“And I’m a college student. I’m _sick_ of coming to class in the morning with  barely any sleep.”

“All the emotions I felt during my childhood come back. I-it drives me _insane.”_

“It takes me back. makes me feel like a kid again. It’s like…..I’m sitting in my bed at three in the morning. Even though I’m 19… I feel like I’m 8 years old. It’s not a good experience.” He choked out, feeling the lump in his throat.

“alright.” She said when Asahi finished. “I’m going to prescribe some sleeping pills for you.” 

She took out a paper and scribbled out the prescription onto the paper.

“And…I recommend a therapist.” She looked up at him and said.

“nope…it’s fine.” He said, forcing a smile.

He left the room and found Jaehyuk waiting for him.

“Come on, let’s go.” He said and walked out the electric door with him.

“So…how did it go?” Jaehyuk asked while Asahi drove.

“splendid.” He replied  sarcastically .

“So I’m guessing it didn’t go well.” he muttered.

Asahi didn’t say anything. because he knew if he did, he would break down. So he  just shook his head. He bit his lip so he wouldn’t cry.

Jaehyuk looked down and asked,

“Are you okay?”

Asahi didn’t answer the question, he  just continued to drive without making a sound. It felt like all these emotions he kept bottled up were poisoning him.

After a while he  just couldn’t take it. He let the tears roll down his face. He sobbed letting out  all of the suppressed emotions. 

Jaehyuk looked up at him in surprise. He didn’t know what to do. Asahi still kept on driving no matter how much tears poured out of his eyes. His breath hiccuped between his lips and his nose and cheeks began to get red. Jaehyuk was speechless, he had no idea what to do at times like these.

“Asahi what’s wrong?” He asked when he put a hand on his shoulder. Asahi cried harder when he asked him that. what else would he do at that point. 

Asahi  quickly pulled over in the pharmacy parking lot and hung his head low, still gripping the steering wheal . His body shook with every cry. Jaehyuk rubbed his back to try and calm him down. But it seemed like he wasn’t doing anything.

“Asahi what happened?” He asked.

He didn’t answer.

When he sat back up, trying to collect himself, he  just felt another wave of tears rush to him.

Jaehyuk  slowly pushed his head on his shoulder. Asahi rested his head on Jaehyuk’s shoulder letting all it all out. Jaehyuk rested his head on his and rubbed his arm to try and calm him down.

“It’s okay.” He whispered, rubbing his arm.

“It’s okay.” He whispered once more.

Asahi’s sobs calmed down.

What if for once,

_It was actually okay?_


	25. chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall need to listen to this song it's so perfect 😭
> 
> song of the chapter: softcore by the neighbourhood.

“It’s okay.” Jaehyuk whispered to him.

Asahi laid in his embrace until his sobs quieted down into short breaths. His breath hitched in his throat from time to time. Jaehyuk still had his arm around him. The comfort was exactly what Asahi needed. Someone to hold him.

The silence gave them a bitter sweet sort of comfort. For Jaehyuk, it gave him confusion. For Asahi, it gave him grief. But they had one thing in common in that moment, comfort.

Without warning, Asahi detached from his embrace and opened the car door. Jaehyuk’s eyes trailed him as he left in slight surprise.  He opened the car door and walked after Asahi who was walking through the electric door of the small pharmacy . He didn't bother to wipe his tear streaked face, he didn't care what the pharmacist thought.

Jaehyuk looked around at the  cooly lit pharmacy. It had a man wearing a white coat at the counter, looking as tired and bored as a person could get. Asahi browsed the place before giving the pharmacist his prescription paper. He walked through the aisles, Jaehyuk tried to keep up with him. Asahi kept a blank look on his face, like he did all the time. 

“Are you gonna get anything?” Jaehyuk asked.

“Yup.” He said, staring at whatever there was on the shelf. The guy at the counter was starting to give them weird looks.

He walked up to the counter and gave the pharmacist the paper. He read the paper and went into a room with a glass door in the back to pick up his prescription. Jaehyuk stood beside him and stared at the place  mindlessly . Asahi looked around at the things on the shelves on the counter. 

A small shaped silver box of cigarettes caught his eye. He bit his lip, contemplating in his mind whether it was a good idea to buy it or not. The pharmacist came back with his bottle sleeping pills and put it on the counter. After he came, Asahi grabbed the box and put it on the counter.

The pharmacist looked up at him with an unsure look when he saw the cigarettes there. Asahi looked back at him with a blank look. Jaehyuk stared at the cigarettes with a shocked expression. He didn’t  really take Asahi for the smoking type. He looked at Asahi then at the cigarettes.

“You smoke?” He asked when they got in the car.

“Yeah.” Asahi muttered.

“wow.” Jaehyuk  simply said.

“What?” Asahi asked and turned his head to him when he opened the box and took out a cigarette.

“I  just didn’t think you would be a smoker.” He admitted.

“I don’t smoke that often.  Just from time to time.” Asahi said.

Before he drove off, he put the cigarette between his lips and flicked the lighter a few times until it let out a flame. He lit the cigarette and shook it  slightly so the small fire on the tip of it would  be put out. When he took the first pull of smoke, he began to drive. 

He side-eyed Jaehyuk to see that he was staring at the window  blankly . Asahi looked back at the road and opened the window when he blew the smoke.  Jaehyuk  was taken by surprise when the window opened and the aggressive wind blew through his hair .

Asahi’s hand hung out of the window with the cigarette tapping the dust out. The wind blew his hair back giving him a feeling like he was flying. He noticed that Jaehyuk had his eyes in a wince, not looking like he enjoyed it.

“Do you want me to close the window?” He asked and took another pull.

“Nope. it’s fine.” Jaehyuk answered  briefly and turned his head to him. Asahi looked at him and blew the smoke in his face

“What the fuck?” He groaned. Asahi shook his head and chuckled, looking back at the road. He turned on the radio and bopped his head to whatever song came on.

“I love that song.” Jaehyuk said. Asahi side eyed him with his brow raised.

“You know it?” He asked.

“Yeah.”

A smile appeared on Asahi’s face as he took another pull from the cigarette. Jaehyuk sang along to the song from time to time making him laugh. 

“The boy is mine!” He sang along with the woman on the radio.

“Shut up!” Asahi chuckled.

“I’m sorry that you! Seem to  be confused !” He sang even though Asahi told him to shut up. 

“Jaehyuk!” 

“He belongs to me. The boy is mine!” He sang. 

When Jaehyuk kept on singing as loud as he could without stopping, Asahi closed the radio.

“Hey!” He said when the song  was cut off.

“We’re getting close to the college.” He answered him. Jaehyuk’s expression fell and he slouched in his chair.

“You don’t want to go back ?” Asahi asked and blew the smoke.

“No it’s  just that the lady at the reception won’t let me in.” He sighed.

“ Just tell her that you had a doctor’s appointment.” He said and took a turn, making the college buildings come closer to view.

“You think she’ll buy that?” Jaehyuk asked.

“It’s not a lie though.” Asahi said  as-a-matter-of-factly

“I don’t want to book a hotel room.” He groaned.

“You won’t.” Asahi sighed.

“You’re going to have to come with me and tell her. She won’t believe me.” Jaehyuk said and put a hand on his shoulder. Asahi side eyed him and strained up from his calm position. Jaehyuk noticed and  slowly removed his hand and Asahi gulped, trying to go back to normal.

“Um..no. I’ll be asleep.” He said and parked the car in the parking lot.

“It’s so _dark.”_ Jaehyuk muttered as he got out of the car and looked around at the college.

“Yeah it’s like 10:30pm.” Asahi scoffed.

“Damn, that’s pretty late.” Jaehyuk said.

“Yep.”

“I’ll get going then.” He said and walked off. Asahi’s eyes trailed him as he left. Seeing him go felt weird. Weirder than usual. Usually when he left, Asahi got to breath for a second. But this time, it was different.

“Wait!” He called out. Jaehyuk stopped in his tracks and turned around to him with his brows raised. 

“Um..thanks for today.” He said.

“No problem, I was kinda _forced_ to go with you.” He chuckled and turned back around to continue walking.

“No not that.” Asahi said, he turned around to him again. 

“Well yeah thanks for that. But I uh…wanted to thank you for um….comforting me.” He thanked. It was hard for him to express gratitude, especially to Jaehyuk. It felt odd and foreign on his tongue.

“You're welcome. It’s kinda what I do.” Jaehyuk said and walked off. This time, Asahi didn’t stop him. He  just watched him as he left.

Jaehyuk was right.

Comforting people was something he was  really good at.

_Or at least that’s what Asahi thought._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if yall don't know the song that Jaehyuk was singing then you obviously don't know miss brandy which is kinda embarrassing 🙄  
> (im joking don't skin me 😸)


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i made this chapter a lil longer than usual cuz i was late 
> 
> song recommendation - prisoner by miley cyrus ft. dua lipa
> 
> i'm calling the police if u don't listen to this song 👮♀️🏃♀️👺

“Hey mom.” Jaehyuk muttered into the phone.

“Hey honey! Are you excited for the engagement party tonight?” She asked in a  weirdly ecstatic tone.

No he was not.

“Um yeah.” Jaehyuk said, lying through his teeth. The party has been on his mind with a “warning” sign on it. He dreaded the day he had to actually go. All the horrible possibilities circled his mind that day. It was exhausting.

“Do you want me to send you a driver?” She asked with an unsure tone in her voice. She new he didn’t have a car and that would be humiliating on her part. Even if he refused she would send a driver anyways. He took a deep breath and rolled his eyes, putting on a fake exaggerated smile on his face afterwards.

“Nope, thanks mom. I’ll  just take the bus.” He said trying to mock gratitude in his voice.

“You’re gonna take the _bus_ …..to a house in that area?” She asked in confusion. Jaehyuk braced himself for the argument that she was going to make.

“Yeah I’ll take the bus. Then I guess i’ll uh….walk or….climb?” He said getting a little unsure at the end. Now that he thought about it, it made no sense.

“None of that. I’ll send a driver.” She said in a determined voice. Jaehyuk sighed and dropped his shoulders.

“Mom I don’t want you to send a driver. I don’t even want to go.” He groaned.

“you’ll go. And that’s _final.”_

At this point, it was no use fighting with her. If she said he’ll go, then he has to go. It was like some unspoken rule.

“Alright I’ll go,  just don’t send a driver.” He whined.

“I will. You’re not taking the bus to a formal occasion.” She scolded. “I need to go.”

He shut his phone and laid on his bed staring at the ceiling with the havoc he would wreck  just by going on his mind. 

“I don’t even have a suit.” He muttered to himself. If he went there in anything else but a suit he would  be teared to shreds.  Just the thought gave him shivers. 

“Fuck.”

He got up and looked through his closet trying to  desperately find something formal. The whole closet was  just filled with everything his mom would burn. Or his whole family for that matter. He had no idea who was getting engaged but he knew that a lot of people that he knows and hates will be there. 

“Ugh.” He found nothing.

“What the fuck am I gonna do?” 

“What’s wrong?” Hyunsuk asked when he entered the room.  He wore his soccer clothes holding his shoes in his hand with his headband wrapped around his forehead .

“nothing.” He sighed and shook his head. “Do you have a suit?”

“Yeah. But it’s kinda big on me.” Hyunsuk shrugged.

“That’s good, I’m taller than you. Is it black.”

“um..yeah.” He answered.

“Can I borrow it please?”

“Why?”

“There’s this thing I need to go to and I need a suit.” 

“Alright  just don’t rip it or anything. My mom’s heart will shatter.” He muttered and put his shoes on the ground.

“Thank you so much you’re  literally the best.”

Hyunsuk handed him the suit and Jaehyuk went into the bathroom and changed immediately .

He looked at himself in the mirror and grimaced as he straightened down the blazer. He rolled his eyes and left the bathroom. 

A bottle of cologne was lying on his desk. He saw it and took it, spritzing some around his body. It felt like he was trying to catfish. The driver his mom sent him should be here anytime soon. About 20 minutes or so.

“…..what’s the occasion?” Hyunsuk asked.

“Engagement party.” He answered  briefly .

“Who’s the lucky guy?” He asked with a smirk. “O-or gal.”

“Um…I don’t  really know. I  just have to be there.” He said  hesitantly . The party stressed him out enough. And having Hyunsuk interrogate him about it was overwhelming. 

After a couple of minutes Jaehyuk went outside to find the car. It was getting dark. And he looked like an idiot walking around the campus in a suit. He tried to ignore the weird looks and waited beside the car park trying to find the driver’s car.

An overwhelming feeling dawned on him the longer he couldn’t find the car. His face twisted into a nervous grimace. He walked faster through the parking lot until he found a guy waving at him with his head peered out of a black car. 

He let go of his strained breath and walked into the car closing the door after him. The guy didn’t even bother to say hi or anything so Jaehyuk didn’t say anything throughout the whole ride. His stomach churned into knots and he felt a nervous sweat shower him. 

When they left the city and started driving through some hills, his heart started to pound against his chest . 

“Oh fuck this.” He muttered to himself when he saw some festive lights come into view.

“Are we close?” He asked the driver.

“yes.” He answered  briefly .

He dropped himself back and slouched in his seat.  Just the view made him want to vomit. The driver parked in front of the house.  There were some people outside holding glasses of expensive champagne wearing rings and watches that would cost enough to drain his bank account . He took a deep breath and opened the door when the car stopped with the engine stopping.

Everyone’s eyes felt like they were on him even though they weren’t. All he wanted to do now was to find his family and follow them for the rest of the party. 

The house was  really big. Calling it a mansion would be more fitting.  There were huge windows on either sides of the front of the house with smaller windows decorating the top floors . He could see the people attending the party through the windows.  He straightened his blazer and gulped down in nervousness and walked through the door . 

People were talking to each other in groups. Jaehyuk  on the other hand , was all on his own. And he  was devastated about it. He wanted to hide behind someone. But there was no one. He felt his breathing shrink into shallow breaths.  His heart was  painfully pounding against his chest the longer he looked around to try to find his family but finding no one .

“Jaehyuk! How are you?!” His mom greeted  loudly so he could hear her over the music. He looked at her with a grateful smile.

“Hey mom.”

“This is my son Jaehyuk.” She introduced him to a woman standing next to her holding a glass. He  quickly bowed at her and gave her a smile.

“Where’s Junkyu?” The woman instead asked. That came as a surprise to Jaehyuk. he didn’t  really expect her to disregard him and talk about his brother. The more he thought about it, it made more sense. Junkyu was perfection at it’s finest. Everyone either wanted to be him or wanted to have him. And Jaehyuk didn’t think he was anywhere near as perfect.

“Oh he’s in America.” His mother boasted in pride.

“Hey guys.” A woman said into a microphone in the middle of the ballroom. Everyone turned her attention to her to watch her speak. She had a genuine, overjoyed smile on her face as she looked at the audience in front of her.

“We  are gathered here today for a special celebration.” She said.

“To celebrate my son’s engagement.” She pointed at a man in the front with an endearing look. “His engagement to his stunning fiancé.” 

The man held his fiancé closer and smiled up at his mother.

“Of course, it will be painful to see him go.” She said with her eyes getting glossy with tears and her voice starting to break.

“Oh please. She’s happy he’s finally outta the house.” He muttered. His mother looked at him with a stern look and he  just rolled his eyes and looked forward.

“But he’s happy so I’m happy. And I hope she makes him happy for the rest of his life.” A single forced tear rolled down her cheek as she wiped it with her hankercheif.

“Now’s not the time to cry. It’s the time to celebrate! Let’s get this party going!” She cheered with her glass raised up. The rest of the people cheered with her and she walked away from the spotlight.

“Alright Jaehyuk I need to go.” His mom said and approached a group of people with her friend. 

Now he  was left with no one to hide behind. He had to face everyone by himself. It was torture. 

He felt so alone. Like he didn’t belong at all. His mouth began to get dry and his breathing became shallow again.

“Jaehyuk!” A guy in a group introduced and approached him. He recognised them. He clenched his Jaw and forced a smile.

“Hey.” He greeted through gritted teeth. 

“Haven’t seen you ever since high school.” One of them mused.

“Yeah um…how are you?” Jaehyuk asked, trying to be as enthusiastic as them.

“Awesome now that we’ve seen _you!”_ Someone said.

_“Fucking liars.”_ He thought to himself through his smile.

“So what are you studying?”  The guy in the middle asked, Jaehyuk knew he meant something underneath  all of that cheesy kindness .

“engineering.” He answered.

“Why not law?” He asked again.

“Oh I uh….I  just didn’t want to.” Jaehyuk said, trying to sound normal.

“If I were you, I would go into law.” One of them chimed in. Jaehyuk wanted to roll his eyes but he didn’t want to create problems.

“Why aren’t you studying in America, like your brother?” He asked. Of course he had to bring up Junkyu.

“I thought staying in Korea would be better.”

“Nice suit. Where’d you buy it from?” He asked. Jaehyuk noticed the sarcastic hint in his voice.

“I actually b-borrowed it.” Jaehyuk said. He hoped he wouldn’t have to say that in a place like this.

“You _borrowed_ it?!” He said in disbelief. Their eyes went wide as they blew up in laughter. Jaehyuk tried to hide the evident hurt in his face and tried to  quietly laugh along with them.

“Let me guess. You took a bus to get here didn’t you?” He laughed. Jaehyuk got more uncomfortable by the second. He chuckled, trying to hide his strained voice.

“Damn Jaehyuk. Are you like broke or something?” He asked trying to make it sound sarcastic. It was very obvious he  just want to make him uncomfortable. A wave of suppressed anger crashed over him as he watched them laugh once more.

“You know you can always come to us of you’re struggling. Isn’t that how your dad became a judge?” He said with a mischievous glint in his eye. Jaehyuk still kept the polite mask on his face though it  slowly broke apart and fell loose.

“I need to go.” He said and walked off. He heard them laugh behind him, making his heart gut to his stomach. 

He walked up to a buffet table in the side of the room and  quickly grabbed the wine as he left the room to try to get away from there as soon as possible . The tears threatening to fall down stung his eyes.

His face twisted in an angry expression as he walked through the huge empty halls. It felt endless, he had no idea where he was going. But that didn’t matter. As long as he was out of there. 

Jaehyuk sat down by himself behind the house near the huge blue lit pool. It shone blue against the dark night and the blank white walls. He sobbed his heart out. Tears  helplessly rolled down his eyes, he knew going was a bad idea.

He  desperately wanted to  just throw a punch at him but he couldn’t. He couldn’t  just speak about things like that for a laugh. 

“Why don’t I belong _anywhere?”_ He muttered to himself as the hot tears streaked his face. He thought he was pathetic enough for crying anyways. 

The hope that no one heard his sobs from the backyard kept him going. All he needed right now was someone. He felt so stupid for even feeling so upset. His shoulders shook with every cry. He opened the wine bottle and took a gulp out of the red expensive wine.

He opened his phone and went through his phone records. The name “Jeongwoo” popped up and he called it, putting the phone up to his ear. Ringing from the other line kept on going and it never stopped.

Jeognwoo didn’t pick up. Jaehyuk huffed a breath and looked at the other numbers he could call. he took another gulp from the bottle.

He clicked on the number named “Mashiho” and put the phone up to his ear, hoping he would pick up. The ringing  just kept on going until it stopped. Mashiho didn’t pickup.

He then looked through the numbers. An unsure look painted his face when he looked at the name “Asahi” written on top of a number. Hesitance took over him . His breathing hitched in his throat as another wave of tears washed over him and his heart grew heavier. 

Asahi laid on his bed  blankly staring at the ceiling with the lights closed and the window open, letting the curtains ruffle with the soft wind . It was impossible. The sleeping pills helped but this time, Asahi gave in to the thoughts that kept him awake.

At that point Jaehyuk clicked on the number and put it to his ear. This time, the ringing went off for a little while before he picked up the phone.

“Hello?” Jaehyuk asked when Asahi picked up the phone, not even trying to hide that he was crying. Asahi’s brows furrowed in confusion, he  was taken by surprise when he heard Jaehyuk’s tone.

“Are you crying?” He asked. Jaehyuk huffed a breath as he sobbed harder. Asahi’s eyes widened as he heard him cry. 

“ maybe .” He answered.

“Why?”

“Th-that doesn’t matter.” Jaehyuk said with his sloppy breathing.

“Where are you?”

“That stupid engagement party.”

Asahi sat up in his bed.

“Do you wanna ditch this party?”

“Fuck yeah.”

“I have beer.”

Jaehyuk looked at the wine bottle.

“I have wine.”

“Then you should leave.”

“Can you pick me up?” Jaehyuk asked.

_“Send me the address.”_


	27. chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yg tries to hide Jaehyuk's daddy side so much it's so annoying 🙄👺🔫
> 
> song recommendation - night crawling by miley cyrus ft. billy idol
> 
> pls listen to that song it's so good.

Jaehyk hung up the phone and looked up at the sky with a smile growing on his face. He wiped his tear streaked face and took another gulp from the wine bottle. Finally. someone. Even if it was Asahi. his cries shrunk into hiccuped breaths, he stared at the blue lit pool and watched the water ripple. Though it was getting cold, he would never go back there.

The cold started to press against his skin. In this time of night, the temperature was bound to drop. It’s been a few minutes since he called Asahi. But he wanted him to come and pick him up in seconds. He rejected the thoughts telling him to go back inside. Since the temperature was a little tolerable, he decided to tolerate it. He pulled his blazer closer to him in hopes of getting any sort of warmth. 

He hoped no one would walk into the backyard. Asahi should be here before anyone could. Now it’s been ten minutes since he called. Jaehyuk stared at the pool shine and glimmer under the moonlight for distraction. But it was far from distracting. It reminded him more of Asahi. He  just wanted to get out as soon as possible.

Right when he huffed a breath in disappointment, his phone vibrated in his pocket.  He  was caught by surprise as he  quickly took it out of his pocket and put it up to his ear, not even bothering to check the name because he assumed it was Asahi right away .

“I’m outside. Come out.” He said and hung up the phone.

Asahi looked at the lavish house filled with people with his brows furrowed in disbelief.

“What the fuck?” He muttered to himself  slowly as he looked at it like  all of that wasn’t necessary. He sat back In the drivers seat and looked forward, tapping his finger on the steering wheal. 

Jaehyuk walked through the halls to get to the ballroom with the wine bottle in his hand. In order for no one to notice he stole the bottle, he had to walk as quick as possible. He was getting more nervous as he neared the ballroom.

He entered the room, walking as fast as he could.  Fortunately , no one stopped to look at him. The sight of of the people he met earlier made him clench his jaw and walk faster. He forced his eyes to shift away from them. He made it to the door and he ran out of it immediately. Asahi watched him as he ran through the window. A chuckle left his mouth when he saw him in a suit. Yoon Jaehyuk in a suit. That was a change.

“hey.” He said  hurriedly when he opened the car door.

“Um..what’s up?” Asahi asked in a monotone voice and started the car engine.

“Come on!” Jaehyuk groaned.

“Damn who’s following you? The cops?” Asahi snorted in a bored voice.

“Ugh.” Jaehyuk sighed and rested his head against the car window as they drove off. He turned his back to look back at the place. It was satisfying to see that it was getting further. He smiled through his panting. His heart beat  painfully against his chest due to the adrenaline and the running. It calmed down the more he got to breath.

“So what’s the deal?” Asahi asked, keeping his eyes on the road.

“Deal with what?” Jaehyuk side-eyed him and asked.

“Why were you crying?”

“It doesn’t matter.” He muttered. Asahi side eyed him and looked back at the road.

“sounded like you were  really upset.” Asahi said.

“It’s fine.”

“Look man, it’s up to you. But getting it off your chest might help.” He turned his head to him and muttered  as-a-matter-of-factly . Jaehyuk stayed quiet, but he couldn’t deny that he had a point. The coldness of the window pressed against the side of his face. He bit on his lip as he thought if it was a good idea or not. Asahi side eyed him when he didn’t hear anything from him.

“You okay?” He asked. Jaehyuk sat up in his seat and slouched in it with his arms crossed in front of him.

“Can you pass me a beer?” He requested instead of answering his question. So Asahi took that as a no.

He reached down, keeping one hand on the steering wheal, and grabbed a bottle.

“Thanks.” He muttered and flipped it open.

“You look so ridiculous in that suit.” Asahi chuckled. Jaehyuk turned his head to him with an annoyed smile.

“Fuck off.” He said and took a sip from the beer.

“Who the fuck sips _beer?”_ Asahi asked in confusion.

“What do you mean?” Jaehyuk asked turning his head to him.

“You drink it  normally , it’s not wine.” He chuckled.

“The way I drink my beer is none of your business.” Jaehyuk said and nudged his arm. He took the wine and took a gulp out of it with his face twisting into a grimace.

“Can I try that?” Asahi asked. Jaehyuk passed him the wine bottle and he took a sip out of it. His face fell into a bitter look as he  briefly turned his head to Jaehyuk.

“Expensive wine is shit. I like cheap wine better.” He said, shaking his head.

“ I think you’re right.” Jaehyuk muttered and took the wine bottle.

“Where do you wanna go?” Asahi asked.

“Anywhere to be honest.” He sighed. once they were out of the hills, they  were met with some city lights which made the car a little less dark. The red glow of the speedometer gave the dark car a little neon light.

“Why are you up this late?” Jaehyuk asked since it was dead quiet.

“Couldn’t sleep.” He answered and took a turn.

“Didn’t you get sleeping pills?”

“Yeah but I didn’t take them tonight.”

“Why not?”

“Mind your own business.” He muttered.  Jaehyuk rested his head against the window and waited for another wave of silence to engulf them again .

“Was the party good?” Asahi asked when he noticed the silence.

“No.” Jaehyuk scoffed, keeping his head against the window.

“Wanna talk about it?” He asked.

“ Just some assholes.” He sighed.

“What’d they do?”

“I  just wanna get drunk.” He whined.

“Must’ve been bad.” Asahi said.

“Ugh everyone  just loves to compare me and my brother. Like I can’t go anywhere with my parents where people don’t mention him. It sucks.” Jaheyuk said.

“So that’s what he  was upset about.” Asahi thought in realisation. Jaehyuk grabbed another bottle of beer and opened it.

“And the people I thought were my friends back in high school were at the party.” He muttered. His heart fell deeper into the pits of his stomach as he thought about them again. Asahi  briefly turned his head to him to see his reaction. He stared  blankly at his shoes as his expression dropped.

“How did that go?” Asahi asked, not trying to get too touchy with the subject.

“Fucking shit.” He grumbled. “I don’t fucking belong _anywhere.”_

“don’t say that.” He said to try and calm him down.

“But it’s true.”

“You wanna hear some good news? I don’t belong either.” Asahi scoffed.

“How’s that good news?”

“Means you’re not alone.”

“Why doesn’t that make me feel any better?” He shook his head.

“Well tough shit.” Asahi said in defeat.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jaehyuk asked with his brows furrowed.

“Everyone’s different. Do you want to blend in with the rest and be as boring and shitty as them?” Asahi asked  rhetorically . Jaehyuk slouched in his seat and stared at the road. He had a point.

“I guess you have a point.” He muttered and took the wine bottle.

“I know I have a point.” He scoffed.

“And um..thanks by the way.” Jaehyuk said.

“No problem.” Asahi sighed. Jaehyuk turned his head to Asahi and gave him a small smile. He  briefly side eyed him and looked back at the road, not responding to the gesture.

“Man it’s hot in here.” Jaehyuk mumbled as he loosened his black tie. 

“Take off the jacket.” Asahi said, keeping his eyes on the road. Jaehyuk pulled off his black blazer and threw it in the back seat, leaving him with his long sleeved white shirt. He huffed out a breath and slouched in his seat.

“Can you turn on the air conditioner?” Jaehyuk asked. Asahi’s hand reached to the air conditioner and turned it on. The car  slowly started to get colder. Asahi was fine with it. But Jaehyuk didn’t seem too satisfied with it. He unbuttoned His collar and loosened his tie more making it hang in front of him. It felt better to  be freed from the confines of the tight collar, it felt like it was choking him to death. 

Asahi looked at him for a brief moment. A pang hit his heart making him look back at the road immediately. That came as a surprise to him. How could he ever look at Yoon Jaehyuk that way? He never expected it from himself. He peeked another glance at him. It gave him the same effect. Unknown butterflies  lightly brushed against his stomach. His eyes widened at the reaction, Jaehyuk turned his head to him with his brows furrowed in confusion. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“Nothing.” Asahi said, clearing his throat and tried to relax his tense position.

“Does he have any idea how hot he looks right now?” He asked himself in his head. Asahi’s eyes widened and an expression of shock flashed over his face. He couldn’t believe he actually thought that. Jaehyuk turned his head to him with confusion written on his face.

“What’s wrong?” He asked again.

“What? Nothing.” Asahi said. One thing Asahi was good at, was looking unbothered no matter what he was thinking. That ability seemed to disappear now.

“What the fuck?” He thought.

_“Did I just call him hot?”_


	28. chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEARS BITCHES FFKHKFGHK
> 
> song recommendation - tied down by jaymes young

Asahi drove in a tense position he tried to force to  be relaxed  .  Jaehyuk glanced at him with confusion from time to time but gave up on finding out the reason pretty  quickly . Asahi never wanted to go back to his dorm so much.

“Why is it so silent?” Jaehyuk said, resting his head on his fist.

“It’s not silent.” Asahi said.

“We’re saying nothing.” Jaehyuk scoffed. Asahi took a deep breath and let it go.

“Then start a conversation if you wanna talk so much.” Asahi sighed.

“alright.” Jaehyuk said. Asahi glanced at him. Nothing changed. He still felt that same dreaded feeling.

“So….did you ever get into a fight?” He asked as a lousy attempt to start a conversation.

“What type of question is that?” Asahi asked with his brows furrowed.

“Do you wanna answer the question or not.” He said, rolling his eyes.

“fine.” Asahi muttered. “I did get into a fight.”

“Really ? Why?” Jaehyuk turned his head to him and asked.

“One of my friends started spreading a rumour about me. The whole school knew about it. Then people started making fun of me and shit.” He said. He hated himself for saying that to him. It was too late to bite his tongue.

“Damn. Then what happened?” Jaehyuk asked, starting to get intrigued with the topic. Asahi side eyed him and rolled his eyes.

“Then I went to the guy that started a rumour and beat him up In the courtyard after school.” He said.

“How was it like?” Jaehyuk said, still keeping his eyes on Asahi which made him more tense.

“He busted my lip and I broke his nose.” Asahi said.

“You broke his nose?!  I think  you won the fight then.” Jaehyuk mused. Asahi turned his head to him and looked at him with a confused look, surprised by his enthusiasm.

“What was the rumour?” He asked. Asahi tensed in his spot and gripped the steering wheal harder.

“That’s not important.” He muttered with his eyes still fixed on the road.

“Are you okay?” Jaehyuk asked him when he noticed his expression.

“What about you?” Asahi asked to ignore his question. “Did you ever get into a fight?”

“Yeah. There was this guy that used to beat my ass everyday after school for an entire month.” He chuckled. Asahi shook his head and laughed with him.

“So one day after school, I came with a baseball bat and beat him up. Almost got into a law suit.”

“Jaehyuk what the fuck?” Asahi laughed.

“Wait you have dimples?” Jaehyuk asked in surprise.

“Yeah….” He answered  awkwardly .

“smile.” Jaehyuk said and leaned forward to him. Asahi tensed up and gave him a strained smile, with his eyes still on the road. Jaehyuk was only inches away from Asahi’s face. It made his heart pound against his chest.

“How come I didn’t notice?” He muttered as he brushed his fingers  lightly  over his dimple. electricity flew through his body from the feeling of his touch. Asahi’s eyes widened as he sucked in a breath.

“Jaehyuk what are you doing?” He asked  quickly  . Jaehyuk’s hand stopped over his face and he looked up from his dimple to him. Asahi  quickly  side eyed him trying to look normal. He removed his hand and sat back in his seat.

“Sorry.” He said. Asahi let out a breath he was holding.

“Don’t worry about it.” He sighed. Not long after, Asahi parked his car in one of the parking lots and turned his key, turning off the engine.

“Thanks for saving me from that shit show.” Jaehyuk said.

“No problem.”

They got off the car and left to their dorms. Asahi changed into a white t-shirt and pyjama shorts. He walked up to his desk and took the his video camera off the top shelf. Setting it up on his desk, he sat down on his chair and leaned forward to turn it on.

“Hey. So he called me today.” He told his camera.

“He called me crying. And I said that he should leave the party and go with me.”

“He was crying because some guys did something.”

“I was lying down on my bed when he called. Didn’t take my sleeping pills.”

“ I feel  like we’re kind of similar in a way.”

“I don’t know it  just  feels like it.”

“He was pretty upset when I saw him. But he was happy to be out of there.”

“So I got some beer and he got some wine. I didn’t drink much ‘cause I was driving but he knocked himself out.” He chuckled.

“I almost told him about that rumour in high school. I’m an idiot.” He shook his head.

“I  really  don’t like how I tell him too much. I usually don’t tell anyone too much about myself. but I don’t know why I tell him about a lot of stuff.”

“I need to learn to shut up  honestly .”

“The doctor told me I should go to therapy.”

“If I would ever go to therapy, I’d go to group therapy.  I think  it’s cool and kinda funny…which is... horrible.”

“But I won’t go. I don’t need therapy. I have you.” He said, talking to his camera like it was a real person. These videos were  just  for himself. He would rewind the tape later and find himself saying that to himself, no one else. But it shouldn’t matter. he took notice about how much he talked to his camera like a person.

“I can’t believe I thought he was hot though.” He muttered.

“That was  just  a one time thing _of course.”_

“I can’t believe I thought that.”

“Thinking that is bad enough imagine if I said that.”

“I don’t like him of course. I don’t think I can.”

“Even if I liked him, which I don’t, he would never like me back.”

“And I’m  perfectly  happy with that.”

“Everything is going according to plan, so I’m happy about that.”

“I’ve never seen him cry. It was kinda surprising.”

“But I would never like him in that way.”

“I could _never_ like him.”

_“It was only one time.”_


	29. chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i updated it a day after. ya girl updating early as usual 👺🙄🤚
> 
> song of the chapter: habits of my heart by jaymes young

A while has passed since the bell rung and PE started. The usual. Asahi had to sweat and suffer in sports. The ticking clocks on the wall made seconds feel like hours. He ran laps around around the track field with the other students.

“You got 5 more minutes, come on!” The sports coach yelled from the distance. Asahi looked up at the blue sky while he was running, putting his eyes in a squint due to the golden rays of the sun. Even though the coach said five minutes, he still felt like collapsing. He was never a runner.

While he was running, he bumped into someone. He stumbled back in his footsteps and looked at the person. The guy looked back at him with an annoyed expression.

“Sorry.” Asahi mumbled.

“Watch where you’re going, faggot.” He grumbled and kept on running. Asahi took a moment to process what he said. A cold chill ran down his spine when he heard that word.

“Move!” The sports teacher yelled to him. He looked back at him and kept on running with the confusion running through his mind.

PE ended and Asahi sat on his own in the locker rooms trying to change back to his uniform.  some walked out of the showers with towels wrapped around their neck from the showers they were taking . And some were playing around with their friends. It was loud nonetheless. A room filled with half naked guys changing. Asahi  just wanted to be out of there.

He slipped on his white long sleeved shirt and started buttoning it up. his jacket, tie and vest were beside him on the bench.  Just like he wanted, he should be out of there soon.

His eyes roamed around the room as he wore his jacket and straightened it on him. He noticed a group of shirtless guys standing in the corner of the room looking at him in disgust. They talked about him with each other, he couldn’t hear what they were saying. But he knew since they were pointing at him.

“He’s looking at you.” He heard one of them murmur to the other. The guy shuddered in mock disgust and the other guys laughed. Asahi rolled his eyes and looked down at his vest as he straightened it.

Once he  fully changed into his uniform, he left the room. Their eyes burned holes on his back, he knew it. He walked through the school halls trying to get to class. The feeling of eyes on him and the sound of murmurs made him quicken his pace.

He got to class and he sat on his chair beside the window with his head resting on the table. Rest was the only thing he needed. Not anyone to bother him. The class started to get to filled up with time, he couldn’t see them but he heard their voices. The teacher wasn’t here yet.

“Hey. Asahi.” a guy pulled his chair to Asahi’s desk and said. Asahi peeked his eyes at him to see who it was. It was  just his friend so he looked back down.

“What?” He muttered back to him.

“Is it true?” he asked.

“Is what true?” Asahi said in a monotone voice.

“What everyone’s saying.” He answered.

“What’s everyone saying?”

“Are you gay?”

Asahi tensed in his spot at the mention of that question. He clenched his jaw and balled his fist.

“No….I’m not.” He responded.

“Sorry’s not good enough.” He heard a female voice say.  He  abruptly looked up from his position at the class in surprise, searching for the voice  just to  be met with complete darkness . It was  extremely familiar.  Painfully familiar.

“Are you stupid?!” He heard her say again. The voice kept on talking, he  desperately searched for the person but he couldn’t find it. He found no one.

“You’re useless!” She yelled again.

“I’m sorry.” He heard his younger self whimper back.

“Sorry’s not good enough.” She said the line again.

“I’m not stupid.” His younger self sobbed.

“Yes you are!” She yelled.

“No!” Asahi shouted as all the memories came flooding back to him. A cold sweat showered him from top to bottom.

“Can’t you do anything?!” She said again.

“Please….no.” Asahi sobbed. It felt like he  was tied to that chair.

“You’re a lost cause!” She yelled. He heard his younger self cry, he felt the same agony he felt as a kid back then.

“No I’m not!” Asahi shouted  aimlessly at her.

“I’m sorry.” His younger self said.

“Sorry’s not good enough.” She said again. That same line over and over again. Rubbing salt in his wounds.

“You know I’ll _always_ love you.” He heard his mother say into the void.

Asahi bolted up sitting on his bed  desperately gasping for air. He  was drenched in sweat and a heavy load  was dumped on his heart. He looked down at his hands to find them shaking. A rattled feeling dawned on him as he ran his fingers through his hair and started sobbing. The lump in his throat was about to choke him.

The hot tears escaped his eyes and rolled down his cheek. His breath hitched in his throat as another sob came. The load on his heart became heavier and heavier. It was too much to bear. He  slowly got up from his bed with his body still in shock. Sobbing was all he could do.

He walked up to his desk and grabbed the box of cigarettes and the lighter off his shelf. The balcony door was open when he saw it so he walked in and pulled out a cigarette from the silver box. He put the cigarette between his middle and index finger and brought it up to his lips with a trembling hand.

Taking the lighter from his pocket, he lit up the cigarette and took the first pull of smoke. A familiar feeling of relaxation took over him but it didn’t stop the tears from falling. He looked forward at the not so impressing view with a million things running through his mind.

solutions. He tried to look for solutions. But the only thing that came to mind was something he didn’t want to be a solution at all. Jaehyuk. Asahi shook his head and looked down. His breath hiccuped between his lips from time to time, but the sobs calmed down. He took another pull of smoke and puffed it out in front of him. Watching the smoke go.

His phone rung in his pocket, catching his attention. He took it out and looked at it with curiosity.

It was Jaehyuk.

He answered the phone and put it up to his ear.

“Hey um…sorry for calling this late. I forgot my jacket in your car.” He said.

“No it’s fine.” He took another pull of smoke.

“I wanted to call you anyways.” He said when he blew out the smoke.


	30. chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song of the chapter: boys like you by tanerélle
> 
> listen to this song or i'll rob u 👺🗡

“I wanted to call you anyways.” Asahi said.

“ really ?” Jaehyuk asked. Even his voice sent a chill down Asahi’s spine. But he ignored that like it didn’t happen.

“Why are you up this late?” Asahi asked as he looked at the cigarette between his two fingers as it  slowly burnt down. 

“Had to do some homework.” He said in a tired voice.

“You should go to sleep.” Asahi said with his brows raised over his dead eyes.

“No no. I’m too stressed to sleep.” Jaehyuk said in a tired voice as he rubbed his eyes and leaned back in his desk chair.

“Why are you stressed?”  He asked and leaned forward against the balcony railings, staring at the view in front of him with his eyes in a squint .

“I have a calculus test in the morning.” He chuckled in a sleepy voice.

“Then you should study.” He said with a smirk.

“shut up.” Jaehyuk whined.

“What about you?” He asked. “Why are you up?”

Asahi looked down and put the cigarette up to his lips, taking in another pull of smoke to numb the weight on his heart.

“nightmare.” He sighed.

“Did you take your sleeping pills?” Jaehyuk asked, Asahi scoffed and looked down with a smile. His arms rested on the railing with his hand holding the cigarette hanging down. The dust forming on the cigarette sprinkled down.

“No,  _mom_ _.”_ He said  sarcastically .

“Why didn’t you take your pills?”

“I thought I’d sleep fine.” Asahi muttered, looking into the void with defeat dropping his expression.

“Did you sleep fine?” Jaehyuk asked.

“No…I didn’t.” He said  quietly and hung his head low.

“Take your sleeping pills. They help you.” Jaehyuk said with concerned laced into his voice. Asahi’s face fell as he listened to him.

“Don’t pity me.” He muttered and pulled in the smoke.

“i’m not. I’m  just saying.”

“right.” Asahi said and blew the smoke out with a bored look on his face.

“So…..do you wanna talk about that nightmare?” Jaehyuk said and looked at all the papers scattered on his desk.

“No.” He said  briefly .

“alright.” Jaehyuk sighed.

“When’s your test?” Asahi asked.

“I have calculus second period.” He responded.

“Are you actually gonna stay up until then?” He asked with his brows furrowed in confusion.

“I guess. I can’t sleep at all.”

“Did you try to sleep?”

“Yep. Didn’t work.”

A since fell between them. The wind ruffled Asahi’s hair as he brought the cigarette up to his lips. Jaehyuk grabbed a few papers and  mindlessly read through them and waited for the silence to end. Something about the silence felt comfortable. None of them rushed for the other to say anything. they both leaned into the silence with comfort.

“You know, smoking’s bad for you.” Jaehyuk said.

“I’m not smoking.” Asahi said with a small smile as he took in a pull of smoke.

“Yeah you are.”

“Prove it.” He said when he blew out the smoke.

“I can hear you.” Jaehyuk said after a short while.

“What do you mean you can hear me?” He chuckled in a low voice.

“I don’t know… I  just can.” Jaehyuk responded in a tired voice. Asahi’s heart lit into a flame as his voice came into his mind as a melody. He felt tired of trying to block all those new feelings so he decided to enjoy it.

“ Really ?”  He responded and propped his elbow on the railing and rested his jaw on his palm with the smoke coming out of the cigarette brushing against his pale skin . 

“Yeah. Smoking’s bad for you.” Jaehyuk said  simply .

“You think I don’t know that?” Asahi chuckled in a quiet voice.

“So you admit you’re smoking.”

Asahi  lightly chuckled as a grin surfaced his face. Jaehyuk had this weird innocence to him, it was cute.

“alright. You got me. I was smoking.” He said in mock defeat.

“I knew it.” Jaehyuk said  quietly in some sort of victory.

“Have you ever dated or liked someone before?” Asahi asked in curiosity. Jaehyuk’s love life wasn’t his biggest priority but he was still curious.

“I mean…..I’ve liked someone before.” He said.

“ Really ? Tell me about it.”

“So….she was my lab partner. She hated my guts. But I liked her. It was so stupid  honestly .” Jaehyuk shook his head. A little weight  was loaded onto Asahi’s heart while he heard him speak but he ignored it.

“What grade were you in?” Asahi asked as a took a pull of smoke.

“I was in the 9th grade.” Jaehyuk answered.

“Have you ever dated someone?” He asked again.

“Yeah…..like once in the 8th grade. We broke up after a week.” He said.

“What a fucking loser.” Asahi scoffed.

“Hey! I was  just too busy with school and stuff. But trust me. the girls were all over me.” He boasted.

“Yeah _right.”_ Asahi said  sarcastically .

“What about you?” Jaehyuk asked.

“I liked a lot of people….can’t  really keep track of them.” He chuckled.

“There was this one person I liked. They were  really nice to me…..and they made it look like they liked me too. But then they completely dumped me and stopped talking to me. I was in the 9th grade.” He muttered, trying to avoid the pronoun “he”. He had no idea how Jaehyuk would react. He couldn’t risk It.

“What an asshole.” Jaehyuk said. “Have you ever dated anyone?”

“Yeah…..once in junior year, the 11th grade. I  really liked them, and  apparently they liked me too. Then I broke up with them after I found out they were cheating.” He shook his head.

“Her loss.” Jaehyuk scoffed. Asahi let out a chuckle and blew out the smoke in front of him. It wasn’t a “she”.

“Why are you laughing.” Jaehyuk asked.

“nothing.” He hook his head with a smile prominent on his face.

“Shit the sun’s about to come up.” Asahi said with his brows furrowed as he watched the sky turn a lighter shade of blue. The sun peeked through at the bottom, making the clouds more colourful.

“Damn, it is.” Jaehyuk said when he looked out his window.

“I should go now.” Asahi said.

“Yeah me too. bye. Love you.” Jaehyuk said.

Asahi’s eyes widened and he felt his heart stop in his chest. The butterflies in his stomach spiralled as the sun pressed against his face the further it came up.

“Shit sorry. I was so tired I thought you were my mom.” Jaehyuk chuckled in a tired voice.

“I-it’s fine. Bye.” Asahi said and ended the call immediately. He let out a deep breath and put his cigarette out.

He walked back to his bed and dropped himself on the bed looking up at the ceiling with a dreamy foolish smile as his heart beat hard against his chest .

“What the fuck.” He panted with the same smile plastered on his face.


	31. chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for all the hajeongwoo stans, i have a hajeongwo story coming up 🏌️♂️👺
> 
> song recommendation - deep by summer walker

Jaehyuk rubbed his eyes after he woke up from his short nap and yawned. Skipping the first period was the only way he thought he was going to make it to calculus at least half awake. He looked around the room to see it lively lit up unlike how it was a few hours ago. It was crazy, it felt like a few minutes. His eyelids grew heavier as he looked at his bed. He had no chance to sleep at all.

He huffed a breath in defeat and walked to the bathroom as he grabbed a towel and slung it over his shoulder. The cold water hit his face, sending goosebumps down his body. But it was the only thing that can wake him up.

His hair grew damp due to the water over his head. The sound of the water drops falling to the cold ceramic ground felt like it was grounding itself into his ears. He closed his eyes and felt the mist of the cold water around him. It felt no different than being in an ice chamber.  Maybe his nerves were  just spiked up.

He opened his eyes and took a deep breath in as he trail of water trialed down his face. The coldness of the shower woke him up. It was like being  artificially awake. Not  naturally . But he accepted being awake anyways. He opened the glass door of the shower and wrapped the towel around his waist.

The reflection he saw before him in the mirror made him huff a breath. Sleep tried to force its way through him, though he felt too awake. He shook his head and washed his face. There was another towel that belonged to him in the bathroom so he took it and dried his hair, keeping it over his head.

He walked through campus to get to the building. It was way too far, but he had no time to wait for the bus. There were a lot of people in the bus stops anyways. 

Finally. He made it to the lecture hall and walked up the stairs to sit in a seat in the middle row. He put down his bag beside him and rested his head down on the table until the professor got there.

“Good morning.” The professor said when he walked in the class. Jaehyuk put his head back up and let out an exasperated sigh with his eyes  barely open. he  barely had any time to catch a little bit of sleep. 

The professor walked to his desk and put his big load of papers on the table and sat down on his chair. Jaehyuk felt himself tense up. These papers gave him so much pressure. It was the exam.

“Can you 10 pass the papers to the other students please?” He said to the first ten people in the front row. They got up and passed the papers around.  He gave the girl that gave him the paper a strained smile as he snatched the paper from her hands before she could put it on his desk . She rolled her eyes and moved on to the person beside him.

“Okay. You have 45 minutes to complete this. starting….now.” he said while he looked at the clock on the wall as he was deciding when to let them start. Quiet flipping of paper went through the lecture hall once he said “now”. Jaehyuk flipped his paper and clicked his blue pen open.

It relieved him to see that the first thing he saw on the paper was something he recognised. He took deep breath and started writing on the paper.

He wrote through the paper and answered the questions  smoothly . A small smile  was brought to his face.  Maybe he studied too hard the other night. Or it was some kind of good luck. No matter what it was, he accepted it. He was doing well on the test that was all he needed.

“Alright. Time’s up.” The professor announced. He let out a deep breath and turned the paper back. The same people who gave the class the papers came to collect them. He gave one of them the paper and left the class immediately.

He took his phone out of his pocket and called Jeongwoo.

“Hello?” Jeongwoo answered.

“Hey. Where are you?” He asked.

“I’m in class.”

“Oh okay. bye.” Jaehyuk said and ended the call.

Another thing was on his mind. He had to give in the physics project him and Bora were working on. It irritated him but Bora chose the right day to be sick. After giving in the project, he planed to go straight to his dorm and knock himself out to sleep.

The building Ms. Kang’s office is in wasn’t too far. There were directions written on boards. Sometimes, the campus stretched too far out for him. But he had to be thankful he didn’t have to walk a mile to get there.

The sun shone over his head making the temperature hotter than the other days. It  was supposed to be a little colder. The building was coming closer to view. It was an ancient looking building. Looked like it hadn’t  been renovated for years. He walked in though the halls decorated with cobble stone.

An elevator came into his view when he was about to go up the stairs.  Just convenient. He got of the first step on the stars and walked to it. The button made a dinging sound when he pressed it. He waited for it, hearing the distant whirring of the wires as the elevator went down.

It opened and he walked to it. He walked in to the mirrored elevator and pressed the number 4 before the doors closed. Patience wasn’t easy to come by. It was  just an elevator ride, it should only take a couple of seconds. But he wanted to sleep right away. His eye lids got heavier and heavier the more he had to wait.

While the elevator was going up, it  just stopped. The whirring of the wires stopped and the elevator didn’t move up anymore. His eyes widened while he pressed the open button in panic. It didn’t open. He huffed a breath and pressed the emergency button. 

He sat on the floor, deciding to wait it out.

“Everything’s gonna be fine.” He muttered to himself.

Nothing happened yet.

A cold sweat showered him as the time flew right before his eyes. The thud of his heart was prominent in his ears as he waited and waited. His stomach churned into all kinds of knots.

He got up and clicked the emergency button again. He sat back down and huffed a nervous breath.

Eventually , his eyelids got too heavy to hold up. He gave in to the sleep that was trying to force itself onto him.

“I  really liked your essay.” The professor told Asahi as he sat in his office.

“Thank you.” Asahi muttered with a small smile.

“But I don’t want you giving in your assignments late. This is the only chance I’ll give.” The professor said.

“yep. Last time.”

“alright. That will be all.”

Asahi left the office with his messenger bag slung over his shoulder. He walked through the hall to try to get to the elevator. He skipped his first few classes to get some sleep. Lucky for him, he could skip them. 

He got to the elevator and pressed the button, waiting for it not so  patiently . The mechanical doors of the elevator opened. As he was about to walk in, he noticed somebody sitting on the floor with their knees up to their chest, sleeping.

“Hello?” Asahi said with his face painted in confusion.

The person looked up with their eyes  barely open. Asahi noticed them, it was Jaehyuk.

Jaehyuk’s eyes widened when he saw him there. He  abruptly stood up and embraced him in a tight hug. Asahi’s eyes widened and his heart skipped a few beats.

He  hesitantly hugged him back, taking in the sent of his perfume.

“Thank you so much.” Jaehyuk said when he detached from him, holding either side of Asahi’s arms. Asahi felt the heat travel to his face.

“I thought I  was trapped .” He panted.

“Are you okay?” Asahi asked.

“Yeah. I’m alright _now.”_ He said, nodding his head.

“Where are you going?” He asked.

“To give in an assignment.”

“Alright, I’m gonna go with you. Then I’ll walk you back to your dorm.” he muttered.

“Thank you.” Jaehyuk said with a smile.


	32. chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm currently psycho outlining my hajeongwoo story it should be out soon 😃✌️
> 
> song of the chapter: alone with you by ashlee

A mysterious feeling weighed down on Asahi’s heart when he walked with Jaehyuk back to his dorm building. it didn’t explain itself, it  just happened. Asahi tested it out by glancing at him from time to time. The flutter in his stomach only got stronger.

Jaehyuk walked with his footsteps dragging behind him. He felt like his legs were sinking to the ground. He couldn’t take anymore of it, he  barely even noticed Asahi’s glances.

It was in the middle of noon now. The sun was shinning over their heads. If they put their hand above their heads, it would feel no different to an oven. Asahi didn’t know why he offered to take him back to his dorm. But something clicked when he saw him.

Like something was yearning to be with him in the back of his mind. He tries to hide these intrusive thoughts behind his blank expressions. But inside, he was a mess. He had no idea what he saw in Jaehyuk, but whenever he looks at him, the butterflies got more intense.

“Did you end up sleeping?” Asahi muttered.

“I skipped first period and took a nap. It didn’t  really do anything.” Jaehyuk shrugged. Asahi  nonchalantly nodded, not knowing what to say.

“I didn’t get much sleep but I’ll sleep for the rest of the day.” He said and turned his head to him. The view of the side of his face was enough to take his heart on a ride.

Asahi forced himself to look back forward and forget all about him. They entered the dorm building after a while of walking. Once they opened the glass doors a wind of breeze enlightened them. All the air conditioners  were opened .

“How did you do on your calculus test?” Asahi asked when they boarded the elevator.

“I actually did good.” Jaehyuk said with a smile. Asahi smiled when he saw his smile. He stopped himself immediately when he realised. A blush crept to his face as he looked  strictly forward. Jaehyuk turned his head to him with confusion written on his face.

“What’s wrong?” He asked. 

“nothing.” Asahi played off and shook his head. Jaehyuk was still confused but he didn’t bother too much about it.

They walked into his dorm room. Jaehyuk hopped on his bed once he took his shoes off. Asahi walked in and sat on his desk chair. He rolled around in it, making it feel like the room was rotating around him.

The chair started to slow down, he got more time to see Jaehyuk as the chair turned. He held onto the table to stop the chair. When he saw him, his heart took a small leap. 

He was pretty much asleep. It surprised Asahi how fast he fell asleep.

“Jaehyuk?” Asahi called out.

“Hm?” Jaehyuk hummed back to him with his eyes still closed.

“Should I go now?” He asked.

“You can stay if you want.” Jaehyuk muttered and snuggled closer to his bed.

Asahi sat back in the chair and looked around at the room. half of the room  was filled with soccer poster and a collection of soccer shirts hung on the wall. And the other half had awards and 2 band posters hung on the wall. It was  defiantly more minimalistic than the other soccer side.

His eyes shifted to Jaehyuk and they stayed there for a while. He tried to figure everything out while looking at him. He didn’t know how looking at him would help but he looked at him anyways.  Maybe his subconscious was looking for an excuse to look at him.

He enjoyed it anyway so he didn’t stop. He remembered that night when he picked him up from the party. It was a very strange night. Jaehyuk was his most vulnerable in front of him but Asahi looked at that with admiration.  Then he remembered the time when Jaehyuk unbuttoned the first few buttons of his shirt and took off his jacket . It felt like someone else but like Jaehyuk in the most accurate way.

He chuckled at the thought and the butterflies in his stomach intensified. This time, he didn’t try to stop himself. He got up from the chair and walked to Jaehyuk’s bed. A smile  was brought to his face. Innocence projected from him. He looked so at peace. He let out a light chuckle.

His hand  hesitantly made its way to his forehead. He was contemplating in his mind whether it was a good idea or not. But his subconscious  totally went for it. His fingers  lightly touched his forehead with hesitance. Electricity flowed from his finger to his entire body.

He put his palm on his forehead and  slowly pushed his hair back. He  slightly tilted his head to the side and smiled as his heart beat hard against his chest. Jaehyuk was still asleep. he had time to appreciate his side profile and how his face looked without his bangs.

A number of thought in his head screamed at him to stop and a few thoughts told him to keep going. He didn’t know which to follow so he ignored  all of them. He pushed his hair back once more and laid his hand on his forehead with a foolish smile still prominent on his face.

His smile disappeared and his eyes widened with his hand tense on his forehead when Jaehyuk  suddenly opened his eyes .

“What are you doing?” He asked in a tired voice.

“Um nothing….there was  just uh…something on your forehead.” He played off with his signature blank expression. Jaehyuk closed his eyes and snuggled closer in his bed.

“Keep going, I like it.. .....It’s calming.” Jaehyuk muttered with his eyes closed.

Asahi  hesitantly laid on the bed with him. He felt the thud of his heart in his ears when he laid down beside him. He clasped his hands in front of him and he stared at the ceiling, trying to avoid any confrontation.

“Come _on.”_ Jaehyuk grunted. He  was turned to the side away from Asahi. He  slowly reached to his hair and ran his hands through it with his heart hammering. Jaehyuk smiled when he felt the shivers run down his spine as Asahi ran his fingers through his hair.

After a while, Asahi heard Jaehyuk’s soft breaths. He turned his head to him, he was asleep. But he kept on going. It was calming for him too.

Suddenly , Jaehyuk turned him and wrapped his arm around Asahi’s waist. The butterflies in his stomach exploded and his eyes widened. He looked down to see Jaehyuk’s head laying on his chest. If he was awake, he would’ve heard Asahi’s hammering heartbeat. So he prayed to god that he actually was sleeping. 

He  hesitantly kept on caressing his hair and staring at the ceiling. It felt so precious to him. The moment felt so precious. He didn’t expect to share a moment like that with Jaehyuk. But then again, all the best things come as a surprise.

Asahi felt his eyelids getting heavier and heavier. His hand on Jaehyuk’s head got lazier until it stopped. He gave in to the sleep and submerged into his subconscious.

So there they were.

With Jaehyuk cradled between his arms.

As they both slept in peace.


	33. chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SAW THE FUCKING TEASER OF MY TREASURE IT'S SO GOOOD. it gives me lullaby by got7 vibes.
> 
> song of the chapter: pain & pleasure by black atlas

Asahi snuggle closer to the source of heat next to him and wrapped his hands tighter around it. He didn’t want to let go. The sweet smell of perfume pulled him in. He pressed the side of his head against something. And he heard a heartbeat. A steady heartbeat.

Jaehyuk had him wrapped around his arms as he slept  peacefully  . He felt and heard his soft breaths as he slept. He was asleep too, he didn’t realise he was there. But he felt better with him there. There was nothing to complain about. Having a warm source to sleep beside made it easier to relax. His subconscious  fully  submerged him, he never wanted to leave the position he was in. He wrapped his arms tighter around the smaller frame beneath him.

His eyes fluttered open from his sleep. He noticed someone cradled between his arms. A blank expression painted his face as he  slowly  looked down. He saw a head of black hair resting on his chest. His heart started to beat harder and harder the faster he recognised the person. The warmth made him want to stay in that position, but his thoughts refused.

He  carefully  lifted his head to check if his eyes were correct. They were correct. It was Asahi, he was asleep beside him. His arms  were wrapped  around Jaehyuk’s waist  tightly  . Butterflies exploded in his stomach once he realised. He  slowly  sat up in his bed,  carefully  removing his arm. Asahi was still fast asleep.

The windows portrayed the dark night sky. Last thing he remembered was going to sleep at noon. He sighed in regret and buried his face in his hands. Hyunsuk wasn’t in the room, he hoped he never entered the room in the first place.

Right when he was about to get out of bed, he felt Asahi  lightly  tug on his shirt twice. He looked back at him, he was still dead asleep.  Barely  awake. Jaehyuk shook his head and tried to get out of bed again. This time, Asahi held both sides of his wast and pulled him back to bed beside him. He felt a flutter in his stomach when he touched his waist. He bounced his back on the bed and laid down beside him.

Asahi wrapped his arms around his waist again and laid his head on his chest. Jaehyuk felt his soft breaths on his neck. He gulped down and tensed in his spot. Asahi still latched onto him. Jaehyuk was positive that if Asahi was awake he would punch him. But he realised that when Asahi was asleep, he was completely different.

“Asahi.” Jaehyuk whispered to try and wake him up. Asahi was still asleep but his face twisted in annoyance.

“Asahi.” He tried to wake him up again. This time Asahi sat up in the bed with his hair ruffled up and his eyes in a wince. He looked around at the room in confusion. Then he looked back. When he saw Jaehyuk there, he rolled his eyes and looked back forward.  Just  as Jaehyuk thought. Asahi was different when he was asleep.

“Oh my god.” He sighed and ran a hand through his messy hair.

“What time is it?” He asked Jaehyuk and looked back at him again.

“It’s 8:40pm.” He answered when he examined the clock.

_“shit.”_ Asahi grunted.

As he was about to stand up, his phone rung in his pocket. He took it out and flipped it open without checking the number. Jaehyuk watched him and snuggled in the bed.

“Hello?” He answered the phone in a sleepy voice.

“Hey.” Bora answered back. He nodded in realisation when he heard her familiar voice.

“What’s up?” He asked.

“Is Jaehyuk with you?” She asked on the get go. Asahi was kind of surprised that she asked about him, what a coincidence. But his face didn’t portray surprise. It kept its blank exterior as always.

“Um..yeah.” he answered.

“Why the fuck hasn’t he answered my calls?” She asked.

“I don’t know  maybe  his phone’s dead.” He excused with a smile. Jaehyuk’s head turned to him in curiosity. He stared at the dimple poking on his cheek as he smiled with admiration he didn’t even know he had.

“No I fucking doubt it.” She said in anger. Asahi chuckled, making the dimples on either sides of his cheek deeper. Jaehyuk  subconsciously  smiled with him like he  was hypnotised .

“I want you to tell him something and I want you to tell him _Bora_ said it.” She said  sternly .

“What do you want me to tell him?” He chuckled. Something in Jaehyuk’s stomach churned when he saw him smile. He  was taken by  surprise from it.

“You know what, put him on the phone.” She demanded.

“No no,  just  tell me what you want to tell him.” Asahi laughed, trying to sound the least bit persuasive.

“alright. Tell him that Bora says where the _fuck_ is the project. And that I’m gonna beat his ass if he didn’t hand it in.” She instructed.

“Hey jaehyuk.” Asahi called out. Jaehyuk turned his head to him at the mention of his name.

“Bora says where did you take the project, she says she’ll beat your ass if you didn’t hand it in.” He told him.

“Ugh I handed it in. fuck.” He grumbled.

“He says he handed it in.” Asahi told her and hung up the phone. He laid back on the bed with him and stared at the ceiling. Jaehyuk looked at him, observing every feature like he was crazy.

“I slept well.” He turned his body to the side to face Jaehyuk and told him with a smile he tried to bite down. Sleeping well without the sleeping pills was a  really  big deal for him.

“ Really  ?” Jaehyuk asked,  weirdly  mesmerised by his eyes.

“Yeah.” Asahi answered with a growing smile like he was trying to contain his excitement.

“I’m glad that-.” Jaehyuk tried to say. Before he had the chance to complete his sentence Asahi embraced him in a warm hug.

Jaehyuk’s eyes widened. his hands trailed up his back,  hesitantly  hugging him back. Asahi closed his eyes and pulled him in tighter. The smell of the perfume on his shirt hypnotised him.

Asahi was going to miss this when he went back to his dorm.

He would never find warmth like that anywhere.

He didn’t want to let go…..ever.

_“wow.”_ Hyunsuk said in surprise when he entered the room. His jaw was about to drop to the floor.


	34. chap 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the fact that Asahi made this series called "yoon jaehyuk and i" made me sob.
> 
> song of the chapter: red sub by gwsn

“wow.”

Asahi opened his eyes to see someone standing beside the door wearing a sweaty soccer uniform, staring at them in surprise . Jaehyuk couldn’t see him but he knew Hyunsuk’s voice when he heard it. He  quickly detached from him and looked back at Hyunsuk.

“You’re back.” He muttered. Asahi sighed and buried his face in his hands. He did not expect to be hugging Jaehyuk like that. Let alone have someone walk in on them. Hugging in bed. Asahi would be pretty weirded out too if he saw that.

“Looks like I’m back at the wrong time.” He snorted and put his bag on the ground. Jaehyuk shut his eyes closed in regret and took a deep breath in.

“I-it’s not what you think.” Jaehyuk said in a hurry. Asahi rolled his eyes and got up from the bed. Hyunsuk took off his shoes and slung a towel over his shoulder.

“Don’t worry.” He said as he was about to walk into the bathroom. “I saw nothing.”

Jaehyuk heard the sarcasm in his voice. Hyunsuk shut the door behind him and Jaehyuk let out an exasperated sigh. He ran a hand through his hair and watched Asahi as he gathered his things in a hurry.

“I should go.” Asahi muttered and gave him a small smile. Jaehyuk looked at him in a slight disappointment. He wanted to tell him to stop. But at this point, he had to let him go. 

“Okay….bye.” Jaehyuk said and laid down on the bed. Asahi walked out the door. A part of Jaehyuk was almost disappointed that he left. He huffed a breath and stared at the ceiling.

Asahi took away the warmth with him when he left. The room felt  strangely cold. He kind of got used to Asahi being beside him. It felt weird for him to not be there. Silence filled the room. Only the sound of the water from the bathroom  was heard . It made the room feel more silent. 

The water in the bathroom shut off and Hyunsuk walked in wearing a pair of pyjamas. He looked at Jaehyuk with a smirk. Jaehyuk rolled his eyes and looked back at the ceiling.

“What was that?” He asked him.

“It was nothing.” Jaehyuk said, keeping his eyes at the ceiling.

“It looked like something.” Hyunsuk said and sat down his bed to face him as he spoke.

“He’s my friend.” He muttered. “I don’t think you can call us friends anyway.”

“ Really ? Why not?” Hyunsuk asked in curiosity. Jaehyuk sighed at the question. He didn’t have the energy to dive into their complicated relationship.

“We’re  just nice to each other sometimes.” He tried to explain. He grimaced at the explanation after it left his mouth.

“What do you mean by _nice?”_ Hyunsuk said with a smirk. Jaehyuk  desperately wanted to wipe that smirk off of his face.

“Jesus Hyunsuk.” He groaned and turned his head to him with his brows furrowed. Hyunsuk let out a chuckle and snuggled in his bed to go to sleep. Unfortunately for Jaehyuk, he already ruined his sleep schedule.

“I slept with him.” Asahi told his camera.

“Shit. I mean I slept _beside_ him.” He sighed when he realised how wrong his first sentence was.

“I offered to walk him back to his dorm. It looked like he was about to pass out when I found him.” He chuckled.

“So I decided to help him. Don’t know why. I couldn’t  just leave him there.”

“I  just want this whole liking Jaehyuk phase to be over.” He muttered.

“I do that all the time. I take interest in people and then lose all my interest after a week. I’m pretty sure this is not real too.”

“But he’s  just so _kind._ And cute.” He said with his expression getting dreamier as he continued.

“I didn’t  just say that.” He sighed when he realised what he said.

“The point is….I don’t want to get hurt again.”

“I know this is  just a phase. so why bother?”

“I started off hating him. I don’t know if I hate him anymore. Can we even  be called friends?”

“He treats me with so much compassion. I guess I fell for that.”

“His hair is  really soft by the way.” He said with a soft chuckle.

“I spent like half of my time caressing his hair because he told me to.” 

“It was kinda fun.. but it made me so nervous.”

“Being that close to him  just spiked up my nerves.”

“I  just want to finish my plan and get this over with.”

“Everything is so confusing to me.”

“The worst thing I could ever do is confess. I would never do that.”

“Chances are I get rejected and shit gets awkward. I become heartbroken then  I think there’s something wrong with me for the next few months.  Just like always.” He shook his head.

“I’m pretty sure he doesn’t even like guys. What makes me think I have a chance?” He snorted.

“If I confess, he’ll  probably think I’m disgusting….. just like everybody else.”

“And I kinda don’t wanna lose him.” He said  quietly , his mood started to dim down.

“It’ll be high school all over again.”

“Jaehyuk’s the only person I get to feel alive with. I love my other friends. But Jaehyuk’s different than that. Being with him makes me feel like I’m actually doing something exciting with my youth.”

“But of course….he doesn’t know  I feel that away. And it’s only a stupid phase. I’ll get over it.”

“I fall for him more whenever I see him. Or when he’s being nice to me. Or when he’s comforting me.”

“I  just want this phase to end. I’m gonna get hurt.”

“It would be nice though.” He said with a smile.

“If it turns out he likes me too. And we become a couple.”

“We can go on dates.”

“He can come with me to fields filled with lavender to collect flowers and mushrooms.”

“We can plan our future together.” He chuckled.

“I can meet his family. And he can meet mine.”

“We can stargaze for hours uninterrupted.”

“We can stay up all night talking about dumb shit.”

“We can dance to  really old sappy music.”

“I can even make us friendship bracelets. It can be like couple bracelets or something.” He said with a wide grin. He looked at the void imagining all that he said as his heart thudded against his ribcage.

“I can teach him some spells.”

“But he has nothing to do with witchcraft or Wicca. So it would be  really funny to see him try.”

“We can watch sunsets at the beach.”

“Wow.”

_“I really like him.”_


	35. chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE COMEBACK WAS SO GOOOD  
> i figured out what au i want to do for my hajeongwoo story purr 💅
> 
> song recommendation - love from NGC 7318 by tanerelle

It’s been a week since Asahi and Jaehyuk last encounter. A week where Asahi tried his best to avoid him. He  secretly hoped Jaehyuk would come looking for him. But he didn’t. He couldn’t hide his disappointment but he knew it was for the best.

He sat in his bed, surrounded by bottles filled with herbs and flowers. The smell of lavender calmed him when he opened the screw off the bottle. Sunlight shone through the open windows, he had to be in a good mood for this. Who didn’t want to be in a bad mood.

A jar sat in the middle of the bottles. He grabbed his lighter and his incense stick,  gently igniting it with fire and shaking it. Smoke moving  elegantly came out from the top of the stick. He took in the sweet smell and stuck the incense stick in the jar. It filled up with the smoke and he took the incense stick out. He began adding his ingredients in one by one with a smile plastered on his face.

Witchcraft was something that’s been in his family for generations. He loved it so much. It made him calm and happy. It’s a thing he would never change.

As he was about to grab his tall candle, his phone vibrated on his night stand. His attention shifted to his phone as he put the candle down. He grabbed it and answered the phone.

“Hello?” He answered the phone.

“Hey honey.” He heard his mom say from the other line. A smile surfaced his face when he heard her voice.

“Hey mom. I’m actually making a spell jar right now and  I was wondering if you can tell me how you do it.” He asked.

“ Really ? What type of spell?” She asked.

“ Just a simple protection jar.” He answered.

“I’m sorry. I don’t have time sweetie.  Maybe I’ll tell you some other time.” She apologised in a genuine tone. Asahi didn’t have a problem with it. He was  just happy that his mother called.

“It’s fine.”

“Or  maybe I can tell you tomorrow!” She said  excitedly .

“What do you mean?” He asked in confusion.

“We’re having a family dinner. My sister’s will be here. My mom too. And your cousins!” She said. His face fell and his heart dropped to the pits of his stomach. 

“W-what?” He asked  quietly in shock.

“Yeah!” She said. “You’re coming. Right?”

“um..yeah! Or course!” He tried to say in fake excitement.

“Awesome! It’s tomorrow at 1pm.” She told him.

“Alright I need to go. Bye honey.” She said before hanging up the phone. His phone fell out of his hands and his stomach churned into every knot. He ran his hands through his hair, feeling his chest getting tighter and tighter.

“Fuck.” He panted. He felt the thoughts racing through his head. His breathing became more and more choked. He tried to stop to take some deep breaths but they all came out ragged. 

A weight pulled his heart down low, to the point it became painful. It became harder for him to breath. He stood up and took several deep breaths though none of them succeeded to calm him down. Millions of thoughts and doubts ran through his mind. 

He picked his phone off the bed and scrolled down his phone record with his brows furrowed. A number with a name over it caught his attention. Bora.

“Hey.” He said  shakily into the phone when she picked up the phone.

“Um hey. Are you okay?” She asked when she noticed his tone.

“No uh…I’m fine. Are you free?” He asked  quickly .

“Yeah….I guess. What’s up?” She said.

“I need to go shopping for more herbs and crystals. Can you come with me?” He asked her.

“Sure, why not.” She told him and hung up the call. He let out a deep breath and felt his mood liven up again. In whole honesty, he wasn’t running out of anything. He  just wanted to get out of the confines of his tight room.

He tried to fight the urge to call Jaehyuk. Whenever he felt upset or happy, he always wanted Jaehyuk to be there. It was something he tried to hide deep down inside. But he knew he was able to hide it, and unable to deny it.

Whenever he wasn’t there, he missed him. The thought that Jaehyuk doesn’t feel the same makes his heart sink. That was something he tried to deny. But he doesn’t want to entangle himself into a romantic relationship. It always ends up with him being on the receiving end of the hurt. And being vulnerable in front of someone was something he never wanted to do ever again.

He wore some shorts and a sweatshirt and walked outside. Bora must  be parked right outside his dorm building. He didn’t want to walk or do anything. All he wanted to do was forget. 

As he hoped, Bora’s convertible car  was parked right outside when he exited the elevator. he smiled and walked out to her. Her eyes turned to him, she smiled back at him as he opened the car door. 

They drove through the city, feeling the fast wind go through their hair. The sun was shining bright over them and the city was alive with people. 

“So…what’s up?” She asked as an attempt to start a conversation.

“Nothing much. You?” He asked in a tedious tone.

“I’m actually going on a date tomorrow?” She said. He turned his head to her in curiosity.

“ Really ? Who?”

“You don’t know him. But he’s  really sweet. So he asked me out on a date.” She said with a smile prominent on her face.

“congrats. Let’s hope he isn’t a dick.” Asahi scoffed.

“Ugh don’t say that. He isn’t.” She whined.

“He needs to be good enough for you. If he ever mistreats you, remind him who Kim Bora is.” he said in a determined tone, she let out a light chuckle.

“Or we can hex him together.” He chuckled.

“Yeah that would be so fun!” She turned her head to him and said  excitedly .

“Are you excited to hex him or something?” He laughed.

“No.” She laughed with him. When she took a turn. the wind in his hair ruffled, he put his eyes in a wince. She didn’t seem too bothered with it. Her long highlighted hair flew back with the wind.

“What about you?” She asked. “What’s going on in your love life?”

The first thing that popped up to his mind was Jaehyuk. His expression fell when he was yet reminded that he wasn’t there. But a small smile tried to make its way through his frown soon later.

“Ooh, I see that smile.” She cooed. He chuckled and rolled his eyes.

“It’s nothing.” He muttered.

“Come on! You can tell me. who is it?”

“No one. My love life’s boring.” He shrugged. Another smile made its way to his lips when he thought about Jaehyuk again.

“You said you were with Jaehyuk yesterday, right?” She asked.

“yep.”

“What were you guys doing?”

“ Just some…..boring stuff.” He tried to say.

“You hang out with him more than me now.” She scoffed.

“No, I hang out with you more.” He turned his head to her.

“I  just don’t get it. He’s  really annoying and….strange.” she shook her head.

“He’s not that bad.” He muttered and turned his head to the window.

“To me, he is.”

“Not to me.” He said  quietly .

“I thought you hated him.” She chuckled.

“I miss him.” He said  impulsively .

“What?” She asked.


	36. chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i couldn't update yesterday. since i'm a lil sorry, imma update twice today 🙄💅🙈
> 
> song recommendation - still alive by aaryan shah

“What?” She turned to him with confusion. He looked at the other side away from her and shut his eyes closed as he took a deep breath. She looked back at the road. Asahi realised it was too late to bite his tongue now.

“You miss him?” She asked with her brows furrowed as if she was wondering if her ears were correct. Asahi rolled his eyes and sighed. 

“No.” He muttered. She  briefly turned her head to him with her brows furrowed.

“What did you mean then?” She asked when she looked back at the road.

“I was joking.” He sighed. There was no joke in what he said. Though he tries to deny it, he knows he can’t. He missed him. But he couldn’t tell her that. What will she think?

“You’re _not_ funny.” She chuckled. He looked out the window, enjoying the violent wind and the warm sunshine. The sun made a perfect balance with the wind. It was hot but the wind made it cold. Asahi felt the wind pressing on his skin, it was refreshing. 

“I should get you someone.” Bora said. Asahi looked at her in confusion.

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“You know. Like a girlfriend.” She said. Asahi looked back at the window and rolled his eyes. He didn’t even know if he liked girls. He didn’t know what he was. And he wasn’t planning on finding out anymore. It’ll  just end up like the last time he tried.

“No thanks.” He muttered, keeping his eye on the window.

“Come on. You always look upset and bored.  Maybe a girlfriend can change that.” She said, trying to sound convincing. Asahi’s expression stayed the same.

“Or a boyfriend.” He said  briefly as he looked out the window, watching the buildings that came and went. She furrowed her brows and side eyed him before looking back at the road.

“What?” She asked, that statement came as a surprise to her. She didn’t expect to hear that.

“It’s not the 1800s. People  are allowed to be gay.” He muttered.

“Are _you_ gay?” She asked.

“no.” he replied with the same thing he told everyone. It was the only thing that felt safe to say to that question. Thinking about what might happen if he said “yes” was far too intimidating. 

“And I look bored and upset all the time. Nothing new.” He told her.

“That’s the problem.” She chuckled.

“I’m  perfectly happy.” He muttered.

“Right.”

After they  were done shopping, Asahi went back to his dorm. It wasn’t as enjoyable as he told himself it would be. But at least he got to get out of his dorm. When he came back, a feeling of disappointment dawned on him.

The darkness of his room and the shear emptiness made him want to run as far away as possible. It made him angry. Nothing in his life felt fair.  Waking up everyday and finding out yet again that he’s still the same person was the most disappointing thing .

Taking pity or empathy from others wasn’t something he ever felt comfortable with. He always thought that no one meant what they were actually saying. Because of that he instead pushed people away. Everyone thought he was  just rude and unapproachable. 

He walked to his bed and dropped himself on it, staring at the ceiling. He didn’t bother to open the lights. The good mood he was in when he woke up was something he could never retrieve. No matter how much he wanted it.

“Where the _fuck_ am I?” He muttered to himself. Though he knew he was in his dorm, it didn’t feel like his dorm. It felt foreign and weird. So for the sake of his sanity, he blamed it on his mood.

Right as he was about to turn to his side and go to sleep. His phone vibrated against his wooden nightstand. It made a louder sound due to the wood. He turned his head to it with his brows furrowed and his eyes in a wince. He snatched it off the nightstand, taking in a deep breath.

“Hello?” He sighed, answering the phone.

“Hey.” He heard Jaehyuk say from the other line. His eyes widened and his annoyed exterior  slowly started to fall off.

“What’s up?” He muttered.

“Do you remember the jacket I left in your car?” He asked. Asahi’s shoulders fell when he heard that. He felt stupid that he thought Jaehyuk called him because he wanted to hear him. And there Asahi was. With his heart beating harder the more he got to appreciate his voice.

“Yep.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“Yeah um…I forgot to tell you to bring it again and my roommate is furious?” He said.

“Why is your roommate mad?” Asahi chuckled  lightly . His head was hanging low, making his hair fall in front of his face.

“Because I borrowed it from him.” He said. Asahi let out a quiet laugh and dropped himself back on the bed with a smile plastered on his face.

“He’s cute.” He thought to himself.

“Say something.” Jaehyuk said when he took notice of Asahi’s silence.

“What do you want me to say?” He muttered with a smile as he turned to his side.

“That you’ll bring it?” Jaehyuk shrugged. Asahi let out a chuckle.

“No. I  just came back from a very exhausting trip and I’m going nowhere.” He said.

“Come _on_. Can’t you  just bring it? It can be good for you.” Jaehyuk whined. Asahi rolled his eyes and let out a laugh.

“You know what would be good for me right now? cocaine.” Asahi said.

“You do cocaine?” Jaehyuk asked.

“no.” Asahi replied  nonchalantly .

“You sound upset.” Jaehyuk told him.

“ Really ?” Asahi scoffed with a smile, melting at the spot at the sound of Jaehyuk voice. If Jaehyuk knew, he would  probably call him gross.

“Why?” He asked when he noticed that Asahi didn’t deny it.

“nothing. I’m going to my parents’ house tomorrow for a family reunion.” He sighed.

“Is that why you’re upset about?” Jaehyuk asked.

“um…no.”

“Then why?”

“Why are you being nosy?”

“Because…..” Jaehyuk tried to say. He didn’t know why he was asking all these questions  all of a sudden.

“Because what?” Asahi muttered.

“Never mind.” He sighed.

“I’ll give you the jacket when I can.” Asahi said and sat up in his bed. “Don’t bother me about it.

“Am I bothering you?”

No he wasn not. Asahi was enjoying every bit of listening to him. He  was caught by surprise. But then again, what could he expect?

“No.” Asahi said and rubbed his eye.

“Does that mean you’re having fun?” He asked.

“no.” Asahi said again.

“So you’re not having fun and you’re not annoyed at the same time?”

_“you’re making me feel better….don’t ruin it.”_


	37. chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i changed Asahi's family's actual name cuz i'm not a creep 🙈  
> and i updated twice today periodt.
> 
> song recommendation - la luna enamorada by kali uchis

“You’re making me feel better…..don’t ruin it.”

Jaehyuk felt his heart stop in his chest, his eyes widened.

“W-what?” Jaehyuk asked  quietly stumbling over his words.

Asahi’s eyes widened when he realised what he said, he tensed up in his spot and sucked in a breath. Jaehyuk heard him let out an exasperated sigh from the other line. Asahi furrowed his brows and massaged his temples in frustration.

“Ugh _shit_ ….forget I said that.” He grumbled. Jaehyuk was still speechless but he wanted to sound normal and  totally okay with it. 

“I uh……it’s-“ He tried to say. Before he could continue, Asahi  quickly cut him off.

“I need to go to sleep.” He said. “Go to sleep.” 

“I-“ Jaehyuk said before Asahi hung up the phone.

Asahi drove through the city with a bitter expression and his stomach churning into knots . The sun was shining as bright as it could. It was 12pm and he never thought he would have to waste his long awaited Saturday like this. His sweaty hand gripped the steering wheel. 

A gutting feeling made its way to his stomach when he pictured his family being there. He took a deep breath in and stared at the road with a determined face. His heart started to beat harder when his surroundings began to get more and more familiar. He was getting closer.

The image of his cousins made him sick. Some of them went to high school with him. And that wasn’t so pleasant. 

A garden welcomed him to his house. He gulped down and shut the car engine off as he let out a guided breath. The garden in the front yard wasn’t so welcoming anymore. He looked up at the house and took a deep breath.

He walked up to the doorstep and rung the bell. His heart was beating harder when he heard footsteps come to the door. He clasped his hands together and braced himself.

The door rattled open. His cousin was leaning against the door frame, looking at him with a weird expression. He scoffed when he saw him and Asahi rolled his eyes, walking in the house pushing him out of the way. The house was the same. Sienna wooden floorboards, the old grandfather clock, plants everywhere. He smiled as he took his shoes off.

“Asahi!” His mom greeted and walked up to him with open arms. He embraced her in a warm hug.

“I missed you so much.” She said and hugged him tighter.

“Look at you. You’ve grown!” She mused when she detached to inspect him. He let out a chuckle.

“Look who came.” His aunt said from the kitchen. He laughed and walked to hug her her.

After the introductions they sat on the table. Four of his cousins were there. Two of them went to school with him. He picked at his food and kept his head low. He’s been trying to avoid them through his entire stay but he couldn’t avoid them now.

The table was dead silent. Neither of them liked silence. But none of them had anything to say.

“Asahi….how’s college?” His aunt, Mirei, asked and put down her chopsticks. 

“good.” He said  briefly , keeping his head down at his food. 

“Are you doing well in your classes?” She asked again.

“yep.” He answered.

“hm. I wish my son was like you.” She shook her head.

“At least I’m not gay.” His cousin grumbled. He looked up at him cousin with blank expression to hide his surprise. 

“Shut up. Asahi’s not gay.” His aunt, Ayaka, said. That also caught him by surprise. His mom put a hand over her arm and  lightly shook her head with a concerned expression.

“What do you mean?” Mirei asked her.

“He  just didn’t find the right girl yet.” She shrugged, as if she was right. He looked back down at his food and started picking at it. 

“Yeah he is.” his cousin said, he rolled his eyes. “You should’ve seen him in high school, the whole school knew about it.”

Asahi gripped his chopsticks tighter and clenched his Jaw at the mention of that.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Ayaka said and took a sip of her water. “He’s  just confused.”

“Let’s change the subject.” His mom said in a quiet tone.

“No Kyoko, we can’t keep ignoring this.” His aunt said in a domineering voice.

“Leave it alone.” His grandmother said, but no one listened to her.

“He’s only confused. Trust me, he  just needs to find the right girl.” Ayaka said again.

Asahi put down his chopsticks and leaned back in his chair.

“Some people are  just gay, you know. You don’t need to dissect it.” One of his cousins said.

“It’s not normal.” Ayaka shook her head.

“It is.” Asahi muttered.

“No it’s not. No one is  just _born_ gay.”

“People can be born gay.” He said again.

“No. It’s impossible. It’s not normal. It’s disgusting.” She said with her face twisting in a disgusted expression.

“No it’s not.” He said in a louder tone. His mother looked up at them with an unsure expression. Everyone stopped to look at them.

“Look, there’s this  really nice girl. She’s my friend’s daughter. My friend’s been talking about how she wanted her to get a boyfriend-“ Ayaka said, trying to sound persuading. 

“I’m not interested.” Asahi muttered and looked down at his food.

“So if I told you that my friend’s son wanted a boyfriend, you’d agree?” She scoffed and leaned back in her chair.

“ Just because I like guys, doesn’t mean I like every guy I see.” He said and glared up at her.

“I told you, he’s a fucking faggot!” His cousin announced to the table.

“Say that again and I’ll break your head in two.” Asahi said, trying his hardest to contain his anger.

“What are you gonna do? Who invited the fucking faggot here anyway?” He scoffed.

Asahi  abruptly stood up and left to his room. He balled his hands into fists and walked to his room with a quick pace.

“Asahi come back!” He heard his mom say from the dining room. He ignored her and dropped himself on his bed.

He heard his family argue in the living room but he had to pretend he didn’t hear them. His heart  was fired up in anger already. It didn’t need more fuel for the anger. 

His phone was in his pocket, he took it out and went through his phone records. He pressed on Jaehyuk’s name and put the phone up to his ear.

“Are you free?” He asked immediately when Jaehyuk picked up the phone.

“Um..yeah I guess.” Jaehyuk said in surprise.

“Alright I’ll come pick you up.”

"sure...okay. where are we going?"

"anywhere but here."


	38. chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was gonna bail on yall and update tomorrow but i didn't. bad bitch energy.
> 
> song of the chapter: telepatía by kali uchis
> 
> listen to it plssss

“Anywhere but here.” Asahi said.

“Are you okay?” Asahi heard from the other line. He  lightly chuckled and looked down. The concern in his voice made Asahi’s heart jump.

“Hello?” Jaehyuk asked when he heard nothing coming from him. Asahi cleared his throat and looked up with a small smirk on his. Jaehyuk was a little confused. Asahi called so  suddenly , it felt weird. 

“Yeah?” Asahi answered.

“What’s wrong?” Jaehyuk asked again. Asahi sighed and looked down as he bit on his bottom lip. The whole situation could make Jaehyuk hate him too. And  surprisingly , he didn’t want Jaehyuk to hate him. He didn’t want to risk that.

“I  just want to hang out with you.” Asahi said with a smile. “There’s nothing wrong.”

Jaehyuk’s heart skipped a beat, making his eyes widen. He didn’t expect anything like that.

“ Really ?” Jaehyuk asked.

“yeah. Is that so hard to believe?” He chuckled.

“Alright….I’ll come pick you up now.” Asahi said and hung up the phone before Jaehyuk got the chance to say anything. 

He turned around to leave the room and he found his mom standing there. She held a concerned expression on her face. He sighed and dropped his shoulders, looking at her with a blank expression.

“Who were you calling?” She asked.

“My friend. You don’t know him?” He said  simply .

“Are you going with him?” She asked again with a disappointed expression on her face.

“Yep.” He sighed.

“Is he your boyfriend?”

“No mom. He’s  just a friend.” He  lightly chuckled. “Friend”. He couldn’t bear to say that word again though it comforted him.

“Stay here.” She said with a concerned face. Asahi looked down and sighed. He walked up to her and looked her in the eye. 

“I’ll be back.” He said  reassuringly .

“That’s good.” She said, with her expression lightening up.

“But I’ll be back when they leave.” He said  sternly , pointing at the dining room.

“They’ll be out.  Just ….stay safe.” She said and hugged him. He hugged her back  tightly .

He detached from her and walked out of his room. His goal was to walk to the front door with out getting noticed by anyone. But he knew that wasn’t possible. Everyone in the table was expecting him.  Probably gossiping about him too. So he  just had to walk through and hope for the best.

He took a deep breath and walked through the hallway. He was getting more nervous the closer he got to the dining room. When he walked past it, he felt  all of their eyes on him, he clenched his jaw and walked faster.

“Where are _you_ going?” Ayaka asked him  domineeringly .

“out.” He  simply said, not turning his head to them. He opened the front door.

“And yes. It’s true!” He called out to them when he turned around to face them.

“I like guys!” He called out again. “I’m a _fucking_ homo!”

“Deal with it!” After he said that he shut the front door and jogged to his car. A smile surfaced his face as he ran through his neighbourhood in the dark night. He can’t believe he  just did that. It felt so satisfying to finally get it off his chest.

He got in his car and let out a breath as he started the engine. It felt so freeing. Usually he would  just take whatever they would tell him. No matter how hurtful the words were. Now he got away from them. He didn’t take their shit. He still couldn’t believe he did it.

It was 9pm. The darkness gave him comfort. He opened the windows and let the fast wind ruffle through his hair. He smiled and pressed his foot harder on the gas making the car go faster, he gripped the steering wheel harder.

Control was dominating  all of his emotions. Flooding through his veins. It felt freeing. The city was at its finest beauty. Lights decorated the skyscrapers and buildings. It was so rare that he felt that good without any alcohol or cigarettes. He felt in control of everything. But most  importantly , himself.

Finally, he  was parked outside of Jaehyuk’s dorm building. He gave Jaehyuk a call, he should be here any minute. He looked forward at the dark trees. His heart beat harder against his chest the longer he waited for him. Weird excitement filled him up as he thought about him.

Jaehyuk was so  strangely appealing to him. Asahi wondered if Jaehyuk saw that in himself too. It would be weird if he didn’t. His eyes, his lips, his hair, how caring he was, his height, his smile.  All of that made Asahi’s heart jump up and down.

A click at the door made him  abruptly look to the side. It was Jaehyuk. Asahi let out a relieved sigh when he saw it was  just him.

“Did I scare you?” Jaehyuk asked as he boarded the car.

“Yep.” Asahi muttered and looked back forward.

“Sorry I guess.” Jaehyuk said.

Asahi looked at the bag in his hand with curiosity. 

“What’s that?” He asked.

“beer.”

“Thank god.” Asahi muttered.

He started driving and none of them said anything to each other. It was so comforting, Jaehyuk being there was enough for him.  On the other hand , Jaehyuk was staring out of his window  awkwardly waiting for him to say something.

“You sounded upset on the phone.” Jaehyuk said.

“Did I?” Asahi asked. Jaehyuk knew he was  just playing around. He could tell that he was trying to walk around the question instead of actually answering it. 

“Were you upset?” He asked. For some reason, he felt a strange curiosity towards that subject.

“You can say that.” Asahi  lightly chuckled.

“What was the problem?”

“Why do you want to know so much?” Asahi  briefly side eyed him. Jaehyuk  just shrugged. Asahi shook his head and looked forward.

“Well….I  was upset because everyone hates me.” He said in a monotone voice. Jaehyuk heard the sarcasm in his voice. It was right as rain.

“Are you being serious?” 

“yep.”

“Why does everyone hate you? I’m sure they don’t.” Jaehyuk asked. Asahi sighed and kept on looking forward as Jaehyuk stared at him.

“They hate something about me….that I can’t change. It makes them hate me.” Asahi muttered.

“What do they hate about you?” Jaehyuk asked him. Asahi  lightly chuckled and shook his head. Jaehyuk didn’t understand why he was being so sarcastic about it.

“Then you’ll hate me too.” He said  quietly with his heart weighing down to his stomach. Jaehyuk  was confused . What was the thing about him that was so detestable. 

“I won’t hate you.” Jaehyuk said  cluelessly . Asahi chuckled. Again, Jaehyuk didn’t understand why he was laughing. He stared at the dimple in his cheek with a smile.

“No….you’ll _hate_ me.” Asahi said like he was so sure about it.

“Is it a bad thing?”

“nope. Not at all. I hated myself for it for a long time. But now….I’m fine with it.” He said.

“Then I won’t hate you.” he muttered. Asahi was a little surprised when he heard something reassuring in his voice.

“Can you park there. I want to drink.” Jaehyuk said, pointing at a spot. Asahi pulled over there and stopped.

They went to the back seat and leaned back on the seats. None of them were drinking yet. They were  just sitting there with each other, staring at the ceiling of the car. Jaehyuk was getting more and more impatient. Asahi was  just fine with it.

“Can I drink now?” He asked him still staring up.

“Don’t be so boring. Talk to me.” Asahi said.

“What do you want to talk about?” Jaehyuk asked  boredly .

“Anything.”

They sat up and looked at each other with blank expressions.

“I like your hair.” Jaehyuk said and extended a hesitant hand to his hair. Asahi’s eyes widened and he felt his face heat up. Jaehyuk didn’t know what he was doing but he enjoyed it. He  slowly stroked his hair, Asahi shrunk under his touch.

As Jaehyuk was stroking his hair, he pushed a strand of hair behind his ear.  Asahi’s heart skipped a few beats and the butterflies in his stomach spiralled out of control due to Jaehyuk’s hand being so close to his face . Jaehyuk’s hand stopped and he looked at Asahi’s eyes.

They held eye contact for what felt like forever when it was only a few seconds. Jaehyuk’s hand  slowly cupped Asahi’s cheek. Asahi sucked in a breath, if the atmosphere was lighter Jaehyuk would’ve seen his bright red face.

Jaehyuk’s eyes fluttered down to Asahi’s lips as he got closer. Asahi’s eyes  slowly closed and followed his lead. Jaehyuk’s heart was hammering in his chest. Asahi felt the electricity that flew his body whenever Jaehyuk touched him.

He got closer, seconds felt like hours.

Closer. Their lips were only centimetres apart.

closer. Asahi always wondered what his soft lips felt like, he couldn’t wait anymore.

_And closer._


	39. chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear yall cyber bullied me into this 🤬😩🔫
> 
> song of the chapter: after dark by mr. kitty

Something went off when Jaehyuk couldn’t get any closer.

It felt like as if time stopped when his lips pressed against Asahi’s  insanely soft lips.

Asahi’s eyes widened and a jolt of electricity hit his body. The butterflies in his stomach went crazy. It didn’t take him long before closing his eyes and grabbing both sides of his face. A wave of obsession crashed over him. It felt like an addiction. Once Jaehyuk's lips met his, he never wanted to detach from him. 

Jaehyuk had no idea what he was doing. He didn’t know where that courage came from. All he knew is that he didn’t want to stop. He moved his lips against Asahi’s  slowly . It drove him insane. Asahi pushed him closer making him grunt. The heat that traveled to his face made him afraid Jaehyuk felt it on him too. He wanted to hold onto him and never let go.

They didn’t know why it felt so surreal yet natural. their noses  softly brushed against each other as Asahi tilted his head to the other side. Asahi’s hand slid to the back of Jaehyuk’s head, making the shivers run down Jaehyuk’s spine.  He put a hand on Asahi’s chest, feeling his racing heartbeat against his hand as he pushed him on the armrest of the car door . 

Asahi’s hummed into the kiss as his back hit the armrest. A weird feeling of desire churned in Jaehyuk’s stomach. They took a moment to detach and catch their breaths. They stared into each other’s eyes as they panted for air. Asahi felt the insecurity take control of his emotions again. He looked down and sighed. 

“Do it.” A voice in his head said. That’s exactly what he wanted to hear.

He grabbed the back of Jaehyuk’s head again and pressed his lips hard against his. Jaehyuk closed his eyes and indulged himself into the kiss. He wanted to make the most of every moment.

Two loud knocks on the window behind Jaehyuk  abruptly ended their kiss. Jaehyuk looked back to find a person standing outside of the window. A pang hit Asahi’s heart when he saw someone outside. He sighed and buried his face in his hands in regret. 

“I’m an idiot.” He thought to himself.

“You can’t park here.” The guy outside the car said. His voice came out muffled since he was out of the car. Once he saw that they understood, he left.

Asahi let out an exasperated sigh as Jaehyuk  slowly got off of him. He couldn’t believe what he  just did. He felt so stupid. Asahi  quickly sat up, avoiding eye contact. He couldn’t bear to look him in the face. He rolled his eyes and went back to the driver’s seat.

Jaehyuk’s eyes trailed him as he left. His face twisted in regret as he watched him. Asahi didn’t look back.

“Come on. We need to go.” Asahi muttered. Jaehyuk hopped back to the front seat and kept his eyes  strictly forward.  Fortunately for him, Asahi didn’t look at him either.

He started driving with his mood completely different than how he felt when he picked Jaehyuk up. The city lost its exciting lights. It felt more depressing. Not that they didn’t enjoy the kiss. Their consciousness and anxiety ate them up inside. Asahi’s heart rate started to go back to normal. Finally. He thought he would be forever damned with the memory. 

A feeling of regret dominated Jaehyuk’s mind. He saw Asahi’s reaction, and it looked like he regretted it as well. He couldn’t help but feel angry at himself. The view from the window was more boring with his mood. He side eyed Asahi to see him staring down at the road with a blank expression. He looked back to the window and sighed.

It didn’t make sense, he didn’t know why he did that. At that moment, it was  just him and Asahi. He didn’t want anything but him. It felt weird because he hasn’t  really seen Asahi in that light before. The silence in the car was deafening. He couldn’t take another second of it.

“so….I  really need to find a job.” He muttered in hopes of starting a conversation.

“Then get one.” Asahi said in a monotone voice, keeping his eyes forward.

“Where do you think I should work?” Jaehyuk asked. Asahi didn’t sound too excited about the topic. Or talking with him in general.

“It’s up to you.” He muttered again. Jaehyuk slouched in his seat and sighed.

“What do _you_ think?” He asked again.

“I don’t know.  Maybe you could work in a café or something.” He shrugged with a bored look.

“I don’t know how to make coffee.” Jaehyuk said.

“You can  just serve it.” Asahi responded.

“That would be a good idea.” He said with his brows raised. “Do you know any good cafés?”

“Shit, Jaehyuk. Figure that out yourself.” He scoffed.

“Sorry.” He muttered.

Asahi felt instant regret once these words came out of his mouth. He let go of a deep breath and rolled his eyes. Jaehyuk side eyed him, noticing the expression.

“You know. I-i didn’t mean to do it.” Jaehyuk said, he had to bring it up sooner or later.

“It’s fine. It was a mistake.” Asahi muttered. These words replayed in Jaehyuk’s head nonstop. His heart fell deep into his stomach as these words circled his mind. He looked down with a blank expression. He didn’t want to feel hurt.

“Yeah um…you’re right.” He shook his head. “You know…I  just wanted to try.”

Asahi’s attention was immediately caught when Jaehyuk said that. He felt a deep weighing in his heart. his expression fell as his grip on the steering wheel loosened.

“And I’m sure you wanted to try too.” Jaehyuk  awkwardly chuckled, trying to sound normal.  Asahi clenched his jaw and gripped the steering wheel harder making his knuckles go white .

“How was it?” Asahi said with his lip  slightly curled up. He tried to use his blank expression to hide his anger but he felt his mask  slowly start to fall off.

“I don’t know.” Jaehyuk shrugged and looked at his window. The kiss felt good.  Really good. But he couldn’t admit that.

Asahi  quietly scoffed and glared down at the road with his heavy heart.

“I fucking knew it.” He thought.

“I meant nothing.”

_“I was just an experiment.”_


	40. chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i tried to shift yesterday and it felt like i was meeting jesus and his crew fr 🏃♀️😭
> 
> song of the chapter: don't call me crazy by ashlee
> 
> pls listen to it it fits so well with the chapter dfjkskdjf

Asahi drove through the city, trying to contain his anger. His hand gripped the steering wheel so hard it made his knuckles go white. He wanted to  just cry in frustration but he knew he couldn’t do that.

Jaehyuk rested his head against the window, recalling the kiss. He still felt Asahi’s lips on his. He wanted to kiss him again. But he’ll  really ruin it if he did. The tension in the car was so dense they felt it in the air. Asahi wanted to get out as soon as possible. 

“What happened at the place you were in?” Jaehyuk asked, he couldn’t take another second of silence.

“Why do you wanna know?” Asahi muttered.

“ Just asking.” Jaehyuk shrugged with a bored expression.

“I  was upset .” He sighed.

Jaehyuk slouched in his seat, thinking whether he should ask or not. Was the conversation even worth keeping up? It was too awkward to stay silent yet also too awkward to speak. Regret dominated  all of his emotions. He didn’t know what to do.

“Are you more upset now?” Jaehyuk asked  quietly and turned his head to him.

Asahi tensed up and clenched his jaw trying to look normal. He didn’t answer the question. He was  really upset. He felt used. Hurt. Played. betrayed. A lump formed in his throat. He couldn’t  possibly speak now. If he did. He’ll cry.

“I’m fine.” He choked out. 

He opened the door to his dorm. For another night, his roommate wasn’t there. He  was exhausted , his eyes were  barely open. There were no sleep in them.  Just being  emotionally drained. He took off his shoes as he stared into the void.

The first thing he thought about doing was getting his video camera. He walked to his desk and set up his camera. He dropped himself on his desk chair and stared at it  blankly . He  just turned from side to side in his chair as he looked down, he wasn’t ready to speak.

After a little while, he looked up at the camera.

“He kissed me.” He told the camera with a blank expression, the more he talked the more upset he looked.

“I know I’m supposed to be happy now….” He chuckled and looked down, the smile in his face  quickly dimmed down.

“I loved it. And I wanted more…..” He looked down, trying to keep himself from getting too upset.

“I  really liked it….he’s a good kisser.” A tired expression made its way to his face as he looked up at his camera. The butterflies spiralled in his stomach as he remembered the sensation of Jaehyuk’s lips on his. Which made him more angry.

“I’m such an idiot…..I don’t learn.” He shook his head.

“He said it was a mistake…..”

“He said he  just wanted to _try.”_ He felt the lump in his throat getting bigger as he said that and looked up at the camera. His voice got more choked. 

“I was  just another experiment for another straight guy.” He said, with his voice cracking as he spoke.

“Ugh this is so stupid.” He muttered and looked to the side trying not to cry.  Just the thought made him want to curl into a ball and die.

“I got played again.” He said  quietly and looked down, feeling the tears well up in his eyes. His vision  was blurred with tears. Pressure started to build up in his face making it go red. He felt more stupid for even crying.

“It’s even worse this time….I liked him.” The tears rolled down his cheeks.

“I liked him a lot.” He  quietly sobbed, feeling his shoulders shake.

“And I liked the kiss…..I liked it when he kissed me.”

“It makes it so much worse.” He let the tears fall down his tears without judgement. He embraced how he felt and quit trying to fight it.

“Not to mention that I went to my parents’ house. And everyone there called me a faggot...” He shook his head, his breath hitched in his throat as he took in a deep breath.

“I’m  honestly used to it at this point…” he sighed and played with the hem of his shirt.

“It  just still makes me angry. They try so hard to prove that I don’t like guys.” He muttered.

“I  just needed to get out of there….didn’t know I would get more upset if I did.” He chuckled  lightly and looked down.

“I was so angry…” He shook his head in regret with his lip  slightly curled up.

“Why did I even have any hope in the first place?” He said with another wave of tears washed over him. 

“He would never like me..” He sobbed.

“To everyone, I’m  just a dirty homo… he  probably thinks the same too.”

“I can never have any luck with anything. It’s so fucking shitty.” He said with his breath hitching in his throat.

“Why can’t I  just find anyone who actually fucking loves me?”

“Why can’t anyone look at like a damn normal person?” Tears fell down to his red cheeks. The warm dampness of the tears pressed against his cheeks.

“He’s the only person I dared to like in a  really long time.”

“He’s  just so…nice. And attractive, and fun, and comforting.” He sobbed.

“Why can’t he  just ….like me back.” He said  quietly .

“It’ll  probably end up like always. He says he’s only interested in girls and he leaves me heartbroken.”

“Then he's in a relationship with the ideal girl who’s  apparently way better than me. And she  apparently gave him more love than I did."

“Why do I like him so much?” He looked at the camera,  subconsciously waiting for an answer.

“I  just wish I can live  happily with myself.  Maybe with someone else too.”

“The problem is…I want him with me. Whenever I’m upset I  just want him there.”

“I want to kiss him again.”

“I want to feel the warmth he gave me.”

“I want to love him.”

_“But he doesn’t love me.”_


	41. chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song of the chapter: clyde by tanerelle

The silver box of cigarette laid on the top of his shelf and he didn’t hesitate to grab it. His black lighter was laying on his desk, he took it in one hand and the cigarette box in the other. The video camera was still rolling, he glanced up at it as he propped a cigarette between his lips. A blank expression covered his face. It felt awkward. For some reason, he felt like someone would go and watch his video diary.

He lit the cigarette, watching the flames  slowly eat it down. Smoke cascaded from the tip of it. He took in a pull of smoke, feeling it circle in his lungs. Then blew it out in front of him after a few seconds. He felt relieved, but the agonising weight still strained at his heart.

“I know.” He told his camera. His tears have matted down on his face since he didn’t bother to wipe them. Feeling more and more pathetic by the second. Missing Jaehyuk was the worst part of it. He didn’t know whether to hate him or not. 

“I should quit.” He said, holding the cigarette between his middle and index finger. He always thought that whenever he smoked. Yet whenever he felt upset, it was the only thing he resorted to.

“Once I find something that makes me feel better than smoking, I’ll quit.” He held the top of his nose bridge between his thumb and index finger, massaging it. His head was throbbing, with pain spreading through it with every throb. His face fell into a grimace as he leaned his head back against his desk chair. His roommate wasn’t back yet. He didn’t know if he should’ve felt worried. 

“I  was hurt because I thought he was the one for me. I’m such an idiot. Where did that thought even come from?” When the weight in his heart got heavier as he said that, he inhaled another round of smoke into his lungs. He didn’t know who he should be mad at. Him or Jaehyuk.

“I  just want to beat myself up for ever letting myself think that, even if it was only for a little bit.” He blew out the smoke and slouched in his seat. Recalling the moments from the car. His heart plunged into his stomach. He felt hurt. Angry. Frustrated.

“ Maybe I’m  just not meant to  be loved .” He shrugged. As much as it pained him to say it, he wanted to be honest with himself. No one in his life that he’s been with has never actually loved him. He was  just some sort of phase to them.  Just another person to experiment with.

“I forgot to go back home.” He sighed. He was so caught up in the moment he didn’t realise he forgot to go back. 

His phone was in his pocket, he took it out and called his mom. The ringing didn’t go for long. She picked up as soon as he called.

“Hey mom.”  He muttered into the phone, watching the cigarette getting shorter and shorter due to the bright flame . “Are they gone?”

“Yeah…they left.” She answered.

“Alright, I’m on my way.”

Jaehyuk laid in his bed, staring up at the ceiling with a million thoughts running through his head. Hyunsuk was asleep in his bed and the room was dark. Jaehyuk  on the other hand , couldn’t sleep no matter how much he wanted to. Everything was keeping him awake. Including Asahi.

He heard and felt everything. The buzzing air conditioner. The wind outside of his dorm. The cold pressing against his skin. His hair against his forehead. Everything. He laid a hesitant finger on his lips, recalling the kiss he shared with Asahi. Butterflies struck his stomach when he remembered. The memory of Asahi’s soft lips bombarded his mind. 

Heat climbed up his neck to his face. Though he couldn’t see himself, he knew his face  was flushed . Which confused him more. Why was he having such a reaction towards Asahi? The boy he used to hate the sight of. The same boy who hated his guts.

Now the sight of him brought butterflies to his stomach. It made him smile. His dimples somehow made their way to his mind. A foolish smile surfaced his face. He immediately dimmed his smile down when he noticed it. Asahi never used to smile around him.

“Why did I kiss him?” He thought to himself with his brows furrowed in confusion.

“What came over me?” It still frustrated him. How rash he was.

“Did I like it?” He thought. It was an answer he wasn’t sure he wanted to answer. Any answer he would give would make him more confused. He  just wanted to leave it how it was but his curiosity never let him. 

“His lips were so soft…..and they felt  really good on mine. Does that mean I liked it?” He knew the answer to that. It  just felt right to deny it. He couldn’t believe that he felt something towards Asahi. It was so new to him and he didn’t know how to act or think.

“He was a good kisser and I don’t think I felt…..that appreciated in a long time.” When it came up in his mind, it made him ponder on the thought. When was the last time he ever kissed someone like that? That kiss didn’t feel like any of the few kisses he had. It felt real. It felt more passionate. More intimate.

“Why did Asahi kiss me back? I thought he would punch me or something.” He found himself chuckling  lightly at the thought. It was ironic.

“He never liked anyone touching him. I noticed that. Whenever I would  slightly touch him, he’d get tense.” Recalling those moments made the kiss more confusing.

“He cries a lot too.” Why? Jaehyuk thought that he might  just be sensitive. But it didn’t make sense. Asahi always wore a blank look on his face. It didn’t look like he would  be fazed by anything.

“He’s shorter than me. Having my arms around him felt right. I don’t know….”

“I want to kiss him again….. just to make sure.”

_“Is what I’m feeling real?”_


	42. chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i couldn't update yesterday lol
> 
> song of the chapter: worst by always never

Asahi got up from his seat with a sigh and walked up to his wardrobe. He stuffed some clothes he found without trying to look too hard into a bag. Not even bothering about folding them. He huffed out a breath and stopped to figure out what he was doing. His heart still felt heavy. But so did everything else. It felt like he was sinking in the memory. Jaehyuk was still circling his mind nonstop. 

He went back to packing some things. Pacing around the room to check if he wanted anything else with him. The room was still as dark as ever. Not that it bothered him. It  just got old. Faint street lights from outside made some balance with the darkness. But it wasn’t enough. His mood was still at its lowest and the first thing he wanted to do was get out.

Silver on the cigarette box shined against the faint light as he was walking, reminding him to take it. He snatched the box off the table and the lighter with no hesitance at all. Not even trying to fight the urge anymore. He gave in.

He walked out the door and into the hallways. Hallways were  brightly lit with light.  Maybe too much light. Asahi’s head was throbbing with pain, it made him grimace as he walked. He figured his head would start hurting soon. He was crying for an hour, it was bound to happen. 

It was so quiet, his footsteps felt prominent in his ears. The way the soles of his shoes pressed against the short brittle carpet. He felt it all. He wanted to go numb. His expression remained blank with millions of emotions behind it.  Just like always. It protected him.

And of course, he made the mistake of dropping that blank mask in front of Jaehyuk. And he got hurt. He felt stupid. So gullible. But he  was done and tired with feeling like an idiot. So he  just wanted to run away from it all. 

His car  was parked near the dorm building. He sat in the driver’s seat and started up the car. The car engine turned on making the car  lightly vibrate. He pressed his foot on the gas.

Driving through the city wasn’t as glamorous. Being this upset annoyed him. Whenever he looked back at the backseat or the front seat his heart would leap. Having so much emotion towards the situation wasn’t so new to him. It happened before. More than once. That’s what pissed him off. He fell for it again.

He walked into the very empty house, looking around for someone. It wasn’t as lively as it was when he was there before. It wasn’t lively to say the least.  Just had some people there. That  obviously didn’t want to be there.

“Mom?” He called out. When he called out, he heard footsteps against the wooden floorboards. He let out a breath and dropped his things on the sofa and opened the lights. 

His mom walked up from behind him as he turned around to her and hugged her. A warm embrace was all he needed. For some reason, the image of Jaehyuk’s arms around him popped up in his head. It felt so real, he almost smelled his perfume. His eyes flew open and he detached from his mother's embrace.

“How are you? You look tired.” She said with a faint smile.

“I  just need some rest. That’s all.” He said with a light chuckle.

At the corner of his eyes, he saw someone come out of a door behind his mom. His eyes turned to it and found his younger brother coming out of his room. He ignored him and walked to the kitchen. Asahi scoffed at his disrespect and shook his head.

Asahi walked to his room and took his things with him.  His mom followed him in the room and leaned against the doorframe with her arms crossed, watching him scatter his things . He felt her eyes on him burning holes. He turned his head to her with a confused expression.

“You know you need to fold your clothes in the wardrobe right?” She said. He sat down on the floor and sighed as he took some clothes out of his bag to fold them. She came to sit with him on the floor to help him fold. He looked up at her but she kept on folding. He looked down and folded his clothes as well.

“You don’t have to do that.” He muttered.

“It’s fine.” She said and continued folding. “By the way…are you okay?”

He looked up at her and asked “what do you mean?”

“You know…after what happened at dinner.” She said, not looking at him.

He looked back down and  lightly chuckled. Ironic.

“Yep I’m fine.” He played off.

“ Really ?” She asked with concern laced into her voice.

“Yeah.” He sighed.

“You looked pretty upset.” She muttered.

“I  _was_ upset .” He said.

“I’m sorry.” She said  quietly as she folded. Asahi looked up at her for a brief moment then looked back down.

“Don’t be sorry. It’s their fault.” He muttered back.

“I shouldn’t of invited them.” She shook her head.

“mom…” he said. That question always ate at him and he finally wanted to ask him. She looked up at him, waiting for him to say something.

“Do you think like them?” He asked  hesitantly .

“What do you mean?” She asked in confusion.

“Do you think i’m disgusting?” He said.

“Of course not.” She said with a reassuring look on her face. “I love you the way you are.”

“Don’t you ever wish you had a son….that wasn’t like me?” He kept on asking these questions  just to feel sure and secure with himself but it never worked.

“No. What makes you think that?”

“I don’t know. I guess everyone  just hates me and I figured you hated me too.” He shrugged.

“I could never hate you. You’re my son.” she said. They were almost finished with folding the clothes.  Neatly stacked over each other in front of them in order.

His mom left after a while and he stayed in his balcony staring over at the trees in his backyard. It felt  strangely comfortable. Being on his own wasn’t so bad. He took a deep breath in and let it out. He rested his arms in the railing of his balcony.

The lonely company he had  was replaced by the company fo his brother. He turned his head to him as he walked to the balcony and stood beside him. Asahi turned his head back without saying a word.

“Do you have a cigarette?” He asked  hesitantly . Asahi turned his head to him with his brows furrowed and his top lip curled up. Hiroshi  quickly side eyed him  awkwardly then looked back forward. Asahi scoffed and shook his head.

“If I ever see you smoking, I’ll cut your head off.” He threatened. The cigarette box was in his pocket. Hiroshi must’ve noticed.

“That’s not fair!” Hiroshi whined making Asahi roll his eyes. “How come _you_ get to smoke?”

“Because I’m an adult and I can do whatever I want.” He muttered.

“I’m old enough, why can’t I smoke?” He said, balling his hands into fists.

“You’re _15.”_ Asahi turned his head to him and said in disbelief. “Now go before I tell mom.”

Hiroshi stomped out of his room and slammed the door after him. Asahi  lightly chuckled and took the cigarette box out of his pocket. Watching the silver covering shine under the pale moonlight.

Then he remembered Jaehyuk’s talk about cigarettes. He brushed his thumb over the box.

“Smoking is bad for you, you know.” He remembered Jaehyuk saying to him.

“I can tell you’re smoking.” He remembered.

“How?” Asahi chuckled at that time.

“I can hear you.” Jaehyuk said.

He took a cigarette out of the box and put it between his lips as he lit a small dancing flame from the lighter.

Jaehyuk heard him at that time,

But now he couldn’t see him.

_“If only you were here.”_ He muttered into the void as he blew out the smoke.


	43. chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this was late, i had to deal with some 🥰problems🥰
> 
> song of the chapter: lowlife by poppy

It’s been a week. An entire week where Asahi didn’t even look in Jaehyuk’s eyes. He’s been ignoring him. Whenever they’d pass by each other, Asahi would  just keep on walking. Whenever Jaehyuk would stop him to speak with him, he’d say he had classes and immediately leaves. It made Jaehyuk frustrated and desperate. he  desperately wants so talk to him but Asahi wants nothing to do with him.

Now the reality has finally dawned on him. He ruined it. He wrecked their friendship. Their close,  strangely intimate friendship. It made his mind run a nonstop marathon. Thoughts of the situation were always circling his mind. Images of Asahi always  randomly popped up in his head. 

It made it more frustrating whenever he went to class. His face would go red in the middle of the lecture hall when a picture of Asahi comes up in his head. Even though no one was looking at him, it made things hard.

Jaehyuk knew he messed up. But what part was Asahi mad about? The kiss? Did he say something? Did he piss him off? Or was it  just his mood? To be frank, Jaehyuk wouldn’t blame him if he was mad about  all of it. He  just wanted to know what he did. Because  surprisingly for him, he  really missed Asahi.

He was sitting down at a diner in a table on his own. The sun has been up for only a few hours. He figured going to get breakfast at a diner would brighten up his mood. But he  just sat there with his elbow propped on the table so he could rest his hand on his fist. He stared into the void as he thought about Asahi.

A waitress walked up to his table with a notepad in hand. She wore the yellow diners uniform and put her highlighted hair up in a ponytail as she chewed on a piece of gum. Jaehyuk side-eyed her and looked back forward to dwell in his thoughts. She looked up at him with a smile, but he didn’t turn her eyes to her.

“Are you ready to order?” She asked with a chirpy voice.

“Do you guys serve hot chocolate?” He muttered as he looked forward.

“Yes we do.” She answered with a nod.

“I’ll  just have a hot chocolate please.” He said. She clicked her pen open and flipped through the pages of her notepad.

“So how are we doing today?” She asked as she scratched her pen on the paper to write his order. He looked at her for a brief moment and looked forward.

He wasn’t doing good.

Not at all.

“Good.” He  just said.

“Awesome! Your order shouldn’t take too long.” She said before she left and gave the notepad she wrote his order in to another employee. He let out a sigh and and crossed his arms. He didn’t want to think about it for too long but he couldn’t bring himself to. 

He felt so dumb. It had to be something he did. Or  maybe Asahi  just felt awkward after the kiss.  Maybe he felt embarrassed because he kissed Jaehyuk back.  Jaehyuk wanted to tell him that he liked it and that he shouldn’t worry, but he would never admit that to anyone, let alone Asahi . He  just wanted things to be fine between them so they could talk and have fun again.

When the memories of the kiss entered his head, he almost felt the sensation of Asahi’s lips onto his. The heat crawled up his neck to go to his face. Once he felt the heat press on his cheeks, he snapped out of it. He shook his head and rolled his eyes. It was so ridiculous at this point. 

“Jaehyuk?” Someone said to him.

His eyes looked up in slight surprise at the mention of his name.  He spotted someone  really familiar walking up to his table with a surprised expression . Once he saw his face more  clearly , he immediately recognised him. A smile decorated Jaehyuk’s face when he saw his friend Sungho sit in front of him.

“Oh my god. hi. I haven’t seen you in _such_ a long time.” Jaehyuk mused. Sungo chuckled and put his arms on the table.

“So how are you doing?” Sungho asked. Jaehyuk  lightly chuckled and shook his head.

“To be honest, I’m not doing that well.” Jaehyuk said. He wanted to take back what he said. He didn’t want to remember the situation he was in, let alone talk about it to others. He sighed and looked to the other side.

“Why? What’s wrong?” Sungho asked him with a concerned look on his face. Jaehyuk gave him a strained smile and looked down.

“You know what, it doesn’t matter.” He shook his head. “How are _you_ doing?”

“well….I’m a med student now.” He said, it was like he was trying to find something good for the sake of the conversation. Jaehyuk understood that feeling all too well. it was so comforting to have someone understand how it felt like. But there was another person that understood how it felt like. Asahi. 

“Wow.”  Jaehyuk said with his brows raised, trying to engage with the conversation to forget about his previous thoughts . “And how’s that going?”

“Not so good,  honestly .” Sungho chuckled and slouched in his seat.

“Damn, I can understand how that feels.” Jaehyuk said as he rubbed his eyes  tiredly . “What’s wrong?” 

“I’ve been getting a lot of tests. And it’s so stressful since it’s the second year.” He said with a tired face.

“Have you ever thought about going to study groups for the subjects you’re struggling with?” Jaehyuk suggested.

“I thought about it…but I was too busy.” He sighed. 

“Are you sleeping well?” Jaehyuk asked. He took in a deep breath when he remembered. He used to always ask Asahi the same question. Everything reminded him of Asahi, it made Jaehyuk miss him more.

“nope.” Sungho muttered. “I was thinking about seeing a doctor.”

“You should.”

“I should get some sleeping pills, I  really need to get some sleep.”

“My friend Asahi takes sleeping pills.” Once these words left his mouth, Jaehyuk shut his eyes closed and sucked in a breath in regret.

“Wait, that name sounds familiar.” Sungho said with his brows furrowed, the sudden reaction made Jaehyuk curious. “What’s his full name?”

“Hamada Asahi.” Jaehyuk answered. “Do you know him?”

“Yeah I do.” Sungho said with his eyes  slightly widened.

_“I know someone that used to go to high school with him.”_


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was so emotional for me to write sdhfjhsdkjfhskjdfk 😔✌️
> 
> song of the chapter: won't by tanerelle

“I know someone who used to go to high school with him.”

Jaehyuk’s attention  was caught , but he didn’t seem too interested, he looked down and sighed. He was hoping Sungho knew something more about Asahi. Because now that he thought about it, he knew nothing about Asahi’s past.

“ Really ?” He said, trying to sound interested.

“Are you sure he’s someone you want to be friends with?” Sungho asked with a skeptical look on his face. The look he held on his face triggered Jaehyuk’s curiosity. He  slightly tilted his head to the side and furrowed his brows.

“Yeah.” Jaehyuk  simply answered. “Why?”

“well….” Sungho tried to say.  It looked like it was something difficult for him to say, making Jaehyuk more and more curious as his silence stretched . “Didn’t he tell you?”

“Tell me what?” Jaehyuk asked. Sungho gave a slow nod, as If he was saying I knew it. Jaehyuk’s face fell into a curious grimace. “What do you mean?”

“He didn’t tell you, didn’t he.” Sungho muttered. Jaehyuk grew more impatient. It felt like Sungho was dragging it. He wanted to know what was so bad about Asahi that he shouldn’t be friends with him for.

“ Just tell me.” Jaehyuk said  impatiently . Sungho adjusted his position in the seat and cleared his throat. Jaehyuk leaned back in his seat and waited for him to say something. 

“He’s gay.” Sungho finally said.

Jaehyuk  was taken back by surprise. His eyes  slightly widened and his attention was  fully caught. Sungho looked to the side, trying to avoid Jaehyuk’s piercing gaze. skepticism finally made its way to his thoughts. He crossed his arms in front of him and slouched in his seat.

“How do _you_ know?” Jaehyuk asked with his eyes in a slight squint.

“ Apparently someone said he saw him and another guy together.” He said.

“So? It could  just be a rumour.” Jaehyuk muttered. He hated the sound of others making up rumours about Asahi so he  just wanted to make sure. Asahi once talked about a rumour to him, what Sungho was talking about could  just be it.

“It’s wasn’t a rumour. The guy said it was true. He tried to play it off by saying he  just wanted to try and that he never liked him.” Sungho explained. “He moved out of the school a month later.”

Jaehyuk’s eyes widened and he felt his heart stop in his chest. Guilt and realisation came rushing to him. 

And that’s when it clicked.

“You know…I  just wanted to try.” He remembered himself saying. He remembered Asahi’s expression falling when he said that. 

_That’s what he did wrong._

“And what did Asahi do?” Jaehyuk asked with his heart weighing down. He felt so stupid and insensitive. The guilt and disappointment became more evident on his face. 

“He stayed in the school,  apparently the students there didn’t make it easy for him.” He said. Sungho caught on to his sulking expression and a little bit of curiosity came to him.

“why?” Jaehyuk asked with his brows furrowed in confused frustration.

“I mean…” Sungho tried to say. Why did it sound like he was trying to justify it? Jaehyuk couldn’t believe what he was hearing from a friend he knew for so long. It disappointed him to no end.

Jaehyuk scoffed and looked to the side.

The waitress that took his order came to his table with a paper latte cup. They both looked up at her once she came. It felt like a break from their awkward silence. She glanced at both of them  awkwardly . They  abruptly moved their eyes away and looked down at the table instead.

He took the cup and held it with both hands. Feeling the warmth of it spread to his cold hands. Calmness spread to him from the comfortable warmth. The calmness didn’t last long when he noticed Sungho looking at him.

“Who saw them?” Jaehyuk asked, holding onto the warm cup with a hardening grip. He  just wanted to take revenge for him for some reason. What they did to him was horrible.

“My friend said it was one of his friends.” Sungho said. Jaehyuk’s eyes widened and he gaped in disbelief.

“That’s so fucked up.” Jaehyuk said with a grimace. “What did Asahi do about it?”

“They had a fight at the school and Asahi broke his nose.”

“You should be careful around him.” Sungho said like it was a warning.

“Why?” Jaehyuk asked as he looked at him with a glare, taking offence to what he said.

“….I wouldn’t want to be around him…so I thought you wouldn’t want to too.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked in offence as he put down his cup on the table. Sungho felt himself shrink under his glare, it felt intimidating.

“He’s gay… It would be weird and awkward.” He excused  quietly . What a hell of an excuse.

“Look, Asahi’s my friend.” He said as he  abruptly stood up.

“I don’t give a fuck if he’s gay or not.”

Jaehyuk grabbed his bag and hot chocolate and walked out of the store. Sungho’s eyes trailed him as he left with surprise and confusion. The door jingled when Jaehyuk pulled it open. And the bells hanging on top of it Jingled when it closed.

The anger he felt was something that was still confined within his body. He was mad at himself and at Sungho. it was so awful that people  were judged and not aloud a normal life  just for loving another person. Anger ate him up inside as he walked on the sidewalk with a fast pace.

Asahi was a good person. And Jaehyuk loved that about him. He wasn’t like the other bastards poisoning the world. He understood Jaehyuk and Jaehyuk understood him. For the first time in forever, it felt like they were the only people that understood each other.

Now everything started to make sense.

“Do I  really tell you that much?” Asahi told him once. It made sense, he couldn’t trust anyone anymore.

“They hate something about me that I can’t change.” Asahi said once.

“Then you’ll hate me too.” Asahi told him when Jaehyuk asked about what people hated him for.

“How was it?” Jaehyuk remembered seeing the rage behind his blank face.

_“I wish you could see yourself the way I see you...”_ Jaehyuk  desperately wanted to tell him.


	45. chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this on a school night....pray for me 😔
> 
> song of the chapter: focus on me by jus2

Jaehyuk walked through the city trying to catch a bus stop. The traffic gave him some sort of prosperity, something to distract him. And it didn’t fail to do so. People were rushing. It was about time for rush hour. Cars were honking and traffic went by really slowly. Kind of made Jaehyuk grimace, he needed to catch a bus quickly and get to class. He didn’t know about the odds now. He would be lucky enough to even make it to class. Even if he was late. He spent most of his time in the diner arguing rather than actually eating. He ended up drinking only half of his hot chocolate before throwing it away.

A cool gush of wind pressed against his skin as he heard the rustling of the trees. His hair flowed with the wind, pushing it back. He still felt so stupid. The weighing in his heart didn’t go away. No matter how much he tried to distract his mind. But it also made him feel guilty. He felt like he deserved to feel upset and guilty. But he couldn’t bare to keep the self hatred in his heart.

The city was as filled with people as it could get. He let out a deep breath and stuffed his hands in the pockets of his long beige jacket. it became more and more familiar as he continued walking. Like he’s been in that part of the city before. And not  just at anytime. It felt like something he wanted to remember.

He slowed down his pace and a questioning look came to his face. When has he been here before? The other stores looked familiar. The cafes. The restaurants. The shops. He quickened his pace back to normal and kept on walking. The more he walked, the more familiar it got. It felt weird. He thought he might’ve just been exhausted. Given that he didn’t get as much sleep as he wanted to study. He kept on walking, it felt aimless at that point.

Until a familiar looking store came into view. The name of it was at the tip of his tongue. But it never came to him. He walked quicker to get there with his brows furrowed. A sign and an ancient looking decor made something click in his brain.

It was the witch Store Asahi worked at. He took in a deep breath as the weight in his chest got heavier. He hoped Asahi was there but at the same time he didn’t. Of course he wanted to confront him but he didn’t know what his reaction might be. A loud voice in his head told him that he deserved his anger. And another voice said he deserved to  be forgiven . He didn’t know what voice he should’ve listened to. they didn’t give him the chance. They were overlapping each other, getting louder.

He knew that things happens between friends and they could  be resolved . But Asahi wasn’t  just a friend to him. It was more complicated than that. The thought of losing him was overwhelming. He pushed the door open with the wooden knob, making the bells jingle.

Jaehyuk looked around at the store and let his eyes roam around it again. The nice lady at the counter was still there. She dusted some things on the many wooden shelves, she stood on the tip of her toes to reach the top. When she heard the bells jingle, she looked back at him and smiled. He gave her a hesitant smile back and walked up to the counter where she stood. 

“Welcome, can I help you with anything?” She said with a smile. He looked down and put his hand on the back of his neck.

“Yeah, I’m actually uh…here for a tarot reading.” He said. She walked away from the counter.

“Sure! Right this way.” She told him and lead the way to a room.

His heart hammered against his chest as he got closer to the room. He licked his bottom lip and flexed his hands. Once the door was facing him  directly , he took a deep breath in. The lady left and he was there, busy mustering up the courage to enter the room.

His hand  slowly turned the knob, he had a concentrated face as he turned it. Finally, the door opened, he let go of his deep breath and walked in. Asahi was  randomly shuffling cards in boredom, he heard someone come in but he didn’t see who it was. Jaehyuk looked at him with his heart beating  rapidly .

“Hello-.” Asahi turned his head to him and said. He felt his heart stop in his chest when he saw who it was. A small cold shower went over him.

Asahi looked back and  hesitantly shuffled his cards again. Jaehyuk sat down on the chair facing Asahi and looked at him while he shuffled the cards. Asahi felt his eyes bruins holes through him.

Without looking up at him, he muttered “what are you doing here?”

“I’m here for a tarot reading.” Jaehyuk said  simply .

“Don’t you have a lecture now?” He asked. That's when Jaehyuk realised. He forgot all about it. He looked down and shook his head.

“No. I don’t.” He answered.

“alright.” Asahi grunted and looked up at him. “Choose a deck.”

Jaehyuk picked the deck on the right side and Asahi took it. He felt his hands  slightly shake while shuffled the cards, he cursed how nervous he got when he saw him. Jaehyuk watched him as he shuffled the cards.

“So. What do you need guidance on?” Asahi asked without looking at him.

“relationships.” Jaehyuk said  blatantly . Asahi looked up at him with his brows  slightly raised. He looked surprised and intrigued.

“What kind?” He muttered. He hated the feeling of disappointment in his heart. He  was meant to hate jaehyuk now. But he couldn’t find it in him to hate him.

“Romantic relationships.” He said. Asahi stopped shuffling when he felt a fire of jealousy light up as he heard him say that. He huffed a tired breath and continued shuffling the cards with a stern look on his face.

“Who’s the lucky girl.” Asahi muttered  sarcastically . Jaehyuk leaned back on his chair and crossed his arms. He wanted Asahi to look at him.

“No one.” Jaehyuk said. “I’m  just curious.”

Once the process started, a card dropped and Asahi picked it up. He eyed it and read the name.

“You have the sun.” Asahi said and put the card on the table for Jaehyuk to see. He saw a blazing sun on the top and an illustration of a white horse on the bottom.

“The sun and the white horse are symbols of positivity and purity. The sun is a good omen you may long for. It’s an  indication you’ll enjoy your love with that person. I sense that you’ll have a better look on life.” Asahi said. Jaehyuk heard the clear awkwardness in his voice. He felt heat crawl up to his face.

Another card fell from the deck and Asahi read it. He looked at it with a bored expression and put it on the table for Jaehyuk.

“You got the emperor.” He said.

“It’s the masculine counterpart of the empress and it indicates longevity. the person you’ll be in a relationship with will be your pillar, a person you can rely on. I have a feeling it’s a person that….a person that likes you back.” He said, not too sure about the last part. The jealousy in him ate him up inside.

Jaehyuk felt his cheeks already glow red, he hoped it was who he thought it was. He nodded  slowly and didn’t say a word. This reading was in no way interactive.

A card fell from the deck and Asahi looked at it with a surprised expression as his heart fluttered.

“You have the lovers. It’s a  really good card to have.”

“It represents a strong connection between your lover and it suggest a relationship based on mutual companionship .” He didn’t want to say the last part but he felt like he had to say it. It was something…important to know.

“And……I’m getting a feeling it a person……that’s from the same sex.”

Jaehyuk’s eyes darted up to him in surprise. Asahi looked up at his expression and rolled his eyes, the heat on his face was annoying him.

“What are you mad or something?” Asahi asked.

“No I’m fine with it…..I’m  just surprised.” Jaehyuk said.

Asahi also seemed to  be surprised at his response but he continued shuffling the cards.

“Ace of cups.” Asahi muttered with a tired sigh. He ran his hands through his hair and let out a sigh. The cards were beginning to get specific. His hammering heartbeat was prominent in his ears.

“Um  basically . It’s new beginnings. Indicates a youthful love. So that person….is your age. I have a feeling that person could….use your love too.” Asahi didn’t know how to feel now. It sounded like him but he didn’t want It to be him. He shouldn’t want to but he did. 

He wanted to stop this reading  entirely .

Jaehyuk looked down as a small smile surfaced his face. He looked up and lost the smile with a red face instead.

“Ace of cups. I like that card.”

_“Hm. Funny…..that person kinda sounds like you.”_ Jaehyuk said.


	46. chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my friends dared me to write hardcore smut 🤬❗️. my friends = fake
> 
> song of the chapter: sadderdaze by the neighbourhood

“That person kinda sounds like you.”

Asahi looked up at him with wide eyes, taken back by the statement. Jaehyuk didn’t feel like biting his tongue anymore. He knew he liked Asahi. He didn’t feel like trying to deny it anymore. The only thing that worried him was Asahi’s possible reaction to his words.

Asahi didn’t even look at him. He  just looked down and let out a tried breath. Jaehyuk was more or less confused by his reaction. His hands were fidgeting together under the table as he bit on his lip. It felt like  indirectly confessing.

“Don’t say things like that.”  Asahi sighed and put the deck of cards back on the table and  aimlessly shuffled through them with slow hands . He knew Jaehyuk was  just messing around. His emotion weren’t in the right position for that.

His heart weighed down while he shuffled through the cards. Jaehyuk watched him, still  anxiously waiting for him to say something else.

“Are you mad at me?” Jaehyuk asked, he needed to bring that up. Even if he didn’t want to. Asahi stopped shuffling the cards. Jaehyuk held his breath, taking that as a sign. Asahi later shook his head and shuffled the cards again.

“For what?” He asked.

“For what I said…” he answered. Asahi chuckled and shook his head, still looking down at his cards. Jaehyuk wanted him to look him in the eye. But he didn’t know if he could handle that. Deep dimples decorated his cheeks as he smiled making Jaehyuk’s heart skip a few beats he didn’t know the count of. If only Asahi knew the effect he had on him.

“I’m not mad at your corny jokes.” He snorted  lightly . Jaehyuk’s face twisted in confusion. Corny joke? His body loosened in realisation.

“That’s not what I mean.” Jaehyuk said. Asahi slowed down his shuffling and lost his smile, as if he  was worried . 

“Then what do you mean?” He asked, looking down at his  neatly stacked card he shuffled between his hands.

“You know…..what I said that night. When we….” He tried to say. It felt difficult to say, he  just couldn’t get it out of his tongue. Asahi sucked in a breath and clenched his jaw as he stared into the void.  All of the memories from that night made his expression dimmer.

“I can’t remember.” He played off.

“When I said I wanted to try.” Jaehyuk finally said. Asahi put his cards on the table and  slowly put his hands on his lap in fists. Jaehyuk noticed his tense expression. That’s when he knew his answer already.

“No. I wasn’t.” He answered  sternly without looking at him. Jaehyuk felt frustration eating at him. He didn’t know why he wanted Asahi to look at him so much. 

“But you should be.” Jaehyuk said.

“I said I wasn’t angry.” Asahi said with a stern tone, it left Jaehyuk dumbfounded.

“But after what you’ve been through…” Jaehyuk said, Asahi finally looked up at him with a cautious expression .

“What do you mean?” Asahi asked with his eyes  slightly widened. Jaehyuk saw the fear behind his eyes. Was he  really this afraid? He hated seeing him afraid.

“What happened at high school…” he answered  timidly .

A cold chill went through Asahi’s spine when he heard these words.  He looked away from Jaehyuk and fidgeted with his hands and Jaehyuk  just looked at him waiting for a response . 

“Who told you?” He muttered as he looked down.

“I…” he didn’t know what to say. What would he say. Asahi would feel more hated and betrayed than ever if he told him how he found out. And the last thing he needed was seeing him disappointed.

“How did you find out?” He asked again, keeping his head low. He was clenching his jaw as he played with the hem of his shirt. His anxiousness was through the roof.

“How do you know it’s true?” Asahi was bombarding him with question. If he was going to get hurt, he wanted it to be over quick.  Just the thought of Jaehyuk hating him hurt him enough, his heart was heavy while it beat  slowly . With every beat, the weight of his heart getting more painful.

“That’s why I’m asking.” Jaehyuk answered.  The sentence revised itself in his head, making him realise that he could’ve worded it  differently . But it was too late, he couldn’t take it back now. Asahi already heard it. His expression fell and he leaned back in his chair.

“Would it be so bad if it was true?” He said, coming out as a bit of a whisper. He knew how bad his sentence was now.

“Asahi…” he whispered with his face twisting in sympathy. Asahi looked up at him for a brief second then looked back down.

“ Just say it. You’re hoping it’s not true.” Asahi said.

“I’m not…I promise.” Jaehyuk knew no matter what he said, Asahi wouldn’t  be convinced . 

“Don’t Say that to me…” he said  sternly , Jaehyuk was a little taken back. 

“Why?” He asked in confusion.

“If you’re disappointed  just say it. Stop acting like that.”

“I’m _not_ disappointed.”

“Then what are you?” He asked  quickly .

“Why do you want me to hate you?” Jaehyuk asked in slight frustration.  All of that was confusing him. Asahi kept on looking down, he didn’t want to look up and burst  all of his emotions out. Especially not to Jaehyuk

“You make it hard to let you go.” He thought,  desperately wanting to say that to him. But he didn’t.

“Asahi look at me.” Jaehyuk said and leaned forward. Holding Asahi’s chin  gently to raise his head. Once their eyes connected, Jaehyuk saw everything behind them. He saw the fear, the anger, the disappointment. Jaehyuk got lost in his eyes. Asahi’s face was heating up the more he had to admire his features, he took a deep breath in.

“Let go.” He said through gritted teeth, not taking his eyes away from him even for a second.

“Sorry.” Jaehyuk  abruptly looked away when he realised and sat back in his chair.

“Is it true?” He asked.

“yes.” Asahi was sick of lying. And lying to Jaehyuk was worse. Jaehyuk didn’t know what to say, he  was left dumbfounded. With every second that passed by with the silence, Asahi began to get more and more insecure.

“Say something. You hate me don’t you.” He muttered.

“Asahi I don’t hate you.” Jaehyuk looked up and said.

“Well why don’t you?” Asahi finally looked him in the eye and asked. That question made Jaehyuk’s brows furrow. No matter what he did, it was impossible for him to hate Asahi.

“Everyone else hates me for it, why can’t you hate me too?” He asked again.

“I can’t.” Jaehyuk said with no words left to say.

“Do you pity me?” An expression of despise flashed over Asahi’s face and Jaehyuk didn’t miss it. That expression replayed over and over again in his head.

“I don’t. I don’t want to hate you.” He tried to say  clearly .

“I don’t need you to be nice to me.” Asahi shook his head.

“I accept you. Why is that so hard to believe?”

“Because I never heard these words from anyone!” Asahi  suddenly yelled. Jaehyuk was speechless, Asahi’s face twisted in anger. After the sudden outburst, the atmosphere fell into a deafening silence. Asahi sat back in his chair,  deeply regretting even saying anything.

“Why should  I believe you?” He muttered.

“Because-“ Jaehyuk cut himself off before he said too much. Asahi looked up at him with curiosity. “ I think you’re normal. I’m not mad or disappointed.”

“I can’t handle this.” Asahi sighed and got up from his chair to walk to the door.

“Asahi.” Jaehyuk called his name, provoking the butterflies in his stomach. Jaehyuk followed him and held his wrist  tightly before he got to the door. He turned him around,2 Asahi looked at him with a surprised face. Their  close proximity made their hearts beat  painfully fast.

“Wait.” Jaehyuk said breathlessly. Asahi glanced down at his wrist which was gripped tightly by Jaehyuk’s strong hand. He looked back up at him, lost.

He  slowly loosened his grip on his wrist. Until he completely let it go. Instead, his hands  slowly traveled to his delicate waist as he held both sides  gently . Asahi let out a small gasp as he  was pushed closer. The touch made the shivers run down his spine.

He rested his hands on Jaehyuk’s broad shoulders and looked at his red lips. Jaehyuk’s heart skipped a few beats.

He leaned in, their lips were only centimetres apart.  Their eyes flutter closed and the sensation of the others lips was something they  were deprived of for a long time .

But no matter what, they would never forget how it felt.

Their top lips  delicately touched, sending jolts of electricity through their bodies. Jaehyuk took the liberty of pushing his lips closer by his waist. He moved his lips  agonisingly slow on his, making Asahi’s emotions go insane. Asahi let Jaehyuk take the lead. He moved his lips deeper, making him hum into the kiss.

Asahi forced himself to detach from his soft lips, Jaehyuk felt confused. Asahi pressed his forehead on his, still holding onto his shoulders. They stayed their, entangled with each other.  Hearing nothing but each other’s soft panting and feeling the others chest rise and fall with every heaved breath .

Asahi caressed Jaehyuk’s shoulder with one hand, he didn’t want to let go but he knew he had to. He stopped and held his shoulders tight like it was the last time.

He brought his lips closer to his again.

_“Go home.” He told him breathlessly._


	47. chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all, i'm happy to say my hajeongwoo story is coming really soon. it should be posted in 2 days! look forward to it or else 😄🔪
> 
> song recommendation - my blood by alepo

“Go home.”

His hands loosened on Jaehyuk’s shoulders. He didn’t want to let him go but he had to. Everything was a mess. Jaehyuk’s heart started to sink lower and lower as his brain processed the words. He didn’t want to go.

He pulled Asahi closer by his waist into another kiss. Asahi’s hands traveled up to Jaehyuk’s bare neck, sending shivers down his body. Jaehyuk kissed him deep and slow, making his stomach blow up with butterflies. The feeling was addictive. The feeling of his warm tongue made Asahi’s heart go wild.

Asahi detached from his lips again.  He looked up at Jaehyuk’s eyes, noticing his swollen lips, realising his lips were  probably swollen too . His stomach fluttered at the thought. Sadness weighed down his heart, he didn’t want to see him go.

“please…go.” He whispered as his hands loosened at the sides of his face and neck. Jaehyuk looked down and  slowly let go of his waist. Asahi looked down and took a deep breath. Jaehyuk took a few steps back, creating a distance between them.

He gave him a small smile, though it failed to hide the emotion behind it. Then he walked out the door.  Just like that. When he was out, he let go of a deep breath and dropped any expression he had on his face.

The streets were emptier than they were before. Once he was out, the wind blew against him. He walked in fast footsteps. Cars and people livened up the streets, but not him. Yet  all of these people were surrounding him. He felt so alone. 

He saw a yellow cab  slowly park beside him, so he walked up to it. The bus was the last place he wanted to be in. He entered the cab and sat. The smell of cigarettes and leather welcomed him.

“Where are you going?” The driver asked.

“INU.” Jaehyuk answered with the name of the university in a tired voice. He felt like crying. A heavy load  was dropped on his heart, it was unbearable to keep. He needed to get rid of it.

“So how’s everything going?” The driver asked without looking at him.

“Good.” He answered with a strained voice.

After a while, his eyes started to get glossy with tears. His face heated up due to the pressure. The heat felt so uncomfortable. the lump in his throat began to get more painful. 

A single tear trickled down his cheek. Dampness pressed against his hot cheek, confusing his senses. After that one tear, he lost control over the tears welling up in his eyes. One after one, they started falling  rapidly . He looked down and sobbed  quietly .

The driver glanced at him from the mirror and sighed. Jaehyuk’s shoulders shook as he cried. He had no control at all. He was losing it. He balled his hands into fists on his lap. 

He looked up trying to get himself together.  Desperately trying to gain control over himself again. But no matter what he did, control didn’t belong to him now. He hung his head low, with his breath hiccuping between his lips. 

The car  slowly stopped and the driver adjusted his position in his seat. Jaehyuk hadn’t noticed, he was too busy wallowing in his own thoughts.

“You’re there.” He said. Jaehyuk looked up when he heard his voice and  quickly wiped his tears. The feeling of his wet tears against the pads of his fingertips was disappointing. He didn’t want to cry.

“How much do I pay?” he asked, trying to sound normal. The driver didn’t answer and pointed at the meter. Jaehyuk looked up to see the meter on the car. He sighed at his stupidity and pulled some bills from his pocket.

“Oh..alright.” he said.

Jaehyuk walked through the campus with his bag slung over one shoulder. The class wasn’t too far. Walking wouldn’t usually be a problem. But now, all he wanted to do was sleep and avoid anymore pain.

“Where have you been?” Jeongwoo said when Jaehyuk sat beside him in the lecture hall. He rested his head on the table once he sat down.

“I was just...” He tried to say. “I was having breakfast.”

“I’m not talking about today.” Jeongwoo said, noticing the tiredness in his voice. Jaehyuk looked like a mess.

“You’re  barely coming to class are you serious?” He said.

“Look, I’m sorry, I  just needed some time….” Jaehyuk answered with his head turned to the side away from Jeongwoo.

“For what? What’s wrong?” He asked. He was  genuinely worried for him.

“I was  just ….I’m fine now.” Jaehyuk muttered.

“Jaehyuk tell me…c’mon”

“It’s fine.” He played off.

“You look tired, what happened?” Jeongwoo asked. Jaehyuk turned his head to him. Once Jeongwoo saw him he  was surprised to see his swollen eyes.

“I  just didn’t get much sleep.” Jaehyuk said.

“Were you crying?” Jeongwoo asked.

“No.”

“Come on I’m not dumb.”

“I wasn’t.”

“Look, it’s gonna kill you if you don’t talk about it, trust me.” He couldn’t understand why Jaehyuk was acting like that these days. He was  barely seeing him anymore. Who was he spending all his time with? It could be worse. Jaehyuk could’ve been spending all his time alone.

“Kill me?” Jaehyuk asked.

“Why are you upset?”

“I’m  just stressed….and-" Jaehyuk answered and turned his head to the other side.

“Sorry for being late.” The professor said once he entered the class. Jaehyuk felt grateful for the Professor coming to class and ending their conversation.

He knew Jeongwoo had the best intentions, but he couldn’t bare to speak, he had no energy.

“so…let’s start.” The professor said.

“What were you gonna say?” Jeongwoo asked when the professor turned his back.

“uh…that’s it, I’m  just stressed.”

“Is there something I can do?”

“Nope. Don’t worry about it.” Jaehyuk didn’t want to become a burden on him.

The professor stared the lecture, Jaehyuk couldn’t listen to anything he was saying. All he was thinking about was Asahi. His head began to throb with pain. It  was expected .

“So who wants to answer the question?” The professor asked the class. No one answered.

“How about you? You seem distracted.” He said.

“Jaehyuk.” Jeongwoo nudged his shoulders. Jaehyuk looked up to see the professor and most of the class staring at him.  All of these eyes on him added onto the stress.

“Oh. um…I don’t know.” He muttered.

“Pay attention next time.” The professor sighed.

After 30 minutes of the class, they  were dismissed . Jaehyuk didn’t listen to anything the professor said in the lecture. It was getting difficult to focus on anything.

“I’ll see you around.” Jeongwoo said and grabbed his bag off the ground.

“bye.” Jaehyuk said and left  quickly .

He walked through the streets,  just trying to get to his dorm building and knock himself to sleep for the next 14 hours and  hopefully not dream of Asahi .

People passed him by in the sidewalk but his eyes stared into the void. A million thoughts ran through his mind. All he wanted to focus on was solutions. He was desperate for solution. Anything to make him feel better.  All of those feelings at the same times. It was killing him.

As he was walking, his phone rung in his pocket. His eyes widened when he felt it. Solutions. It could be Asahi. Without checking the phone, he opened it and put it up to his ear.

“Hello?” He answered.

“Hey honey.” His shoulders dropped when he heard his mother on the other line.

“Hey mom.” He muttered and continued walking.

“I thought you could come visit. Since you have a long weekend, you can stay for a few days.” She said. His attention was immediately caught when she said that. It was the last thing he needed. He felt exhausted.

“um…yeah cool.” He said, losing the feeling in his voice.

“Alright, see you then.” She said and hung up the phone.

“Oh god..” He muttered to himself with a strained voice and massaged his temples. 

He wanted to cry again.

All he needed was a solution.

His heart weighed down to the pits of his stomach.

_He was exhausted._


	48. chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey yall i finally published my hajeongwoo story. check it out!
> 
> song of the chapter: moondust by jaymes young

“He knows.” He spoke to the video camera set up on his desk. He sat curled up in the chair. Staying at work was far too stressful yet he stayed. After it  was finished he felt like collapsing in his room. The memory of Jaehyuk was stuck in his mind. The sensation of his lips on him. He couldn’t forget.

“He told me at work.” He looked down and muttered. Speaking any louder got hard because of the lump stuck in his throat. His heart was beating out of his chest. The anxiety didn’t leave him alone.

His vision began to get glossy with tears and his face heated with pressure. For all the long hours he’s been at work, he was trying to hold the tears in. Now he didn’t know if he could do that anymore.

“Gosh…” he sighed when he felt a hot tear roll down his cheek. He turned to the side and wiped it off with his sleeve.

“He hates me now..” He said.  Just the words made more tears well up in his eyes. He hated how much he’s been crying these days.

“He didn’t tell me but I’m pretty sure he does.” anything related to Jaehyuk made his heart hammer and his tears more.  His breathing started to become inconsistent and his bottom lip began to quiver whenever he tried to hold back his tears .

“He said he supported me and that he didn’t care….but come on.” He sighed. He was still in denial of everything. He didn’t want to believe him and end up getting hurt.

“I’m not dumb…” he said as he looked down. “I know he doesn’t mean it.”

“Jaehyuk’s a nice person, he’s  just trying to be nice.” He didn’t know what he wanted to convince himself. If Jaehyuk was saying the truth. Or if he was lying. He didn’t know what to believe. He tried to convince himself what would usually happen. 

“I’m sick of it.” A tear cascaded down his already tear streaked face. His cheeks went warm because of the pressure making the tear feel cold on his face.

“I hate it when people pretend to be nice. It’s more hurtful that way.” But he knew Jaehyuk was actually nice. No matter how much he tried to convince himself he was lying, he wanted Jaehyuk with him. He wanted to hug him and cuddle him. Whenever he felt upset, his mind knew Jaehyuk could fix it  just by being there.

“I don’t know..” He shrugged as he played with the hem of his shirt.

“ Just the way he said it.” He looked up at the camera and said. He remembered Jaehyuk’s face when he talked to him. And he knew Jaehyuk was a bad liar. it didn't look like he was lying. It surprised him that he spent that much time with him to realise he was a bad liar.

“Did he mean it?” It felt like he did. But Asahi  quickly ignored that thought. 

“I wanted him to mean what he said.” He said  honestly .

“But I know he didn’t.”  his conversation with himself began to turn into a fight between two major thoughts dictating his mind . He had no control over them anymore. He  just sat there, not knowing whether to  be upset or glad.

“And then we ended up making out…..” He said. A smile  was brought to his his tear streaked face when he remembered the kiss they shared. A chuckle left his lips making him look down and run a hand through his hair. “Gosh.”

“I’m so fucking stupid.” He said when the smile fell of his face.

“I want to believe him but I don’t want to at the same time.” He finally said what’s been keeping his mind busy for hours. Nothing made sense to him anymore. Everything  just happened with no meaning.

“Why’s he so good to me?” The tears started to well up in his eyes again. He bit on his quivering lower lip to stop himself from crying. Now that he thought about it, he didn’t deserve Jaehyuk. He was one of the nicest people to him.

“He always checks up on me and he’s  just …..so fun.” The memory hit him so hard. A tear rolled down his cheek again. He turned his head to the side, he didn’t want to show the camera that he was crying.

“The friendship that we had was the most intimate friendship I’ve ever had.” It was  really intimate. Too intimate to  be called a friendship. They were so touchy with each other, even Asahi who was sensitive to touch, leaned in to Jaehyuk's touch. Even if it  was unintended , they always resorted to each other when things get hard.

“Of course I want it to be more..” Asahi admitted.

“But I don’t want to make things hard for him.” Even though he wanted him, he still cared for him. He didn’t believe that being in a relationship with him would be good for Jaehyuk. His heart weighed down when he said these words out loud. Though it hurt, he wanted to admit that all he did was bring people down. And he cared about Jaehyuk too much. 

“Then everyone’s gonna treat him like how they treat me…I don’t want that for him.” If Jaehyuk ended up being treated badly because he’s in a relationship with a him, he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself. He knew how that felt and he didn’t want that for him.

“I want him to keep his distance from me…because I know that’ll be better.” The more he talked, the blurrier his vision got with tears.

“I’m not good for him.”he said with a shaky voice. The lump in his throat that once disappeared resurfaced. 

“I’m not good for anyone.” He muttered, looking down as he bit his lower lip.

“I’ll  just make life harder for him…” he didn’t want to tell himself that but he knew it was true.

“He hates his life enough..but he still smiles so  brightly …gosh I suck.” When the picture of Jaehyuk’s smile popped up in his head, a tear dropped on his face. He didn’t want that smile to go.

Jaehyuk  was curled up in his bed topless, cuddling his blanket  tightly . Right as he got to his room, he didn’t give himself the chance to let out all the emotions he kept pent up. He slept right away to avoid them.

“Jaehyuk.” He heard someone say, his face scrunched up as he hummed as a response and turned to the other side.

Someone started pulling on the blanket. Jaehyuk held onto it  tightly and grimaced.

“Wake the fuck up.” Hyunsuk said and pulled the blanket off completely. Jaehyuk’s face was still in a grimace. He turned on his back and  slowly opened his eyes. His hand  quickly came in front of his eyes when they  are met with the bright light of the room. 

He blinked  multiple times to adjust to the lighting. The white light of the dorm was  directly on top of him. He moved his eyes away from it. Jaaehyuk sat up and rubbed his eyes. Not realising how warm his blanket was until the coolness of the room passed against his bare skin.

He looked around with his eyes in a wince to see the window portraying a night sky. He looked down and huffed a breath, burying his face in his hands. His dishevelled hair  was left uncombed.  It hung over his face, he moved it away from his face and saw Hyunsuk standing in front of him with his hands rested on his hips .

“How long have I been asleep?” He asked with a tired low voice.

“The entire day.” Hyunsuk answered. Jaehyuk sighed and ran a hand through his  unruly hair.

His heart started to get heavy when he remembered why he slept in the first place. His stomach tied up into all kinds of knots. He let out an exasperated sigh and put his hand behind his neck.

“I want to go back to sleep…” he muttered with a lump stuck in his throat.

“It’s night already, you slept for a long time.” Hyunsuk said and walked to his bed.

He couldn’t do it.

Getting up and facing everything caused him so much pain.

And going to his parents’ house was the last thing he wanted to do.

Then and idea popped in his head. His eyes widened and he looked at his phone.

He snatched his phone from the counter and called his mom.

“Hey honey.” She answered the phone.

“Can I bring someone?” He asked  quickly .

“Bring someone where?”

“To your house.” He answered with a hopeful look on his face.

“No. This  is supposed to be  just family.” She said  sternly . 

He hung the phone up and  lightly threw it on his bed.

He didn’t care.

_He couldn’t go there alone._


	49. chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm this close from going insane and recommending classical music. 
> 
> song of the chapter: swim in the light by kid cudi

Jaehyuk sat in the lecture hall, spacing out.  His stomach would tie itself into knots whenever his sadistic mind brought up the fact that he would have to go to his parents’ house in a few days . And like always, Asahi’s been avoiding him, it’s been over a week. Asahi never returned his calls. Jaehyuk was a mess.

It was his fault anyway. He always ruined what was good. Always acted on his impulses. That’s what he thought. What was he even doing at this point? What was the right thing to do? What was the right emotion to feel? Should he  just feel nothing? or everything?

sickening. It felt sickening.  Just the thought of him going to his parents’ house made him sick. He didn’t hate his parents. In fact, he loved them. But he hated all the others. What if people visited? His anxiety didn’t make sense to him. He tried to ration with himself in his mind. Asking himself all sorts of questions. Why are you this nervous? What about the visit felt so nerve wracking? Why are you being so dramatic?

These questions failed to calm him and ground him back to reality. Instead they did the complete opposite. The questions made him more stuck in his own mind and thoughts. He kept on asking himself these questions though he knew they didn’t work. He still had some hope he would be able to calm himself.

He felt dramatic, but every thought in his mind was freaking out. He  was stressed out by everything around him. College. Money. relationships. And going to his parents house and facing criticism and mockery was the last thing he needed. Whenever his mind would wander off, he forced it to come back to reality. But now, that tactic didn’t work anymore.

It took him a second to realise his hand was shaking. He looked down at hid hands with his brows furrowed. He  abruptly shoved his hand away from the desk and put it on his lap. His hand hand  was clenched into a fist to stop it from shaking. 

His eyes glared at the professor in the front of the room to keep himself focused. His mouth felt so dry. A lump formed in his throat. It took him a few seconds to realise his breathing  was narrowed into short breaths. He took a shaky deep breath in. 

Not even giving himself the chance to let it out, he snatched his backpack from the ground and walked out of the lecture hall . His footsteps quickened when he entered the hall. Tears were threatening to fall and he couldn’t  be surrounded by people. The tightness in his chest ached.

Once he locked himself in a bathroom stall, he couldn’t control it anymore. His hands ran through his hair as the tears fell  uncontrollably . His shaky breath was the only thing he heard. He heard it magnified. Nothing else was audible. His leg was bumping up and down. His senses  were intensified . He felt everything.

Sweat covered him from head to toe. It felt like his clothes were tightening around him, chocking him. His thoughts were screaming at him. He didn’t know what they said but he  was terrified . He felt like throwing up. His head began to throb with pain surging through his veins. 

His hands began to shake again. Shaky breaths hiccuped between his lips. His thoughts were so loud. Everything felt numb. He was losing his control. He tried to take in deep breaths but to no avail. 

“No.” He muttered  shakily when he realised his state. 

“Fuck.” He said again, punching his fist on his thigh. He didn’t feel real. 

“Fuck.” He said through gritted teeth, punching his thigh again. 

_“Fuck!”_ He shouted through gritted teeth, punching his thigh again. 

The tears couldn’t stop falling. His face went hot with pressure. His hands covered his face as he sobbed. The hot tears felt cold against his palm. His hands were still shaking, making him even more frustrated.

Ringing in his pocket snapped him out of it. His hands fell off his face. It felt like a CD was getting rewinded.  Just like that, he was back to reality.

He took it out and opened the phone, putting it up to his ear.

“Um..hey. uh.. sorry for not responding. I was a little….busy.” Asahi said from the other line. That was a lie. Asahi was too scared to answer any of his calls.

Jaehyuk’s eyes widened when he heard Asahi’s voice. He felt his heart stop in his chest. Jaehyuk sat up and adjusted his position.

“I-it’s fine. Don’t worry about it...” He said, his eyes shut closed in regret when he realised how shaky his voice was. “I-i’m sorry.”

A silence fell between them, Jaehyuk regretted even speaking. He clenched his hands into fists again to stop them from shaking.

“Are you okay..?” Asahi asked after the silence. Jaehyuk sighed and looked down. He blew it.

“Yeah…I’m..okay. I’m okay.” He said. It felt like he was trying to convince himself he was okay. Asahi didn’t believe him, the shaking in his voice still didn’t go away.

“Why’s your voice shaking?” Asahi asked, getting more worried by the second. His brows furrowed deeper when he thought about the possibilities. “Are you in trouble?”

“No.. I’m not in trouble. Don’t worry…” Jaehyuk sighed. “Can we meet up? It’s  totally okay if you don’t want to. Or I-if you’re busy. But I’d  really appreciate it-“

Asahi stopped Jaehyuk’s nervous rambling and  simply said. “It’s fine. I’m not busy right now.”

“Where do we meet up?” Jaehyuk asked with a wide grin plastered on his face.

“How about a park or something? I’ll drive you.” Asahi shrugged. Jaehyuk didn’t care. As long as he was with Asahi, it didn’t matter. A smile was still plastered on his face due to the rush of happiness.

“Yeah. Cool, I’m up for that.” Jaehyuk said  breathlessly .

“where are you?” He asked.

“Economics building.” Jaehyuk answered.

“I’m on my way.” Asahi said and ended the call.

Jaehyuk was still in disbelief. But he stopped shaking. He  slowly put his phone down with his heart beating hard against his chest. 

He let go of a deep breath and got out of the stall. Feeling weird about walking. His reflection in the mirror surprised him. Eyes bloodshot red, streaks of tears down his face, dark circles under his eyes. He let out an exasperated sigh and turned on the tap and splashed water on his face, rubbing his eyes. Some water splashed on his har making small strands stick to his forehead. 

Looking at his face one more time, he grabbed some towels and dried it off. The streaks of tears were gone but his dark circles were still there. He sighed and grabbed his backpack to leave.

Jaehyuk gripped the strap of his bag with one hand as he walked through the halls. A smile made its way to his face when a picture of Asahi popped up in his mind. He looked down and shook his head.

They sat in the car together as Asahi drove. Jaehyuk rested his head against the glass window, glancing at Asahi from time to time. His hair grew a bit longer. And Jaehyuk thought Asahi looked  insanely good in longer hair. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of him.

“You look tired.” Asahi stated. Jaehyuk let out a chuckle and Asahi  briefly turned his head to him in confusion. He  _was_ tired . “Did you get any sleep?”

“I guess.” Jaehyuk muttered. Now that he thought about it, he didn’t get much sleep. 

“Did you eat anything?” Asahi asked again. The butterflies in his stomach went off at the question. He spotted something in his tone. It sounded almost like concern.

“Can’t remember.” He shrugged as a response. Asahi sighed.

“You need to eat.” He sighed.

“Yep. I will.” Jaehyuk mumbled.

“Are you hungry?” Asahi turned his head to him and asked. Jaehyuk’s eyes  slightly widened at the amount of questions he was asking. That was the most care he received in the past month or so.

“um…no.” He replied.

A silence fell again. No one said anything. Jaehyuk couldn’t remember why he asked to meet up.  Maybe he  just wanted to see Asahi. 

“Are cigarettes calming?” Jaehyuk asked as he looked about the window. Asahi found the question random.

“Yeah..” He answered.

“Can I have one?” Jaehyuk asked. Asahi’s brows furrowed at the request. The thought of Jaehyuk smoking wasn’t pleasing. It was bad for his health.

“No.” He said  simply .

“Why not?” He muttered and slouched in his seat.

“Smoking’s bad for you.” Asahi said. He knew he was being hypocritical but he already gave up on himself. He cared for Jaehyuk.

_“You_ smoke.” He said in disbelief. Asahi rolled his eyes and sighed.

“fine.” He groaned. He reached forward and opened the glove compartment.  Jaehyuk’s eyes trailed his hand pulling out  a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from the glove compartment . He handed it to him and Jaehyuk took it with hesitant hands

“thanks.” He muttered and turned the small box in his hands. Brushing his thumb over the silver calligraphy, it looked fancy. he opened the box and pulled out a cigarette. 

He  hesitantly put the cigarette between his middle and index finger, bringing it closer to his mouth . Asahi would glance at him from time to time. He’s never seen him smoke before.

A small dancing flame came out of the lighter. He lit up the tip of the cigarette and brought it to his mouth. Finally, he took a pull of smoke. The taste made him wince. 

He coughed out the smoke with a look of disgust on his face. Asahi chuckled at his reaction. As expected. Jaehyuk’s eyes were still in a wince. 

“I knew you wouldn’t like it.” Asahi said.

“How do you like this?” Jaehyuk asked in disbelief with the look of disgust clear on his face.

“You get used to it.” He muttered. Asahi turned his head to him. “Do you still want it?”

Jaehyuk shook his head and Asahi took the cigarette away from him. He took a pull of smoke and Jaehyuk watched him. He kept it in his lungs for a second and puffed it out. 

Jaehyuk didn’t know why his heart was beating faster.

“He looks so hot.” He thought as he watched Asahi smoke. It felt like an indirect kiss.

He turned back to the window and rested his head.

“You know…I’m supposed to go to my parent’s house for the weekend.” He muttered.

“You sound forced.” Asahi stated. Jaehyuk  lightly chuckled.

“kinda.” He sighed. “My family’s gonna be there. Kinda nervous about it.”

“Can’t you cancel it?” He asked. Jaehyuk shook his head.

“Can you come with me?” He finally got it out of his chest. Asahi’s brows raised. Jaehyuk didn’t look at him, he’ll feel more nervous.

“I don’t mean to intrude.” Asahi said, it felt like the right thing to say.

“You won’t be intruding.” Jaehyuk muttered.

“Who’s gonna be there?” He asked. If he played his cards right, everything would go according to plan.

“My parents,  maybe my brother, my grandma. Some people may visit.” He said. Asahi’s brow raised. 

Exactly what he wanted.

He can get the plan over with.

He took in another pull of smoke.

_“I’ll go.”_ He said when he blew out the smoke.


	50. chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i might actually go really crazy and recommend arabic music 😃🏃♀️
> 
> song recommendation: what should i do by jaymes young

“I’ll go.”

“ Really ?!” Jaehyuk turned his head to him once these words came out of his mouth. Asahi caught onto his surprise but his face remained blank. A shower of relief washed over Jaehyuk he was  just waiting for Asahi to say he was only kidding. Asahi looked down at the shrunken cigarette, he hated how excited he felt. Not about his plan, but being with Jaehyuk. He sighed at how gullible he was.

“Yeah…I  just said that.” He sighed and turned the cigarette in his hand, holding onto the steering wheel with one hand. Jaehyuk couldn’t take his eyes off of him. His heart was beating out of control. Staring at him with his lips  slightly parted. He couldn’t do anything but enjoy the view right in front of him.

“T-thanks.” He looked forward  quickly when he noticed how he was staring at him. It remained unknown to him whether Asahi noticed. He wouldn’t know, his face was always blank. Reminded how much he wanted to see him smile.

“No worries.” He muttered. Jaehyuk felt more excited about going to his parents’ house. As long as Asahi was with him, no one could hurt him.

“I’m kinda curious…” Asahi said with the cigarette still between his fingers.

“About what?” Jaehyuk asked.

“Why me? Why do you want me to come?” he asked. The answer was obvious to Jaehyuk but not to Asahi. He was about to tell him the reason why but he had to refrain from doing that. It was because he needed him. “You could’ve brought that one friend you hang out with all the time.”

_“becuase I want to be around you.”_ the thought popped up in his head once he asked. 

“um…we’re friends I guess..” He said instead. He cursed his cowardice. If he wasn’t afraid, he would’ve told him. But he was afraid. Asahi didn’t know why he felt hopeful  all of a sudden. His hopefulness  was dulled down when Jaehyuk answered his question.

Of course. They were  just friends.

“yeah. Um…right.” He muttered and rubbed his eyes trying to hide his embarrassed expression. 

“Asahi…” Jaehyuk called out. “can I ask you a question?”

“…sure.” He sighed. 

“How did you know you liked guys?” He finally asked. Asahi  was taken back by the sudden question. He didn’t expect such a question. Heat traveled up to his neck.

“I don’t know.” He muttered. It surprised him why Jaehyuk was asking that question out of nowhere. “I guess I  just liked it when I kissed guys.”

_“I liked it too. what does that mean?”_ He thought to himself. The thought brought back the memories. Asahi’s soft lips on his. The sounds that rumbled from his throat so  elegantly . The way it felt like he actually wanted him. How he held him with his gentle hands. He felt his face go hot.

“Oh um…” he said to try to clear his embarrassment.

“Was that awkward?” Asahi chuckled.

“No it’s fine really-“ he rambled. Jaehyuk was either nosy or curious for asking that question. Asahi knew Jaehyuk was  just nosy. But he felt like he had to get a definite answer from him so he wouldn’t stay up thinking about it and getting false hope.

“Are you curious.” Asahi asked  honestly . It would be a little interesting. How someone like Jaehyuk would deal with a situation like that. Hook up with a bunch of guys or keep it hidden, hoping one day he’ll figure it out.

_“yes.”_ Jaehyuk thought immediately. Asahi made him more curious. No not curious. certain. He was sure he wanted him. But he didn’t want to immediately give himself a label. 

“I don’t know.” He said instead and looked down. Asahi sighed and put out the cigarette in his hand out finally. At least he got an answer. But it was far too abstract. Made him think too much. He sighed yet again at his overthinking. 

“Is your house nice?” He asked, trying to move on to another topic.

“I mean it's my parents’ house but yeah. It’s nice.” Jaehyuk answered and slouched in his seat.

“Does it have a pool.” Asahi asked  randomly .

“Yeah.” Jaehyuk muttered and looked down.

“cool.” He said.

“Do you like to swim?” He asked. If he was being honest, Asahi didn’t look like the type to like swimming. But he was also such a random person. Jaehyuk felt excited to learn more things about him.

“I can’t swim.” Asahi answered his question. Jaehyuk was  slightly taken back by his answer. Another thing to learn about him. Asahi was  really random. 

“Then why did you ask about the pool..” he looked forward, wondering how long Asahi’s been driving.

“I like the way they look.” He chuckled  lightly .

“You’re so random.” Jaehyuk said.

“Give me a cigarette.” Asahi told him, holding out his hand. Jaehyuk looked down at his open hand and rolled his eyes. Asahi  briefly side eyed him then looked back at the road.

“No.” Jaehyuk turned down his request  simply .

“Why the fuck not.” Asahi furrowed his brows and questioned. Even though Asahi looked hot when he smoked, Jaehyuk knew it was bad for his health and he  really cared about him.  Ironically .

“Smoking’s bad for you.” He crossed his arms and looked forward away from Asahi’s glare.

“If you haven’t noticed I don’t  really care about myself that much.” He muttered.

“Well _I_ do. Don’t smoke now.” Jaehyuk said. Asahi felt his heart flutter in his chest. Jaehyuk felt proud of himself for finally admitting that. He had to bite down the smile appearing on his lips and so did Asahi. Though he felt stupid, the fast beating in his heart didn’t slow down.

“fine.” He groaned and put both of his hands on the steering wheel. Jaehyuk let himself smile out of victory.

If it was anyone else telling him that, he wouldn’t of listened.

Jaehyuk had such an effect on him. Did he even know?

He had to.

_“But only because you told me to.”_


	51. chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since this is late, i made this a lil long. and i made a better schedule for writing so i'll be updating regularly from now on.
> 
> song of the chapter: i'll kill you by summer walker and jhene aiko

Clothes  were scattered everywhere around him. On his lap. In the bag. On the floor. He was packing like crazy.  Sloppily folding the clothes and shoving them into his bag. He instructed himself to take a deep breath whenever his nerves got the best of him.

The atmosphere around him was nowhere near organised. But he couldn’t care less about that.  Maybe Hyunsuk could clean the dorm for once. He never cleaned the room because he was too “busy”. Jaehyuk knew he was lying but he didn’t have the energy to argue.

He heard the door to the dorm opened. Hyunsuk came finally. He dropped his bag on the ground  carelessly and took his shoes off on the front step. Jaehyuk stayed focused on the clothes he was folding. He didn’t even know what clothes he was folding. He  just folded whatever was in front of him. 

“Jaehyuk?” Hyunsuk asked with his brows furrowed. He hoped he wouldn’t distract him.

“Yeah?” He answered.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Hyunsuk questioned and looked at him stuff clothes in his bag. He was going over everything he’s done wrong in his mind when he watched him. Could he be moving out?

“Packing.” He answered, hoping that would be the end of their conversation so he could go back to the focus he had.

“ All of that?” he asked again, pointing at the clothes.

“Uh huh.” He said. Actually, he made him notice how much he was packing, but he didn’t want to admit that to make Hyunsuk talk more.

“Well shit. You look excited.” He admitted and walked to his bed, laying down staring at the ceiling above. 

“I’m not.” Jaehyuk shook his head. From how he felt he could guess the look on his face looked insane. “I’m nervous.”

“But excited too.” He admitted with a nod. Asahi was the only good thing about that stupid visit. His heart fluttered at the thought of him. A small smile creeped to his face. He tried to dim it down.

“Good for you I guess.” Hyunsuk muttered with a shrug and turned his head to him. “Where are you going?”

“My parents’ house.” He answered. That was the bad part about the visit. Now he didn’t even have to try hard to wipe the smile off of his face.

“Today?” He asked, reminding him all about the nerve wracking things. He tried to keep his emotions in place.

“Yep.” He sighed.

“Why are you nervous then? Your parents are strict?” He asked. What were his parents? He liked his parents.  Just not anyone that they’re associated with. He began to lose his focus. 

“I don’t know.” He said.

“Then why are you excited?” Hyunsuk asked again. Jaehyuk couldn’t take it anymore. He looked up at the ceiling to first collect his thoughts before turning his head back to him. Hyunsuk noticed the look on his face, he was a little taken back by it.

“Why are you interrogating me?” Jaehyuk asked this time. Hyunsuk held a look of realisation on his face. He released how many questions he was asking. A little too much.

“Oh…um yeah..sorry.” he looked up at the ceiling and apologised. 

“It’s fine.” he said and took out some clothes from his bag. Becoming more aware of the things he put in his bag. “You’re psyching me out.”

“Okay okay.” Hyunsuk chuckled. “I’ll shut up.”

Jaehyuk shoved in some random shirts in his bag and  quickly zipped the bag up as he stood. Hyunsuk’s eyes trailed him as he collected his things.

“I need to go now.” Jaehyuk muttered  hastily , struggling with the bag because of his restless hands.

“Alright see ya.” Hyunsuk said while Jaehyuk walked to the door once he got the bag over his shoulder.

“Bye.” He told him  mindlessly and left out the door.

Jaehyuk walked through the halls with a busy mind. His body  just snapped into place, he memorised every turn and hall in that dorm building. 

All he thought about was Asahi. He couldn’t wait to spend more time with him. He couldn’t wait to learn more about him.  Asahi was such a fascinating and special person to Jaehyuk, though Asahi didn’t  really think of himself as anything too fascinating, he was  just Asahi .

His phone rung in his pocket. With a smile, he took it out and opened it.

“Hello?” He answered.

“Hey. Are you ready?” Asahi spoke into the phone. Jaehyuk’s heart  instantly beat harder once he heard his voice. He was such a fool over him. He was jelly between his hands.

“Where are you?” Jaehyuk asked with a smile as he walked. Asahi’s voice was so addictive, he wanted to stretch out their conversation  just so he could hear him. What would his family think of him. It felt like introducing Asahi to his family as his boyfriend. He hoped someday he could do that. But then again, his parents would never approve. 

“Outside your dorm building.” Asahi muttered. His voice sounded so low, that was hot. Jaehyuk knew his own voice was much deeper, everything about Asahi was so attractive.

“Oh..okay. Thanks.” He said, realising he stayed silent for too long. He didn’t even realise. 

“Bye.” Asahi said before hanging up the phone. Once the other line disconnected, Jaehyuk let go of a deep breath he was holding. His hand  slowly went back down. A smile plastered his face. 

The glass doors of his dorm building came to view.  The lobby  was blasted with every air conditioner open, the lady at the front was focusing on the screen in front of her .  Probably not work. A distinctive car  was parked out front. A rush of happiness lit his expression when he saw Asahi sitting in his car.

He tried to dull his expression down, biting the inside of his cheek so he wouldn’t smile. Asahi already thought he was creepy. When a figure moved closer to his car, he figured it was Jaehyuk. He turned his head to him to find Jaehyuk holding a bag over his shoulder wearing a grey hoodie and sweatpants.

Asahi couldn’t help the butterflies once he saw him walk to his car. Jaehyuk looked good in grey. He took a deep breath to heal the shortness of breath Jaehyuk gave him. But the look on his face remained bland. He had to remind himself to be grateful for that ability. Especially in front of Jaehyuk. 

He opened the door. The click snapped Asahi out of it. He looked forward to avoid eye contact with him. His heart beat hard against his chest. He sighed at how he was reacting to him.

“Do you want to put your bag in the trunk.” He asked him. Jaehyuk stopped what he was doing to face him. When Asahi didn’t look back, he sat down and closed the door after him. Asahi noticed his look, but he didn’t want to look him in the eye, he was sure he would go red.

“Nope, I want it with me.” Jaehyuk said. Asahi nodded and started the car, putting both hands on the steering wheel. 

“Sure.” He muttered.

He started driving, Jaehyuk still didn’t know how to feel about going to his parents’ house. He was still nervous but excited at the same time. It would be fun to show Asahi around the house and  hopefully swim with him since he said he liked pools. But it would also be stressful to be the most vulnerable around him.

Jaehyuk wasn’t afraid to be vulnerable around Asahi, he felt safe around him. He  just didn’t want him to think he was pathetic. Jaehyuk didn’t want a problem to arise when Asahi was there. Then he’ll see how weak he  really was. It scared him to think about the endless problems that could  be caused .

He tensed in his position, stuck in thought. He paid no mind to anything but the scenarios he made up in his head. His face  was fixated in focus while he kept on thinking and thinking  aimlessly . Asahi side eyed him. He knew him for long enough to tell he was nervous.

“You’re getting nervous aren’t you.” He muttered, breaking him away from his deep thought. Jaehyuk lost the tension in his body and looked down with a sigh. He took a deep breath before looking back up, then letting it go.

“No.” He answered. Asahi could tell he was faking. But he didn’t want to make him more nervous than he already looked. So he didn’t ask him anymore questions.

“Hm. Okay..” He  just said.

Jaehyuk didn’t know whether to tell him or not. If he told him, he would feel more relieved but he would also feel like he’s oversharing.  And if he didn’t tell him, he would feel more uncomfortable with his state but he would feel like he didn’t burden Asahi at the same time . 

“Actually..” he sighed. “I am nervous.”

“You can talk about it if you want..” Asahi shrugged. It was about time he told him. He wanted Jaehyuk to tell him. He didn’t want to see him be uncomfortable. He wanted Jaehyuk to talk about whatever he wanted, he would still listen.

“I don’t  really know why I’m nervous to be honest…” Jaehyuk said and looked down  glumly . A pang hit his heart.  Maybe he was  just being dumb and dramatic. He always reminded himself of that  just to try and calm himself down.

“I know how that feels.  Maybe you’re psyching yourself out.” Asahi suggested. His expression lit up  slightly when Asahi said he knew how it felt. So he wasn’t alone. Jaehyuk slouched in his chair and let out a long sigh, playing with his fingers.

“I know I am.” He chuckled, picking at the skin around his nails. Asahi felt relieved that Jaehyuk talked about it.

“Take a deep breath. Make the most of it even if it’s shitty.” He said. He knew that advice sounded vague. But that was all he had.  He didn’t even know how to evem calm himself down in a healthy way, he wasn’t someone to go to for advice about things like these . But if it was for Jaehyuk, he would try to come up with something.

“You give the worst advice.” Jaehyuk chuckled as he shook his head, still picking at his skin.

“How ungrateful.” Asahi muttered  sarcastically . He side eyed him to see his face covered by his hair as he looked down and the hoodie that covered his head. His brows furrowed when he saw him peel the skin around his nails.

“Don’t do that.” He said, taking his hand away and putting it on the armrest. “You’ll bleed.”

Jaehyuk’s eyes  slightly widened and he held his breath when he saw Asahi holding his hand. He noticed how small Asahi’s hand  was compared to his. His hands were cold. Made Jaehyuk want to hold onto them  just to warm them up. The chance was right there. But as the coward he was, he didn't take it.

Asahi let go of his hand and put it on the steering wheel with a strong grip. His face began to heat up. Sooner or later his face would go red. He realise how much he sounded like a mother. He  just cared for him a lot. And Jaehyuk was restless and reckless.

Jaehyuk almost didn’t notice his parents’ house coming closer to view. His eyes widened and his position tensed up again. His stomach tied into knots  slowly . Asahi noticed his reaction and sighed, he wanted to comfort him so bad.

The car pulled over in front of the house and Jaehyuk was staring at it. Asahi tried to face him but Jaehyuk didn’t notice.

“Do you need a moment?” Asahi asked. Jaehyuk turned his head to him, his heart melting at the care he thought he heard in his voice. He shook his head with a reassuring look on his face.

He gripped the door handle and opened his door. Asahi went after him so Jaehyuk wouldn’t feel rushed. they grabbed their bags and walked to the white villa together. Asahi was in awe at what was in front of him. So Jaehyuk wasn’t kidding when he said his parents were rich, huh?

Jaehyuk  quickly pressed the doorbell to get it over with. He held his breath when he heard footsteps from within the house. They came closer and closer to the front door. 

The door opened, Jaehyuk’s heartbeat quickened. 

His mom stood at the door smiling when she saw Jaehyuk.  Slightly losing the smile when she saw Asahi. He noticed her look and gave her a small smile.

“Hello.” Jaehyuk said.

“Hey honey.” She said, giving him a slight questioning look. He didn’t answer the look, his face stayed in the same expression. Since she didn’t ask, Jaehyuk had to introduce Asahi. They were already embarrassing him in front of Asahi and they weren’t even in the house yet.

“This is Asahi.” He  awkwardly pointed at him. He bowed to her and she gave him the fakest warm smile she could conjure up. 

“Nice to meet you.” He muttered as he bowed.

“Nice to meet you too.” She said with a sickly sweet smile. “Come in.”

They walked in the house and Asahi let his eyes roam around the spacious house.

She glared at Jaehyuk dropping her smile once Asahi couldn’t see her. Jaehyuk kept a blank look on his face, he knew that moment of questioning was coming.

“Who is he?” she whispered, still glaring at him.

He kept the blank look on his face.

His mom kept on glaring at him.

_“He’s staying.”_ He whispered  sternly .

**Author's Note:**

> tell me what yall think. and as always put yall seatbelts on :)
> 
> xoxo, gossip girl


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